My Last Wish, A Twilight Fanfic
by gossip-bangkok
Summary: When Edward found out he has two years to live, all of his hope and dreams were shattered and thus he has given up living. But when a Swan appears in his life, she changes all of his perspectives.
1. Prologue: Edward Anthony Masen Cullen

**A big thank you to my two betas, Flyawaydove and Xx Bri xX :) Both of your are a darlin'!! :)**

* * *

Summary:When Edward finds out he has two years to live, all of his hope and dreams were shattered and he has given up living. But when a Swan appears in his life, she changes all of his perspectives.

**EVOP – June 20th, 2007**

Exactly twenty years ago, I was born.

Exactly sixteen years ago, I started playing piano.

Exactly fourteen years ago, my biological parents, Edward Masen Sr. and Elizabeth Masen were killed in a plane crash.

Exactly thirteen years and three months ago, I was adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen.

FOR the last twelve years and six months and four days, I've been composing songs on my Steinway & Sons grand piano.

Exactly two years and six months ago, I've graduated from high school with honors.

Exactly two years ago, I started my music and performing arts bachelor degree at Berkley.

Exactly one year ago, I found out I have three years to live.

Exactly ten months ago my ex-girlfriend Tanya told me she was in it for the money I've inherited from my dead parents. When I told her that I wanted to donate all of my money to a charity in my biological parents' name, she told me she wanted to break up.

Two years from now, I'm going to die.

My dream was to become a pianist, but now, because of this shit eating disease, I have given up all of my hopes and dreams.

This is my life, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

* * *

**So what do you guys think? Should I continue?? R&R please... **


	2. Chapter 1: Being EAMC

_**AN: I'm not a doctor, or anything similar to that. I tried to do as much research I can in my free time so if I have written something incorrect in medical term or likewise, please tell me so I can fix it. Thanks! :) For those who have read the first chapter before today, please go back and re-read it as I've practically re-write the whole thing. This is because at the start, I didn't do enough research and didn't think about the illness life span and such so it wasn't realistic at all. So hopefully, this is as factual as I can possibly write/research. Thank you very much! Big thanks to my mother, who have given me basic information about the disease but have no idea what I'm doing and think that I have a friend who have what Edward has. Thanks to my two lovely betas, Xx Bri xX and Flyawaydove. (You both are AWESOME!) **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, SM does. But that doesn't stop me from fantasizing about Edward, Carlisle, or Emmett. ;)**_

* * *

_**Chapter 1: Being Edward Anthony Masen Cullen**_

**EPOV**

"Edward, honey, it's time to wake up!" Esme shouted.

I truly hoped I was dreaming because I swear I just went to bed a second ago.

"Edward, don't make me come up there!" Esme shouted again.

I slowly got up into a sitting position, before pushing the button that lifted the curtains up, allowing the sun's rays to shine into the room.

"Edward!"

"Mum, I got it. I'm getting up. Jesus Christ!" I yelled back.

Esme, my adoptive mother, has always been protective, but since I've been diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, she has practically became obsessed with what I do every minute of the freaken day. Please note the word acute, which means that the disease has a rapid progression, and the fact that it affects immature white blood cells, rather than mature ones, just makes me die faster than other type of leukemia. As for leukemia, most of you, except Emmett, Who had to have Carlisle bring out his medical kit to help HIM understand it), probably know that it's a cancer of the blood and bone marrow.

"Edward, you have class in an hour and a half." The voice echoed throughout the whole mansion.

_God, I swear Esme will kill me before the cancer does if I don't get up._

I got into the shower, brushed my teeth, got dressed…and all the shit a twenty-one year old guy does, so be imaginative if you want. I slowly walked downstairs into the kitchen, where I can smell bacon, nope, tofu frying.

"Morning Mum." I kissed her on the cheek.

"Morning bub, get some breakfast because you have class at nine, right?"

"Yep," I replied. I was not too eager to go to class today, as I had a few days off earlier; having to go through some more tests such as C.T. scans because Carlisle insisted on doing so. I didn't know why he was doing it—come on; the doctors took me to numbers of _oncologists and hematologists_, trying to find a way to save me. What made me so special that all of these famous doctors wanted to see if they could find a way for me to live longer? Normally, people who have Acute Myelogenous Leukemia are in their sixties up or young as a child. Not many healthy young adults like I, have it. But I can tell you now, you can't cheat death. I've known that since I was six for Christ's sake. People in my class, especially the girls, noticed when I'm away and I hate having to answer their questions, telling them bullshit.

No one outside this family including, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Alice, my adoptive siblings, Jasper, my best friend, and Rosalie, Emmett's fiancée, knew about my illness. Emmett is two years older than me and he has recently graduated with honors at UCLA majoring in business. He owns a bar which has recently been named the hottest pub in California. Mum and Dad weren't happy with his investment choice, but what can they say, he made lots and lots of money from it. Alice, who's the same age as Emmett and recently moved back from New York, went to Parson's Design School and was about to showcase her first collection in the upcoming months. Emmett proposed to Rosalie a day before I was diagnosed. They were going to get married but postponed it for some reason. I had a feeling that it was because of me and they wanted Mum and Dad to focus on me rather on them, for now. Rosalie is a Victoria Secret's Angel. She's one of the highest paid models in the world. I'm not SUPRISED at all, with her long blonde hair, to-die-for figure and gigantic tits as her trademarks. Who wouldn't hire her? And before you come to the conclusion that I have a crush on Rosalie, I don't, but can't I fantasize about her when I'm having a private moment or two? It's purely for pleasure purpose, nothing else.

"Edward, you do have to get going darling, so please start eating your breakfast already. And don't you dare throw that organic orange juice down the drain again. You need to eat healthy Edward," Esme said.

"Mum, why can't I have a slice of bacon once in a while?" I argued back, stabbing at a horrible looking piece of fried tofu.

"Because those things are unhealthy, Edward," Esme plead.

"They're not going to help me live longer Mum! I'm going to die. We all have to live with that fact. Get over it!" I walked out. Maybe I was too harsh on her, but she needed to grasp the fact that I'm going to die soon.

"I'm going to die," I slammed my door before I started to sob quietly. People always told me that it gets easier as time passes, but it doesn't. Not a day went by that I didn't wish for a second that I was normal; I don't want to live my life eating stupid tofu and organic food. I don't want to live a meaningless life. I don't want to lie to my friends about why I can't go out with them for drinks at the pub. I can't tell anyone that I feel as if I'm already dead, on the inside. I can't tell anyone that sometimes, I wish I wouldn't have to live a day longer.

"Edward." Esme knocked on my door. "Alec will be outside waiting in the Mercedes to take you to the campus."

I don't know why Esme wouldn't allow me to drive. Yeah, I had leukemia, but it didn't make me disabled. Still, she forced me to be driven to the campus by our chuffer, Alec. I swear I look like the character off the stupid show that Alice loves to watch. I think it's called Gossip Girl. Yeah, that's it. I hope I look more like Nate than Chuck though, because I think Nate looks best. God, I'm such a pussy, I even know their names.

I cleared my throat before telling her, "Yep, got it." In an instant, I grabbed my bag which had my Macbook Pro, IPod, notes, Blackberry and whatnot in it.

Being heading out into the garage, Esme gave me a kiss on the cheek, and told me to "have a good day".

I would have loved to scoff at her words. 'Good day' hasn't been in my vocabulary for two years. I was just hoping to survive the day.

"Of course mother, I will," I told her instead. I didn't know how much longer I'm going to be alive, so the least I could do was make her happy, for now.

In truth, I just took things one day at a time. I didn't hope or dream that I'll do anything for more than just today, because I don't know when I'm going to die, precisely. So there's no point dreaming or hoping for more than just today. No need to try and reach for the sky when you can't even reach for something half its length.

_All I do is just to survive the day. That's all I can do. _

* * *

**NOTE TO BETA: thank you soo much for betaing girls! :) What did you think of the first chapter? Like it?? Please tell me if you have ideas on how to make this chapter or the future better! **

**AN: Thanks for reading. Please R&R. Thank you so much to those girls who have reviewed:**

**Madcowre (amazing writer of – 'On The Run' and 'Kidnapped')**

**Chels926 (amazing writer of – 'Semester in the Smoke' and many more!)**

**Xx Bri xX (amazing writer of Beautifully Broken and my awesome beta!)**

**Freshonlybakery**

**Susanpr**

**Mermolie**

**Angelica**

**Mad4huge**

**Thanks to those who have put this story on their favorite list:**

**Freshonlybakery**

**Leeshaann**

**Mermolie**

**LovingEdwardC25**

**Luv2knowdascoop**

**Tina1992**

**The people who put who put it on their alert list:**

**Freshonlybakery**

**IwantToBeEdwardslover**

**Jolene123**

**Lauraelizabethcullen**

**Leeshaann**

**Luv2knodascoop**

**Mad4huge**

**Merbear**

**Mermolie**

**Susanpr**

**Thanks to those who have put this story on their favorite list:**

**You have no idea how happy to see that some people are actually interest in what I write.**

**As for today, I would like to recommend five fics.**

**1. The Live In Position by Saewood **_**(It's a story about a nanny Bella and a ColdDrWard. Have just recently been posted so it's still on going.)**_

**2. Seeing Their Future by Kikikinz **_**(I know some of you are strictly ExB reader and are put off by other character having a lot of POVs in the story. Even though this fic's main POV is Alice, it's still a BxE fic guys! It's really well written and I would love to see more interest in the fic. Not being pushy or anything ok? Just hoping that you guys would give it a try! You'll love it. I promise!) On-going.**_

**3. Scarlet by Archer24 (the **_**author of Agent Guardian if anyone has read that fic.) An action packed one. I truly have enjoyed AG and now Scarlet has just recently been posted, I LOVE what I've read so far. On-going**_

**4. Thinking of You by Zoe (note to self – DO CHECK OUT THE AUTHOR'S NAME!) **_**Another good new story. This one is about old flame igniting once more. Bella is a divorce lawyer and Edward needs her help. Sparks fly and you know what they say about old flames lol! XD On-going**_

**5. Beautifully Broken by Xx Bri xX (this story's amazing beta) **_**This story is an AU while the others are all AH. I know some of you are put off by AU because you think that we would want to leave Twilight the way it is. Well, please re-consider it. Once again, not be pushy.. But I do really believe this fic is worth a try, and I do believe that most of you will like it. Well, I like it, so yea. A truly broken Bella and who else can fix her if not our darling Edward lol! On-going**_

**I really hope that you'll give all of these stories a try! It's worth it I promise you! Would love to hear in the review or PM about your thoughts on this fic! :) Don't forget to tell the author of the story about how you've discover the fic lol! XD**

**Please remember: please try to review. It's one thing that keeps us writing, not just me, but I would believe, most of the writers. Thank you!**

**I know I write long AN notes, maybe even longer than the fic itself. If you get annoy by it, please tell me so I can cut it down.**

**Thanks! XD  
Till then.**

**Gossip_bangkok**


	3. Chapter 2: Jasper's Cousin?

**AN: A big thanks to my betas, Xx Bri xX for always willing to answer my questions about the story and Flyawaydove for always checking my not-so-good grammar. To the readers and reviewers, without you, I wouldn't be writing.

* * *

**

**Jasper's Cousin?**

**EPOV**

"Edward, we're here." Alec tapped softly on the window, waiting for me to get my belongings together before opening the door for me. I must have fallen asleep on the way to Oxford Street.

I hate it when Alec does that. Normally, I would _order _him to let me do things such as opening the car door by myself, but I think Esme has been ordering him to ignore my requests. She doesn't understand why I don't like to be treated differently.

She thinks its fine for me, a young lad, to be driven to and from university and have special meals delivered to me at lunch time, and I have no idea how she found out about my schedule, because I would have _never_ given it to her. Who knows, she might pop in daily just to check that I'm still breathing. It annoyed me to no end, but I guess that was one of the ways Esme used to express her love for me.

Walking into a small cubical on the third floor of the Music Department practice building, I saw the up-right Steinway & Sons mahogany piano sitting in the middle. This is one of the best up-right pianos the department has ever gotten hold of since I've been here. I almost could swear on my life that no matter how horrible the pianist is, while on that piano, he or she would still sound heavenly. I found Tanya already set up her stand next to the piano. Tanya is a second year music major student just like me. The only different is that she can't play the piano as well as I can, but her voice is considered to be one of the best in our year. She's a singer, a Soprano.

"Morning Tanya, sorry I'm late." I quickly set my sheets up on the piano stand.

"No problem, Edward. You're not late; I'm the one who's late," Tanya replied with her _ultra white _teeth. I wonder how much she paid to get that done. I could probably buy myself a decent car with that amount. In addition to her platinum dyed blonde hair, fake tan and plastic boobs, she looks like damn Pamela Anderson, but with her Barbie-like personality, I would say she was more like Paris Hilton.

"Let's just get started." I figure the faster we get the practice over and done with, the better. Today, I have my Keyboard Performance. We could choose if we wanted to work towards vocal accompaniment or chamber music with other instruments like an orchestra. I chose vocal accompaniment out of the fact that I'll have to see less people, especially girls like Lauren, Jessica and Irina. Sadly, the plan includes accompanying for Tanya, the Queen of 'like'.

"Edward? Hello, you're, like, not playing. What are you, like, doing?" See, I told you, she said two like's in small three sentences. I don't know how I've put up with her, but I do and that's all it matters.

I started playing a modern piece, 'Hero', sung by MARIAH CAREY. To be honest, I thought the song is pretty good, but with Tanya singing it, it sounded like a song that is sung by a hooker rather than a vocalist. Tanya wasn't a bad singer at all; her soprano voice was childlike and if she knew how to use it correctly, she would receive an A because of her voice not because of her ass or her performance with the teachers the night before. Instead, she tried to make her voice sultry and husky; probably trying to make it sexier, but only making it sound like she's a pushover slut.

"I'm playing now," I mumbled.

After one and a half hours of practice, I was beyond exhaustion. Telling Tanya off when she didn't hit the notes, (which OCCURED very often), ended up in twenty minute arguments. She believed that not only did she sound perfect, but my piano playing put her off the beats. Every time we went higher than B in the octave above C major, she would be off tune. Professor Mathew would definitely notice it, and I would be marked for her mistake.

_*I just wanna live, don't really care what they say, don't really care about what happens to me, I just wanna live*_

My black 3G I-phone started to buzz in my left pocket. I saw that it was Jasper, and I eagerly answered it, thinking that it would be a good way to escape Slutya.

"Sup man, do you have time for a quick lunch with Allie, Rose, Emmett and I?" Normally Jasper didn't ask me out to lunch, knowing that I had a special diet to follow, and that it makes me uncomfortable when people eat normal food in front of me. How would you feel watching people eating steak, roasted potatoes and carrots while you have to eat yucky steamed tofu with brown rice?

"Sure. What's going on?" It annoyed me when the rest of the gang keeps secrets from me, which happens usually due to my _condition_.

"Nothing, we just want to introduce you to _our_ new friend. She just moved here from New Zealand," Jasper replied.

"Mmm… yea, sure, just tell me the time and place, I'll be there."

"We're all here at the cafeteria by the Biology building. Just waiting for you, bro."

"Ok. See you in a sec," I said before ending the call.

"Tanya, I have to go. Good practice today." I quickly grabbed my things before running out of the practice room.

_*You raised me up, so I can stand on mountains. You raised me up, to walk on stormy seas.*_

"What now," I groaned out.

"Hello, mother," I answered, knowing it was her because of the personal ringtone.

"Hello, my dear. Why did I just receive a call three minutes ago saying that Alec is there to deliver your _freshly cooked _meal at the practice room, and you're not there to eat it?" she sounded suspicious.

"Mom, I'm just going to hang out with the rest of the group, nothing major. As for the food, just tell Alec to put it in the room. I'll eat it later." I said, and disconnected her call. God, why would I eat that shit when I could eat steaks and bacon? Today was getting much better when I thought about the food I could order without Esme on my case.

Walking into the cafeteria, I started looking around for Emmett as he's always the one to stand out in the crowd. I spotted the table with four people—excluding Emmett. He had fallen off his chair and was now on the floor, laughing.

"Hey guys," I quickly greeted them.

"Hey," everyone greeted back in unison.

Jasper cleared his throat before saying, "Edward, this is Bella, she's my cousin who has recently came to the States from New Zealand."

I looked up, expecting to see another blonde haired, blue eyed girl. But instead, I found a heart shaped face, with a pair of soul-searching chocolate brown eyes, long mahogany hair tied up in a ponytail and a blush on her cheeks as she smiled shyly at me.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you, I'm Edward," I said, holding out my hand.

"Right back at you on that, and I'm Bella." She gave me a stunning smile, leaving me speechless for a moment. Her accent was similar to Mr. Knox, the music theories professor, who has recently moved from Melbourne, but Bella's accent was deeper.

"Dude, Eddie got a crush on the Kiwi!" Emmett exclaimed.

"No, I don't. I'm just surprised that Jasper's cousin doesn't look a thing like him, you oaf." I spoke with some volume.

"Do you really go to Berkeley Edward? We're cousins, not brother and sister, Jesus," Jasper said in a mocking tone.

"Sorry, guess that, after all those hours working with Tanya, her qualities are starting to rub off me."

"Rub off on?" Alice questioned, while Emmett was busy choking on his Coke.

"That's just sick sis. Don't you think I'm a bit classier than having to do Tanya?" I stood up. "I'm going to get some food, I'LL be back."

Alice raised her eyebrow. I knew that if Bella wasn't here, she would be asking why I'm having steak for lunch instead of Mum's _delicious goodies._ Thankfully, Bella is here, and therefore, Alice didn't dare say a thing.

Walking away from the table, I knew things were going to get really interesting. We haven't had an addition to our group since Jasper came along. I wondered how long I'D be able to hide my secret before I'd have to tell her.

Secrets are hard to keep, especially in a group so tightly knit as ours. How long would it take for her to figure out that something was wrong with me? I really hoped it wouldn't be soon; I like where I am right now.

Yep, I like where I am.

* * *

**AN: Like it/hate it? Please review! 3 I'm hoping to get around 27 reviews by this chapter. Would you help me to accomplish that goal ladies? :)**

**I forgot to say that I've found out about all the information on Edward's illness from mayoclinic (dot) com.. It's a great site.**

**Thanks to: TwilightAddict1991, Madcowre, Rote-kirsche, Chelz29, Katherinef7, Chels926, Mermolie and KBacon for reviewing! :) You have no idea how much it means to me especially when some of you girlies are from Twitter! XD**

**Also, thanks to people who have put this story into their alert and/or favorite list! XD **

**Here's my rec'c for this chapter: _Run This Town by klm2674, Reunion by KeepersOfTheNaughtySparkle, Controlled Burn by Staceygirl aka jackbauer._**

**come visit me on twitter?? I'm gossip_bangkok there also! XD **

**Thanks for reading AND REVIEWING lol! :)**


	4. Chapter 3: Meeting Isabella Marie Swan

**AN: I apologies for the lateness. Please blame hot images of Rob in VF November issue. **

**Thanks to Xx Bri xX and Flyaway Dove for betaing and Madcowre for pre-reading! :) 3 you three!! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I don't even think I'll own the VF November issue.. :( **

**Chapter 3: Meeting Isabella Marie Swan**

**EPOV**

Walking up to the food counter made me felt like a kid in the candy store. There were good-old hamburgers, kebab's, Chinese food and last but not least, steaks.

I darted off directly to the steak counter and ordered a C set, which is beef steak, along with some wedges and steamed vegetables.

Hey, at least I'm eating my _veggies_ right? After I paid for my food, I walked back to the table.

"Bro, why do you work with _Tanya_?" Jasper questioned.

"What's wrong working with her?" I asked back.

"Dude, she broke your heart. She told you that she was in it for the money," Emmett added.

"It's not like I can do anything. Tanya is the best singer in my class. I want a good grade. Nothing's wrong with wanting good grades," I gritted out, my anger flaring up.

"Edward, you wouldn't even talk to her at the start of the term. Why are you now?" Alice placed her hand on mine. It was our way of comforting each other.

"It's Esme," Rose said in a matter-of-fact tone.

I didn't answer, knowing that there was no way I could keep the secret.

"Whatever she told you Edward, it's not true. She asked you to give Tanya another try didn't she?" Alice huffed.

"Yes," I whispered.

"It's not fair on you." Jasper added.

I didn't really care what people said. Esme asked me to give Tanya another chance. I compiled. It's not like I'm going to date her or anything. I'm just going to pretend that I've forgotten what happened ten months ago.

But Esme was persistent, and she was getting on my nerves. So I promised that I'll be nice to Slutya and, in return, she would shut up about the whole thing.

_*Flashback*_

"_Edward, why the hell are you throwing the money away to some POOR people?" Tanya screamed._

"_It would benefit them more than us Tanya. And it's not like we can take money with us when we die," I chuckled darkly._

"_It's not like you're going to die you asshat!"Tanya then stomped off. Pausing at the door, she smiled sweetly at me before saying, "and for your information, I only wanted you for your money. As I can see, you won't be useful to me any longer. Good-bye Edward," she grinned evilly and slammed the door shut._

_I didn't hear from Tanya for a month. Then one day, Esme lectured me about how I should talk to her and how Tanya wasn't eating because of me, because I 'broke her heart', blah blah blah._

_She didn't know a thing and I didn't intend to tell her what Tanya did to me. I still didn't understand why she tried to push Tanya and I together. It's not like we make a good couple or anything. _

_Now, I just treated her if she doesn't exist or I simply imagine her as a cabbage. _

_*End of flashback* _

Emmett cleared his throat before saying, "Ok. Rose, Alice, Jasper and I have to get going, because we have graduated, and you haven't. So, we're leaving it up to you to help Bella out. Thanks and bye." He grabbed Rose's arm and pulled her out of the cafeteria. Alice and Jasper followed them out.

"So, what do you have after lunch Bella?" I tried to converse with her as she had barely spoken a single word.

"Conducting with Professor Rolanzo." Bella didn't make eye contact with me and continued to play with her salad.

"Wait. You're music major?"

"Yes, is there a problem with that?" She glared at me.

"No, I'm sorry," I scoffed as I wondered why she's being such a bitch. I was only trying to make a conversation.

"Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a bitch to you. It's just it feels weird being here. I hate moving. You know?"

"No, not really. I haven't moved since…" I stopped half way, not allowing myself to remember my past.

The last time I moved was when my parents died in a plane crash. Before that, we lived in New York, but when Esme adopted me, I had to move to California.

"Another story for some other time, huh?" she smiled. It wasn't a pity smile like others give me, it was more like she was teasing me for stopping so suddenly.

"Yes," I replied. "Well, I also have conducting with Professor Rolanzo, so we can walk to the class together." I looked up, seeing that Bella was surprised by my offer. "If you want to, of course" I added.

"Oh sorry," she blushed, realizing what I saw before she composed herself. "I was just shocked that you offered, you didn't seem to even notice me sitting here when you were talking to the others."

"It's not that. I just had a lot of my mind." I wonder why that small misunderstanding makes me feel so unsettled.

"Ok. We better get going. With Prof. Rolanzo, you have to be very punctual. Got it Kiwi?" I teased.

"Yep, sure thing," she smiled back. Her smile was so peaceful and calming that I never wanted her to stop smiling again.

Wait what am I saying? I was just introduced to her, and not even an hour ago.

We walked quietly, bypassing many rooms before walking into the lecture hall. As we walked in, I noticed that we were the only ones yet to be seated.

"You're three minutes late" the Professor scowled. I turned to Bella, raising my eyebrows giving her the "I told you so" look.

"Professor, I have a new student with me. That's why I was late." I smiled at him, as if it was a plea for him to not mark me down.

No other professor in the university cares about attendance, but when we asked Professor Rolanzo about it, he simply told us that a conductor should never be late. He should always be early, as he's the one leading the whole group of people. I say he's a control freak.

"It seems you're the last _couple_ to arrive, therefore, you're partners, got it? This term assessment is not purely on conducting, but I want you two to compose a song for the whole orchestra. It can be an old piece that you've arranged or an original piece you've composed. It is due three months from now. Remember, you still have a normal conducting theory class with me weekly." He walked into his office, not giving us a chance to ask any questions.

Bella and I stood there stunned for a couple of minutes before we both processed what the professor has told us.

"Shall we get started then, partner?" I raised my hands before taking a grand gesture of taking her hands. I lead her into the corridor looking for an empty and private practice room.

"Where are we going?" Bella's voice quivered slightly.

"To a practice room. Don't worry, I'm not going to take you into the woods and murder you," I laughed as Bella exhaled loudly, unable to compose myself. I laughed again, forgetting where we were going.

"Edward, there're signs saying that we have to be quiet. So stop laughing, and it wasn't funny." She stomped her feet. Quite the tantrum thrower I see.

I found an empty room and led her into it, closing the door behind us.

_This is going to be one interesting afternoon. Something is changing; I can feel it, _I thought as Bella looked around the room_. For the better. I hope._

* * *

**AN: Review please? (I only got 5 last time.. *sob*) :) Like it? Yes, I know, I haven't update in 15 days. RL kinda suck at the moment. So what do you ladies think about the VF photos of Rob?? I love the piano one most. Probably because I play the piano too. *mental image***

**Big thanks to Katherinef7, ., madcowre, chels926 and mermolie for reviewing. I 3 you girls! :) And thanks to those who have favorite and alerts as well.. Most of all, thanks for reading! :)**

**Here's the rec'c for this week. I only choose fics that are complete, as I do think some of you like to read things that have been completed! :)**

**A Beautiful Lie by **_**Brindalyn = **_**Bella kept a secret from Edward, her best friend, whom she has been in love with since high school. What happens when Edward finds out about the secret? Will it mends them together or tore them apart! It's a great story. I love Hollyward and that's what you get in this fic lol! :)**

**Kidnapped by Madcowre = as you can tell by the title. But wait, there's more than that. Bella and Edward hated each other, but when a certain circumstance pushes them together, will they be able to come to an understanding of each other before it's too late? Love the lemons in this! :)**

**Blind by Jayeliwood = Blindward and Bella met in college. Will they be able to move pass the obstacles most people wouldn't have to face? Another beautifully written story!**

**Guardian Agent by Archer24 = an action pack! Bella isn't who she said to be while Edward finds out that maybe, Bella is different from those girls he used. **

**Falling For You by GreenEyedGirl17 = Bitchy ex-wife, two daughters completely the opposite, equal Edward Cullen. When Edward meets Bella at a family party, sparks flies. Can they get pass the obstacles and continue to trust each other?**

**Tell me what you think of these fics!**

**P.S. I now have a blog where I rec'c fics! come and visit me! http.// gossip-bangkok (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**xx**

**Gossip_bangkok**


	5. Chapter 4: Composing

**AN: As most of you knew, on Thursday, Rhiannon aka Madcowre was in a car accident. This chapter is dedicated to her and I hope all of you would keep her in your prayers and thoughts. Rhiannon, I hope you'll have a speedy recovery bb. 3 I miss tweeting and gchating with you darlin! Thanks to Xx Bri xX and Flyawaydove for betaing. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own a New Moon poster. . .**

**Chapter 4: Composing**

**EPOV**

We began brain storming ideas of the songs we thought we could re-arrange for the occasion. By the hour mark, we couldn't agree to which classical songs we wanted to use. I actually wanted to write a new composition, but I was afraid that Bella would feel uncomfortable.

Composing a piece of music is like writing a diary: you pour your whole heart into it. To some people, it's like reading a book: music tells you so many things about the composer himself.

_Crap, I thought_. I didn't even ask what instrument Bella plays.

"Um, Bella, what instrument do you play?"

"Violin and piano," she answered without looking at me. I guess she was still angry with me for winning the game we used to decide whether we would re-arrange or compose a song. I can't help it if she sucks at "Rock, Paper, scissor".

"Ok. So would it be ok if we help each other compose the music, or do you want me to compose it and you can write up the strings' notes?" I suggested, thinking that there was no way in the whole wide world would she ever agree to compose with me.

"No, I want to help writing it up," she demanded.

"Sure. So, I've already got a couple of bars that I wanted to put in the piece. Tell me what you think ok?" I sat myself, patting the seat for her to join me.

Once she seated herself, I started to play her a composition I wrote for my mother, Elizabeth. It was the piece I wrote for her a couple of years before the accident.

"Edward," Bella mumbled.

I turned to my left, seeing her sitting on a chair beside the piano, tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you crying Bella?" I was confused.

"You're Anthony Masen aren't you?" She finally looked up, staring me in the eye.

"How do you. . ." Anthony Masen was the name I used when I performed with my parents when I was little. My father, a pianist, always asked me to do a piece with him whenever I was at his concerts.

Not many people know that my real name is Edward, and it has been a long time since I've played in a concert.

"You know?"

"After hearing this composition, yes. I went to that concert you know. The composition is called Elizabeth's Heart isn't it?" she smiled.

"Yes." I looked down as I felt the tears coming.

"I'm really sorry about what happened, Edward. I was only seven then, but I remembered how beautiful and magnificent the concert was. Your parents, they were amazing." She smiled timidly.

"It doesn't matter. Let just get on with the work. Shall we?" I winced at my tone. Bella recoiled back and nodded with a slight smile.

"Bella, I didn't mean for it to sound as if I'm. . ."

"It's ok, Edward. I understand, really. You don't have to say a thing," she smiled.

_I wonder how much she knows about losing people you love._

**Story note: Yes, Edward did played in a concert at the age of 6. A bit like W.A. Mozart lol. :) But it doesn't mean that he has to play a complicate piece.. but it would be complicate for other child his age.. Am I making sense at all lol? :O) Well.. I hope you caught on to what I'm saying lol**

**AN: Like it? I know it's short, but I'm trying to update as frequently as I can. Please R&R!! :O) Also, please keep Madcowre in your prayers. 3 Don't forget to check out my new blog lol! www (dot) gossip-bangkok (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**A GIGANTIC thank you to Madcowre, Rote-krische, Mire (I couldn't reply because you didn't sign in), Katherinef7, Gaby47, Chelsea926, CJ1325 and KBacon.. :) I love all of you!! Thanks for reviewing!**

**Also a BIG thanks to people who have favorite and alert this fic! You have no idea how happy I am that so many people are interested in my writing! **

**Here's the weekly rec'c! :) (only one this time!) As it is Coldplaywhore and Flightlessbird11 week on P.I.C. Fanfic Corner (go check out their interview and teasers), so I thought I would recommend one of my favorite fictions from Coldplaywhore.**

_**American Girl **_**by Coldplaywhore = Edward and Bella both travelled to Europe for a backpacking trip before college starts. Meeting on the way, they became friends and decided to travel together. We all know Edward and Bella can't keep away from each other. . This is a wonderful complete fic by a wonderful author. I highly recommend it especially for people who are HEA fans. There's a sequel called **_**American Boy**_** which is amazing and full of fluff as well! :)**

**Till the next time. (I promise soon!)**

**Gossip_bangkok**


	6. Chapter 5: The Lyrics

**AN: I know.. I'm a bit slow this time aren't I? I'm getting faster though.. right? :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.. I own a box of Jules Destrooper Almond Thins biscuits though, and it's tasty! :)**

**Big thanks to Xx Brii Xx and Flyawaydove for beta-ing and for Madcowre for pre-reading. (I'm glad you're back Madcowre!)**

**My first try at polyvore is Bella's outfit for this chapter. Do you like it?? http: . com/bella_ch5/set?id=13376550**

* * *

**Chapter 5 – The Lyrics**

**EPOV**

A few weeks had passed by; Bella and I were still busy with the composition. We decided that we wanted to put some lyrics to it, so off we went writing on our own.

After that, we couldn't decide whose lyrics we would use, as both of ours were really good, well in truth, we didn't really know, but neither of us wanted to lose. Being the competitive ass I am, I suggested that we should invite Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper to our practice room one evening and each perform our separate lyrics.

Out of the two years I've been at Berkeley, I have never written this type of lyrical music. I usually stick to re-arranging or writing songs for the orchestra. But this time, things are different because I've got Bella as a partner.

After Emmett Pleaded with Bella and gave her the puppy eyes, we relented to having a karaoke night at Emmett's pub for the final decision to be made about our lyrics.

I'd never heard Bella's song before and she had never heard mine. I had been practicing all night, and I bet Bella had been too, because she's a poor loser. I discovered that during our many mini games to decide who got to make the final decision in whatever we were discussing.

Bella stomped her feet like a little kid and accused me of cheating multiple times. Like I would do that! It was simply because she sucks at games.

I thought it would be good for Bella to go first, (in my defense; ladies always go first). However, the rest of the gang disagreed as she's new in town and all. It's not like I'm throwing her to the sharks or something. They'll just have to get over it.

Eventually, though, I won the argument in the end. I smirked at Bella before running off to check on the guitar, leaving her to sulk over the fact that she had to go first.

The familiar haunting sound started to flow through the room, making me remember how depressed I was when I wrote the song. It belonged to my mother; the composition was about how angry I was with her for leaving me in this world that is full of disappointment and pain.

Maybe I should have never used this song; this is way too personal.

Suddenly, Bella's soft, soprano voice accompanied the music. I had never heard her sing, but I would have never ever thought that she would be this good at it.

I mean, come on, she played the piano and violin, but I did not know she could sing this beautifully—definitely better than Tanya. I started to listen carefully, only to realize that the lyrics were about someone whom she had loved.

_"The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time  
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain, there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on  
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead  
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
with a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing  
In your name (in your name) I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')  
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day  
Just to see what you throw my way  
And I'm hanging on to the words you say  
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
with a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),  
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),  
I'm barely holdin' on to you"

Left speechless, I realized that I was not the only one stunned into silence. The entire room had fallen silent. Looking around, everyone was literally frozen.

Not only was the message in the song daunting, but the emotions that Bella brought when she sung it made the song was like no other. It was personal, raw and, most of all, it felt _real_.

I tears on my cheeks. Embarrassed, I quickly wiped them away.

Bella quickly got off the stage after the spotlight on her was turned off. Ducking her head all the way to our table, it was clear that she was embarrassed by the attention she had gained.

"Kiwi girl, that was awesome." Emmett high-fived her; he always seemed to know how to cheer up the atmosphere, and this is one of those scarce times that I am thankful for it.

I simply smiled at her.

"I definitely agree with Emmett on this, Bella," Rosalie smiled.

"Come on Eddie boy. Don't make us wait any longer!" Jasper retorted while raising his eyebrows to show that he saw me staring at Bella.

I nodded before walking onto the stage. I grabbed the microphone, and said, "I dedicate this song to my lifelong friends and our new friend, Bella, who I know has already become a precious part of our group."

Allowing my fingers to flow freely on the guitar chords, remembering the lyrics, I took a deep breath before singing,

_"Woke up and wished that I was dead  
With an aching in my head  
I lay motionless in bed  
I thought of you and where you'd gone  
and let the world spin madly on_

Everything that I said I'd do  
Like make the world brand new  
And take the time for you  
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn  
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by  
I always say goodbye  
I watch the stars from my window sill  
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead  
With an aching in my head  
I lay motionless in bed  
The night is here and the day is gone  
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone  
And the world spins madly on."

I bowed my head down for a few seconds, allowing the atmosphere to linger for a little longer. I slowly looked up. Funnily enough, the first's person I saw was Bella. She was staring at me, right in the eyes, as if she was trying to figure me out.

Right next to Bella, Alice had her hands covering her entire face, her tiny body was shaking.

_"Fuck," _I muttered_. _I knew it! I knew that song was going to make Alice and everyone I love think about my past and my future. I should have never done this, it was a stupid idea.

While trying to get pass the crowd, I felt something, (or a certain Pixie), smack onto my chest. She literally was hanging on to me and I had to half-carry her back to our table.

Sitting across from me was none other than Bella. She looked at me as if she was pleading silently, wanting to know what was going on. I nodded slightly, hoping she'd understand that now wasn't the time.

I inhaled slowly, wanting to clear my mind even though Alice was still clinging onto my shirt and using it as a tissue to wipe her nose.

I sighed, rubbing my temple while trying to soothe Alice.

_I knew this was coming. I knew I'm going to have to explain to Bella soon. _

* * *

**Song list:**

**Broken by The Lifehouse (Squinoa suggested this song too) - sung by Bella**

**World Spins Madly On by The Weepies (JustForkIt suggested so thanks!) - sung by Edward**

**To Jjuliebee who has suggested another song, but I didn't get to use it. Thanks and I'm sure I'll use it soon! **

* * *

**AN: Like it? Yes, no? Review please? :) Thanks. Can we try to beat 10 reviews this time?? Please? **

**I'm happy to say that Madcowre is on the road to recovery. Thanks to those who keeps her in their prayers! **

**Thanks to Chels926, UnaRJ, Rote-Krische, Juliamine (I know.. I can't promise HEA, but hope that you'll continue to support bb!), Bubblez (your reply is at the bottom) and Katherinef7 for reviewing! :) It means the whole to me. Also to those who have put this fic on their favorite or alert lists! **

**This week pimping is going to be a fic and a blog, so go check it out ok ladies? :)**

_**It was only his baby **_**by Juliamine Some of you may have read this fic already, but I just had to rec'c it because I only discovered it last week, and instantly fell in love with it. It's about Alice and Bella; a life partner decided that they want to try out for a baby, not knowing what troubles they are bringing upon themselves especially when they asked Edward for help! I know some of you may haven't try reading slash fic yet, but do give it a try! It's awesome. As for Edward, he's such a darling, but you'll have to go and read to find out why! **

**As for the blog, go check out P.I.C Off Corner that is run by my new twitter friends, TwiOthGirly and TillyWhitlock http:// picffcorner. blogspot. com/ It's a reviewing blog where they also interview writers such as Coldplaywhore and Kikikinz. Go say hello to these girls!! **

**Last but not least. Thank you for reading! **

**Till the next time.. (not too far away, I hope)**

**xoxo**

* * *

**To Bubblez,**

**Thanks for reviewing. Yea, I didn't know I could write like this either. I hope you're liking it so far and will continue to support this fic! **


	7. Chapter 6: At the End of the Day

**AN: Big thanks to Xx Bri xX and Flyawaydove for betaing. This piece of writing would be completely shit if it wasn't for you both.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

* * *

**Chapter 6 – At the End of the Day**

**EPOV**

For half an hour, all of us were quiet. And when I say quiet, I mean there was no fucking sound made by any of us. The Noise of the club continued around us, but we all stayed silent.

Alice was still clinging to my shirt. Bella keep looking back and forth, looking conduced and lost. Emmett was staring at his hands, probably trying not to cry or beat the fuck out of me. He always did that when I made Alice cry. Rosalie was just looking at her drink while trying to soothe Emmett. Jasper was looking as if he WAS going to break down with all the emotional outbreaks.

"Enough dude. We should just call it a night, huh?" Jasper was the first one to have the guts to break the silence.

"Yeah, I guess. Let's just go." I stood and bent down to pick up Alice. However, Jasper intercepted and lifted her up. When Alice sensed it was Jasper, she instantly threw her arms around his neck and started to SOB again.

"Edward, take Bella back to her apartment for me alright? I think Alice needs me for the night." Jasper looked at me in the eyes, silently pleading.

"Sure," I replied.

"Ok. So everything is settled." Emmett sighed before turning his head to see that Bella was trying to pay for her drinks.

"Bella, stop trying to stick the money down the waiter's throat; it's on me." A small smile crept onto Emmett's face.

"But…alright, only this time Emmett." Bella smiled at him and stood.

"Edward," Emmett added, "take all the time you need before coming home, alright?"

I smiled and nodded. He knew that I'd probably drive around the city, just to clear my head for a bit. It WAS a way for me to calm myself and so that no one would see me break down.

As we headed out of the club, I spotted Tanya on the bar stool, looking straight at me. I shifted my glance and started to hurry through the exit door.

"What's wrong Edward?" Bella asked, looking confused by the change of speed.

"Nothing; let's just go." I practically darted out of the club, Ambrosia.

Yes, he named his club after his favorite pudding. But really, what more did you expect?

When we got to the car, Bella raised her eyebrows at me. I could see that she was shocked, but from what?

Finally noticing my confusion, she explained, "Edward, you drive a fucking R8."

"And?"

"It COSTS over a hundred grand Edward." I could tell that she was surprised and somewhat excited.

"Well, it is said to be better than the Lamborghini Gallardo." I smirked. So, Bella knows her cars.

"Mmmm," she moaned as her eyes fluttered closed. Dear god, I wish I knew what she was thinking. It was obvious of course, it was the car and honestly what the hell did I expect?

"Shall we?" I cleared my throat, wanting to get out of the car park.

Esme didn't let me out with the R8 or the Aston Martin DBS V12 with Bang & Olufsen sound system that cost me $269,000 and the Mercedes S class Guard. Esme made me purchase the last one.

It's the one Alec drives me around. I simply don't understand why the fuck she made me purchase that car. No one is going to kill me. It's not like I have that long to live anyway.

"Edward…"

I turned, seeing Bella looking frightened.

"Sorry, I kind of went into a thinking mode. Let's get going then!" I smiled.

"Don't force yourself Edward. It doesn't reach your eyes you know?" Her voice seemed somewhat sad.

"Bella, is it alright with you if we take a detour? I want to take somewhere. You don't have to say yes," I rushed out, suddenly very nervous.

"Sure thing Edward," Bella said sweetly as she smiled back at me.

_This is the time to tell her Edward…tell her the whole story. _

* * *

**Like it, hate it? I know this is short, but I know everyone is excited about New Moon, so I thought I would make this short and sweet. I went to see New Moon tonight and I loved it. Especially when Rob and Taylor went topless lol. I'm such a perv, I know. Please review? Let's get pass ten this time, so review? :) More is coming very soon! **

**Here's the weekly rec'c**

_**Controlled Burn **_**by Staceygirl aka jackbauer = one of my favorite fic at this very moment. Bella is older and Edward is Bella's best friend's bother. They met and shits happened. A cute romance T rated fic. Give it a try! **

**Lastly, enjoy New Moon guys and have a great weekend! ;)**


	8. Chapter 7: Keep Holding On

**AN: Hey guys. I'm back with another chapter. Quick right? My only request for you the readers, is to review. Please! Let's make it to 10 this time! (so we'll reach 80 =])**

**A big thanks to Xx Bri xX for being the best Aussie beta anyone could have ever asked for! And Flyaway Dove for always correcting HEAPS of grammartical mistakes!! ILY both! **

**THIS IS THE BETTER EDITED VERSION! :) SOME WORDS CHANGES MAY OCCUR (26/11/09) BUT NOTHING MAJOR!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did, I would make Edward kiss me instead of Bella. (yeah, I said it. XD) Also to LexyW (author of Fighting for Love for always reviewing and encouraging me!) ILY both very much bb!**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Keep Holding On**

**EPOV**

"So, where are we going Edward?" Bella asked quietly, sounding somewhat scared.

"Just to a place, Bella, chillax." I raised both of my arms as if to surrender, forgetting for a moment that I was driving.

"Edward! You're driving; hands on the wheel!" Bella screeched frantically.

"We're nearly there. Don't panic. I really don't want to take another detour to the hospital Isabella." I smirked.

"Don't you dare called me Isabella, I hate that name," she venomously snapped at me.

"Sorry, but we're here." I pulled the car into a stop, swung my door open, and rushed to Bella's side to open her door.

"Where are we, Edward?" she asked as she gave me a half-hearted smile.

"This is Elizabeth and Edward Sr.'s California house, Bella," I whispered.

I hadn't been here for 16 years. I never came back after my parents' funeral, but I couldn't sell it. I never would be able to.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Bella asked, "Edward, why did you bring me here?"

I merely shrugged in physical response. "I guess it's because you're the first person who realized who I am just by listening to my piano piece." I smiled as I recalled her face when she looked at me in astonishment.

"It's not too hard Edward. If other people listen carefully enough, they would realize it, too."

I took a deep breath before saying, "I think I owe you an explanation, huh?"

"No, you don't Edward. If it makes you uncomfortable, then don't explain anything to me. You don't owe me anything," Bella said cautiously as she took her bottom lip between her teeth.

"But you see Bella, I don't have a choice." I looked away from her briefly, smiling sadly. I no longer had that choice, there was only one thing I could do. True, I had only known Bella for a short period of time, but in my case, time was not an issue because my time was limited; each day was equivalent to months of a normal life for me, perhaps even a year.

So, I did tell her. I told her about my childhood, about how wonderful and loved I felt. Even though my parents were always busy, they would always call and take me to their concerts with them.

I told her about how I started to take piano and singing lessons from my parents and how much I enjoyed it. Then suddenly, those wonderful feelings came to an end, when my nanny, Bree, came to my room in the middle of the night to tell me that my parents were in an accident and that they WERE gone FOREVER.

As I spoke, Bella's face conveyed a mix of sympathy and pain. Tears began to fall down her face. I slowly wiped the her tears away as I continued to tell her about how I had to move to California and how that move included starting a new life with Esme and Carlisle's family.

I told her of how lonely I felt when Esme hugged me and I wished it was my mother's hug instead.

I confessed that at the age of sixteen, I discovered the use of heroine. By using it, I was able to forget the world, even if it was only for a short period of time.

I explained it in detail, including how I wouldn't listen to anyone because I didn't think of them as my family. By no means did I not love them; I pushed them away because I never thought I could have a new family. I tried to put it in words that Bella could understand, but, I could only think of one thing to describe it.

"I felt it wasn't fair to my biological parents." I looked at Bella and took a breath. "They had to suffer, be gone forever, and I got to have fun, have a new family, and laugh." Bella smiled slightly, carefully, her deep brown eyes swimming with tears and a certain extent of understanding.

"At the age of seventeen, I fell into a deep depression." Bella nodded and turned to face me more.

"No one really noticed except for Alice and Emmett. Carlisle was barely home, he worked long hours at the hospital, you know?" Bella once again nodded, but said nothing. "And Esme, well she tried to act like she cared, or at least it seemed that way. But, she partied a lot.

"She isn't a bad woman, in fact she's actually very loving; it's just the way she suddenly changed….I didn't see cause for that kind of swift and altered persona."

I honestly didn't know what preempted Esme's sudden transformation into a loving mother figure, but when I got into Berkeley at the age of eighteen, she was just like that. I also, to this day, have no clue as to why she tried to push Tanya and me together.

Esme had hated Tanya when they first met; she wouldn't even sit in the same room as her. But somehow, magically, Esme suddenly started trying to get us together. Sadly, for her, the plan was short lived when Tanya went on the psycho path after I told her what I was going to do with _my _money.

Throughout my story, Bella sat patiently, not pressuring me to continue.

Gathering as much courage as I could, I told her about my illness. I had never seen anyone's composure slip so suddenly, or be regained just as fast. I told Bella everything, including that I had two years left to live.

"There is so much I wish I could do…I wish I could become a pianist, travel the world, just things…" I shook my head and sighed.

"Why don't you?" Bella asked as she brushed under her eyes.

"Esme would never let me; she thinks I'm too weak."

A few minutes of silence passed between us. Bella faced me, tears slowly welling in her eyes. She sniffled. "Edward, I'm so sorry…"

I had no idea what came over me, but I was soon pulling Bella into a hug.

I had cried a few times, but never in the company of others. But as I sat there with Bella, tears started to form in my eyes. Not being able to control the urge any longer, I cried out in pain.

For once I didn't care about being in the sight of company. I cried for my parents, for my life and how it turned out, for all the things I've faced and done, and all the things I would never get the chance to do.

I knew that it wasn't fair on Bella, but I just couldn't hold it together for a minute longer. Pushing my face into Bella's hair, smelling the sweet strawberry scent, I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

"Edward, it's going to be alright…it's going to be alright," Bella soothed me, whispering in my ear. I hadn't noticed before, but the abruptness of how close our faces were shocked me.

What the hell, I thought, nothing could get worse; I should just kiss her.

For almost as long as I have known Bella, I've been dreaming, thinking, and over thinking the idea of kissing her. So, without thinking any further, I slowly pressed my lips against Bella's.

Under my lips, Bella was as still as a stone. When I decided to pull away from her unresponsive mouth, Bella suddenly parted her lips and deepened our kiss. All of my thoughts went out the window as we continued to kiss for god knows how long.

When I felt Bella shiver, I was pulled out of my lustful state and realized how windy it was. I had no idea how long we had been out here for. At the moment, I couldn't care less.

I pulled back from her, regrettably, and immediately missed the contact.

"Bella, I think it's better if I drive you home now," I said sadly, pulling her to her feet and walking back to the car. I opened the passenger's door for her, giving her time to process the information I unloaded onto her. I honestly hoped that she would stick around, but, I doubted it.

I wasn't going to selfishly ask her to stick around and watch me die. As I slipped into my side of the car, I noticed that Bella was sobbing silently and uncontrollably.

"Baby, I'm sorry." I tried to reach for her, but my hand jerked back on its own accord.

"I'm s-sorry, Edward. I can't…"

The words 'I can't' broke my heart. I knew what she WAS going to say, and what would come after this. She would say that she couldn't be my friend, and she couldn't sit and watch me die.

It hurt, and I wish it didn't hurt so much. I tried to inconspicuously wipe the tears away. I had to get it together; I had to get Bella home safely.

I didn't even know why I kissed her. I didn't even know why I was feeling this way. I certainly didn't know why I was thinking it was possible for her to love me.

_All I knew was that I was already in love with her. It may seem impossible and extreme given the sort time I have known her. But, no matter how ridiculous it sounded, no matter if she didn't want to be with me. I knew that I could not stop loving her._

* * *

**AN: Hate it, love it? I know, a bit angsty right?? I promise that fluff is going to come soon, only if you review though. KIDDING! :P But please review!! It means a lot to me to read what you guys think of the chapter and this fic as a whole.**

**I hope everyone enjoyed New Moon. I certainly did. The only thing I wish they did more often was the toplessness! :P**

**Thanks to the reviewers - Juliamine, ideblade, Anonymous (I couldn't reply), Mallory83 (the most heartfelt review ever!) and LexyW. All of your reviews mean a lot to me. ILY all!! **

**Also, thanks to people who have put this fic on their favorite list and alerts! :)**

**Rec'c of the chapter would be, **

_**Defying Gravity by Jenny0719 – A completed fic.**_** A great ERward meeting with grieving Bella. Will Alice's feeling came true about the fact that Edward is going to end up hurting Bella true? Or will they get passed all the obstacles. An amazing, well written fic. Another must read! :)**

**Also, if you guys know any good Hollywood theme fics, please rec'c them on your review. I have an obsession with this type of fic and I'm trying to find as much as I can. I even start a thread on twilighted forum lol! **

**Lastly, thank you for reading! Don't forget to press that green button! Thanks! ^-^**


	9. Chapter 8: A Hole In My Heart

**AN: Here's the new chapter. Just a warning, I will change the rating to M in the next chapter because the wonderful, Juliamine (no shit), the author of 'It Was Only His Baby' is going to co-write the chapter, specialized in the smutty section lol. So, if anyone doesn't want me to do so, please say so in the review and I'll see what I can do. But I don't think anyone would say 'no' to smut would they?**

**Thanks to Xx Bri xX for betaing and editing. ILY!! :) Thanks to Flyaway Dove for betaing and fixing all of my grammartical errors!! :) **

**Thanks to all the ladies on Twitter for encouraging me. ;) ILY all. I'm gossip_bangkok on twitter so add me and I'll add you back if you want to!**

**This chapter was EDITED on the 29th of November. Only a few words are different and there was NO major changes. Only a minor one.**

**I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, but we don't have it in Thailand so I wouldn't know what you do. *sob* **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own a New Moon soundtrack though! ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 8: A Hole in My Heart**

**EPOV**

I drove back to Bella's place as quickly as I could. I wanted her out of my car; she needed to be out of my proximity before I let my emotions loose.

Tonight I'm glad I chose to drive the R8. It only took 20 minutes to get back to Bella's condo and as soon I had shut the engine off I was out of my side, over to hers, holding the door open. I quickly rushed her out of the car and towards the front door, even though all I really wanted to do was to run and hide.

There was really nothing left now. I knew that I, most probably, could never again look her in the eyes. Not after what she said—or rather didn't say— and most definitely not after what I had told her. The only thing I was sure of was that nothing would ever be the same again.

Swallowing in what I hoped to be silence, I dogged her eyes once again and literally ran back to my car after Bella closed her front door.

The funny thing was that when I got into the car, I couldn't move an inch. My brain couldn't process, my heart couldn't process, so I did the only thing my body, mind, and heart would allow me to: I cried. I cried for the possibility of her and I, for my stupid selfish wishes and hopes that would in the end only hurt both of us more. I cried until there was nothing left to give.

After the tears subsided, I vowed to never hope or dream ever again. More than anything, I wished that there was someone here to hold me, to keep me grounded, to tell me that it was going to be alright. It would have been a lie of course. Things weren't going to be alright—dying has that effect.

I wished that my mother was here to sing to me. I wished that Bella was here, her hands playing with my hair as she whispered words of comfort. They were all vain and unexplainable wishes. A wish cannot raise the dead, it can't turn back time, it can't make the impossible possible. A wish is just that: a wish. It's nothing more.

I sat in the car, not wanting to head home even though it was after one. Esme would be worried, infuriated that I was not safely tucked under her arm. I tried to wipe the bitterness away and not let the anger consume me at the unfair standards she set. As I drove home, I thought with a resigned sigh, at last I have nothing left to lose.

The drive was spent in silence, completely unadulterated BY any noises other than my breathing and the purr of the engine. Once I arrived at home, I parked my R8 in the drive instead of the garage as usual. If they didn't like it, or thought that I was being inconsiderate, I didn't care. My only thought was 'fuck 'em all'.

I opened the car door quietly, walking towards the front door and trying to walk in with the same manner. Unfortunately for me, Esme was sitting on the staircase waiting for me.

"Edward, where have you been?" she asked with a warning tone.

"Out," I nearly spat with sarcasm. I knew it wasn't the time to act like a smartass, but I couldn't help it. Treating me life a five year old for so long took its toll, and I couldn't stand it a second longer.

"Edward, I will ask again: where have you been?" Esme's voice became forceful and hard as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"In the Red Light district, visiting my favorite whore house; that's where I've been. I don't think I have to explain to you what I was doing there, do I?" I asked with my head cocked to the side. Esme's mouth popped open wordlessly as she stared at me in disbelief.

"Happy?" I snapped as I stomped passed her. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I honestly just didn't get it. Why the fuck did she have to ask what I've been up to, when my brother and sister could get in and out of the house anytime they wanted?

I threw my bedroom door open and slammed it closed just as hard. I couldn't give two shits about who I awoke. I didn't think anyone was asleep anyway. I had seen Rosalie and Jasper's car in the driveway. My guesses were that they were going things that I didn't want to know about.

_-_--

_The next morning_

I opened my eyes after a night of tossing and turning, wondering how the hell I was going to survive today as I stared up at the ceiling. I knew that I did not want to talk to anyone today. More specifically I didn't want to talk to Esme, or Bella.

Of course the first thing I saw when I checked my blackberry was a text message from Bella.

**Hey,**

**I hope you got home alright last night. It was late. Can we meet at the car park?**

**-B**

After seeing the text, my heart broke again; something that I didn't think was possible. I gave up hoping and dreaming last night, so why did it feel like my world was shattering all over again?

Looking at the clock, I knew I had to get going. Bella and I had to decide on the lyrics to our composition. I already knew it was going to be a hard day.

I took a quick shower and dressed for the day. I grabbed my wallet, keys, I-Phone, and Blackberry before I headed downstairs. I had brought myself a 3G I-Phone a couple of months ago, specifically for Esme to call. If I didn't want to pick up, I would just turn off the volume. The blackberry was so that I would still have a phone to use. No one expect Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Rose, and… well, Bella, knew I had it.

I really had to stop thinking about her. Every time her name came up it brought nothing but pain back to me. How fucking ironic, right? Someone that once eased the pain now brought it in a greater force.

I slowly walked down the stairs, hoping that Esme would have gone out to one of her parties or whatever it was that a high society woman does.

Once again, though, karma was a bitch. There she was, sitting on a chair by the kitchen, drinking her tea that cost more than the cup. It was most likely the shit that was imported from China.

"Edward, why don't we have a little talk? Sit, eat some breakfast," Esme said in a disgustingly sweet voice.

"Ummm, sure." I sat in the chair opposite hers. I was quite sure that I didn't have a choice whether or not to eat my breakfast, and the visible glint in her eyes confirmed it.

"Go on and eat up," she smiled. I looked down at my breakfast plate. I held in the sigh and grimace. Fried tofu and nine-grain bread with white scrambled eggs on top, lay in front of me.

"Eat," Esme commanded with a no-bullshit tone.

I stuffed down as much _food _as I could, trying to not taste the flavor. I wasn't even sure if there was a flavor.

"So, Edward, will you care to tell me where you were last night?" Esme raised her eyebrow.

Why the fuck was she so persistent? I'm a grown man am I not?

But before I could answer, Rosalie's voice echoed throughout the room. "Well, he is twenty, Esme; I think he's capable of deciding things for himself. I don't see why he needs to have permission to have to tell you where he went."

Esme's face instantly hardened. She turned to Rose and gave her a sarcastic smile and distain dripped from her eyes. Luckily Rose could be just as icy. Her sickly sweet look would have given anyone else the chills.

"Edward, let's go, can you drive me home? I didn't bring a second car, and I'm leaving that one for Jasper," Rose asked.

"Sure." I grabbed my bag quickly before sprinting out of the house.

I hurried out of the door, ran to my car and jumped into the driver side. Rose followed in a calmer manner and gracefully slipped into her seat. I shoved the gear into first and took off, leaving the house behind in seconds. I sighed in relief, apparently loud enough for Rose to hear, because she turned to me with raised eyebrows.

"Edward," Rose sighed and turned to me. "I have never seen you lose your cool towards Esme that quickly…" she said, shaking her head slightly, her eyebrows furrowing. "I mean, did something happen between you and Bella?"

Rosalie was always the one that cut straight to the point. Maybe that was why she was always the one to know what I was thinking.

"It's nothing that I want to talk about, Rose. Please just give me some time," I said quietly, my hands gripping the steering wheel harder.

"I'm always here, you know that right?" She patted my arm, rubbing slightly as her hand lingered.

"Yeah I know Rose…are you trying to feel me up?" I asked, smirking.

"Funny Edward, real funny." She rolled her eyes, slapping my arm this time.

Rose and I always joked around with each other. It was a comforting atmosphere and one that I definitely needed before going off to face another . . ._ challenge_.

I dropped Rose off at her condo before speeding my way back to Berkeley. As I parked in my usual spot, I saw Bella's grey Mazda 2 on my left with Bella leaning against the door. I knew she was waiting for me, and I was equal parts elated and pissed.

'Time to face the truth, Masen,' I reminded myself as I stepped out of the car. I walked past her without a second glance. Would I really stop and humiliate myself some more? I think not.

"Hey!" Bella called out.

'Just keep walking,' I reminded myself. 'Ignore her voice, and ignore _her.'_

How could I ignore her as I heard the loud footsteps become faster and faster with each stride. After a few seconds, Bella angrily slammed into my back.

"Cullen, what the hell? I called out your name like a million times." Bella's eyebrows furrowed as she looked at me in question.

"Sorry, I guess I was tuned out," I shrugged, pretending to not care.

"Right," Bella drawled. I knew that she wasn't convinced. With Bella, it was very hard to hide things; she was just too damn perceptive.

"So Bella, can we use my lyrics?" I said it loud and clear, implied as a question, though it really wasn't. Even though I loved her lyrics, if we decided to use hers, it would mean we would have to spend more time editing, _together, _and I couldn't bear that.

"Yeah, I was going to tell you that I think yours' were a better choice." She smiled easily, ignoring what I just _asked_ so rudely.

I had never once hated Bella smiling, but today was that exception. I hated how my heart fluttered in my chest when she smiled. I hated it how she made me want to hug her into me, to kiss her within an inch of internal combustion, to just be _with_ her.

"Good. I'll edit the whole piece and send it to you." I nodded and turned to walk away.

"Wait, Edward," Bella called. I reluctantly turned back around. "Aren't we going to do this together? It's a joint work," she asked as her smile turned into a frown.

"We're done, Bella, I don't need you," I said in a harsh voice. I wondered if she'd get the double meaning behind that statement.

"What?" she asked looking confused and taken aback.

"I'm going to be away for awhile, Bella."

"But we have to present the piece next Monday," she said as her face slipped into a blank mask.

"I'll be back by Friday," I snapped before walking off towards the building.

*-*-*-*-*-*

The whole week passed by without a hitch. It should have been good, but my sour mood made it seem bad. I had called the university to tell them I'd be away for the whole week. They never really asked me questions and this time was no exception.

I had the feeling that Carlisle had explained to them why I was away so often, and that pissed me off too.

On Friday, I went back to the university so that Bella and I could practice for the performance on Monday. We barely said a word to each other before I bolted out of the practice room and went home, ignoring her pleas for me to wait.

While at home, I barely talked to Alice, Emmett, Jasper, or Rose. It wasn't to say that they didn't try and start a conversation with me, but when I gave them monotonous answers, it only created an awkward tension that made them shut the hell up.

At night I laid awake in bed before exhaustion consumed my body, lulling me into a deep, unmerciful slumber.

Before I fell into the dreaded slumber, before my eyes closed into the blackness, a thought consumed my mind. I realized that my days and nights were the same: sunless, moonless. I was lost and there was no light bringing me home. Would I ever be able to stop loving Bella? Was that even remotely possible?

I closed my eyes, thanking the lord that it was the weekend, and I wouldn't have to face my heartache until Monday.

I fought off the fresh wave of pain, allowing myself to hope for just a moment. I hoped for it to stop hurting, before my time ended. I prayed that the hole in my heart would heal, and I wouldn't die with it still broken.

* * *

**AN: Love it, hate it? Review please? Let's try for 15 this time! :) Oh, so I already have some part of the next chapter written up, people who review will get a teaser, so please review! Wish me luck for my exam on next Saturday, I will need it! Next chapter coming soon! (go Juliamine!!)**

**Thanks to Juliamine, Madcowre, Katherinef7, LexyW, Mallory83, Babakisses, Rote-Kirsche, CJ1325 for reviewing! I love you all… very much so!**

**Thanks to those who have put this fic on their favorite and alert lists! :)**


	10. Chapter 9: What the hell just happened?

**AN: Apologies for the lateness readers. I've been pretty busy with an exam which I sat on Saturday, so the updating speed should be back to normal. So this is the CHAPTER, where I have to change the rating to M. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, and don't forget to give me a feedback!! **

**A big thanks to Juliamine which wrote the smutty scene, you're fucking amazing bb! ILY!! :) I couldn't have done this without you!! SERIOUSLY!**

**Thanks to Flyaway Dove for betaing, to Mcc101180 for editing/betaing in such a quick circumstance.**

**Thanks to Xx Bri xX for her editing skill.**

**ILY all! =)**

**Thanks to all the twitter girls for keeping me sane! :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I do own this plot.**

**Chapter 9: What the fuck just happened in here?**

**EPOV**

The knocking sounds woke me from my nap. I jumped out of bed and stomped my way to the door. I swiftly opened it to see that Jasper was indeed standing there, looking pretty peeved off.

"What's up Jasper?" I tried my best to act cheerful.

"Don't 'what's up' me," Jasper said, making air quotes around my earlier question.

Before I could speak up, he continued, "What the fuck did you do to Bella? I left her with you for one fucking evening and now she's locking herself in her condo, Edward. She doesn't return any of our calls. How did she end up like that?" He shouted and shoved my chest.

I know what's coming for me. And it is nothing that anyone would want to sit around for, and to be honest, I didn't want it either. I didn't want her to watch me loose all my weight; becoming skin and bone. I didn't want her to watch as the life left my eyes before my life left my body. I didn't want that; not for me and definitely not for her.

Even though she means a hell of a lot to me, more so then I ever thought possible. She meant everything to me. Yet to her, I meant nothing. Am nothing, and obviously, nothing isn't worth sticking around for. I try to look normal, to feel normal and to just be normal. To not look how I feel on the inside. But sometimes, it's like I can't even explain it properly.

It's just too hard. To do that with Bella, to make her watch me waste away... it was incomprehensible.

Bella is so caring. And I mean caring in a way I had never experienced. She always asks me if I feel okay. But not as to check up on me, to make sure I'm not 'straining myself', just to ask. Maybe it was to show me that she was there. And even if it wasn't in the way I had once hoped…it still meant a hell of a lot. It wasn't only that though.

Bella made me feel different. She treated me and talked to me like a person, a human being with a brain and a heart; like a real person should be spoken to. Not some breakable, fragile piece of glass.

Jasper sighed in annoyance and slumped his shoulders slightly before squaring them once more. "Whatever, I don't want to listen to your bullshit anyway."Jasper brushed past me and yanked the door back open. He spun around to me and shook his head, "Just fix it Edward. And I want you to fix it Edward, this is on you."

I stood stock still; dumbfounded at the anger he radiated. "I want my cousin back damnit! And Edward, I swear it, if I don't see her smile by tomorrow…" Jasper trailed off as he pointed his finger at me.

I knew what he wouldn't say though. The words were practically spat in my face, and they were, 'or you're dead'. The unsaid words said a lot more than them being said out loud ever could have had. Jasper glared at me and swiftly walked out of the door, the door shut with a soft click. And it was eerie; I would have preferred a slam. But the soft close spoke in measures, and those measures meant that he was serious.

I had never seen him so angry. Trust me, Jasper was never mad. In all the time I had known him; I haven't ever heard him raise his voice; so to think that it was me that finally made him snap. Or a combination of both Bella and I...it really was quite unsettling and frightening.

I slumped onto the closet thing I could find. I knew that it was time to come clean. Not even Alice would talk to me these days. And that both irritated me and made me sadder than I thought it would.

I don't get them, women that is. I don't even know what I did wrong.

I abruptly snapped out of my thoughts and sprang up to my feet. After grabbing my wallet and Blackberry, I walked down to the garage and got into my Mercedes. Funnily enough, I felt as if I'll need the Mercedes' protection facing Bella today. Or maybe it was just survival instincts kicking in.

It took around half an hour to get to Bella's condo. And then another ten minutes to find a parking space. Actually, it would have taken me less of a time normally. But I was so nervous I think I was procrastinating and hoping to find reasons to get out of this situation.

There was no more time to dawdle now. Not when I had already made it to the complex. I vaguely remembered that Bella lives on the 11th floor; and I was extremely glad that I didn't have to ride the elevator and knock from door to door.

The worst thing about the ride up was the wait. I swear it was the slowest elevator in the world. Or perhaps it was because my nerves were starting to get the best of me; either way though, my heart thrummed in my chest at a pace so rapid I thought I may go into Cardiac Arrest.

To make matters worse, you know the annoying things people do when they are agitated or nervous. Things like the incessant foot tapping or the pacing; the mumbling and other general crazy behavior symptoms? Yeah, well at the moment, I was like their poster child. In my defense though, I didn't know what else I could do to calm myself down. And not knowing what else to do seemed to make me even more nervous and on edge.

When the elevator came to a stop on the eleventh floor, I heard the faint sounds of Clair De Lune playing from apartment 2B.

Solidifying myself, I quickly strode towards the door, and took one last deep breath of reassurance before knocking on the door quietly. The nerves hadn't dissipated at all. In fact I think they were growing more incessant. I took each precious second to compose myself before the footsteps became louder and louder. The door finally creaked open slowly and after a second, Bella came into my view.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

Bella looked at me in what I presume as shock. I wondered why she didn't look through the peep hole though. Because her door has one, where was her sense of self preservation?

"_Be a man, Edward." _I instructed myself.

"I owe you an apology." I ran a hand through my hair nervously and shuffled uncomfortably on my feet. Bella chuckled darkly, a sinister sound on her beautiful lips.

"So are you here to apologize… or to explain why you have been ignoring me all week?" She asked cocking her head to the side; a seemingly inadvertent motion. Her brown eyes looked sad and confused as she waited for me to answer.

"Both… I was kind of hoping that it's a start. Can I come in?" I asked smiled nervously.

I knew that there was nothing I could do to fix what I had already done. Obviously, what is done; is done. Just like what has happened, meaning the illness; cannot be fixed.

Bella opened the door wider and gestured me to come in. "Just make yourself comfortable, I'll get you a cup of tea." I nodded and sat down on the couch as Bella walked off into the kitchen.

Bella's condo was decorated in black and white, but there was enough sunlight in the room to make it nice and homey. I spotted the living room and went to sit on the grey couch. I looked around, trying to process as much information as possible

To be honest though, I'm still confused as to why she let me in. Had it been me, I would have probably slammed the door closed right when I saw that it was her. Yeah, I'm great like that.

After a few moments, Bella came into the room with two cups of tea and a plate of almond thin biscuits. Bella offered me the cup of tea without a word. We merely sat there. Simply staring at each other; the intensity of our glances was so strong that my mind was completely blank. I thought that nothing could have distracted me. That was until Bella dropped her gaze from mine. Everything was even quieter for a moment. The only thing I could hear was our breaths being taken.

With a slight shake of my head, I stupidly realized that she was waiting for me to say something. Most likely wondering why the hell I was here; sitting in her condo, staring wordlessly at her. I shifted on the seat, trying to make myself more comfortable.

"The night when I told you about the illness… you said 'you can't'. And, I thought that you meant you can't be… my friend."

Bella looked shocked as anger flashed across her face. Bella stared at me for a long moment, most likely trying to collect her thoughts.

"Edward, I never said 'I can't'."

"But you did," I argued back as my eyebrows knitted together. I didn't understand why she would even lie about saying what she did. I remember her saying it, those exact words. I know I'm right, this time, I knew for sure that those were the words she had spoken.

"Maybe," she said shrugging very lightly. She paused for a moment and looked back into my eyes. "But it was meant as, 'I can't imagine how hard it must be for you'." Bella took a breath and looked at me with softer eyes than I deserved. "My life wasn't served on a silver plate either you know." Bella said as she raised her eyebrow. She took a deep breath before she increased the volume of her voice. "And you didn't even allow me to explain. I was going to explain it to you Edward; the day in the parking lot? But you wouldn't listen; you simply ignored me calling out your name."

To say I felt like an ass would be a complete understatement. I couldn't comprehend a sentence, let alone the individual words she had spoken. So before I could make a greater fool out of myself; I said the only thing I knew.

"I'm sorry. I truly am, Bella. I thought you didn't want me. I don't know when exactly I will die. I can't protect you… I can't say that it won't be hard, that you won't get sick of me. I can't. . ."

Bella placed her hands on my mouth and shushed me forcefully. Shit, I was most definitely rambling! Tears trickled over her eyes as she kept her hands on my lips. I felt like a prick, and idiotic prick that has made her cry. It was me that had doubted her.

Stupid Cullen, I scolded myself. You're such an asshole. What you did to her was unforgivable and she wouldn't be able to forgive you. And that is exactly what you deserve.

"Edward, you're capable of doing so many things. Who said you couldn't protect me? Besides that, I don't need your protection! I'm a grown woman for god's sake." Bella yelled at me. Her eyes then became serious as she looked me squarely in the eyes.

"Edward, I can't lose you as a friend. You're important."

I nodded and let a hopeful smile take over my face. "So… you'll forgive me?" I asked looking her in the eyes in return.

The intensity was building up, and I felt as if I had to look away before I do something I might regret, well, she might regret.

"Well…yeah." Bella whispered cracking a smile.

"Why am I important Bella? What makes me different from Jasper, Emmett or Alice?"

I decided to be bold and not hold back. It's now or never, right?

The redness of her blush started to makes its' appearance on her cheeks. I sigh with contentment upon seeing it. Her blush, even though beautiful, was distracting and made it even harder to stay away. Though I know I'm not good for her, and therefore, had to stay away.

Bella started to laugh, and then said, "I guess I can't seem to explain it, so I guess I'll show you huh?" Bella smiled wickedly at me. My forehead creased together in confusion. I had no idea what she meant, or why the particular smile graced her face.

My forehead creased together. I had no idea what she meant.

Bella closed the gap between us and pushed her lips against mine.

I was utterly shocked; I was standing there, still as a stone, with the angel of my dreams' lips placed on mine. Not in a million year would I expect her to make the first move, and I loved it.

The feel of her soft tongue against my lips brought me out of my shock. Without another thought I opened my mouth to her. Her soft tongue softly played against mine while her hand snaked around my neck and her fingers threaded through my hair. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her firmly against my body, feeling utterly pleased with myself when she let out a soft moan as my growing erection pressed against her stomach.

I frowned and grunted in disapproval when she pulled her lips from mine, only to be replaced by a knowing smirk when she breathed, "Let's go to my room."

Lacing her fingers in mine, she gave me a shy smile as she led me towards the hallway and into her bedroom. I wanted to look around her room, take in the hues of black and gray in her decor, but my eyes were trained on her supple neck. My eyes lingered on the milky white skin; I wondered how sweet her skin must taste.

Bella stopped at her bed and slowly turned around to gaze in my eyes. The lust in her eyes was mirrored in my own when she exhaled a long shaky breath and pulled me flush against her.

"I want you," Bella said softly, tilting her head slightly as she waited for my reaction. I raked my fingertips down her flat stomach and gently took hold of her shirt, pulling it over her head. When the fabric cleared her head a sweet smile graced her lips. She was looking at me through hooded eyes, showing me the tiger behind the kitten. My god she was sexy, and I wanted her right now.

I rid myself of my own shirt and pressed myself against her again. Feeling her breasts through her bra on my chest just wasn't enough. I lowered my lips to her collarbone and rained open-mouthed kisses mixed with laps of my tongue along her skin. I'd been right: she tasted heavenly.

Pleased with her reaction in the form of quick gasps and moans, I busied my hands by reaching around her back; I quickly flicked the clasp on her bra and removed it with haste. My lips reclaimed hers while my hands gathered a breast in each one, eagerly holding the weight of each and caressing each nipple into a tight mound.

I wanted to worship her body, claim her as my own, mark her until the outside world had no question as to who she belonged to. My fingers left her breasts and traced down her abdomen, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. I grasped the waist of her jeans. Making quick work of her button and zipper, I pushed her pants and panties down her thighs. I allowed her to step out of them before urging her to lie on the bed. I watched the blush spread to her chest from the excitement of the moment and internally felt smug, knowing her red swollen lips were a result of our kissing.

Her hair was sprawled across her pillow as she eyed me, waiting for my next move. Wanting nothing between us but our passion, I relieved myself of my pants, allowing my erection to spring free. I smirked as her eyes grew large at the sight of my large, thick manhood. I crawled on the bed like a predator teasing his prey, watching her breasts rise with each gasp of arousal. Her nipples were pink, but nothing compared to the secrets I found between her legs. She glistened with arousal, wet to the point of dripping in her need for me. Thought I didn't think it was possible, my cock grew achingly harder at the sight of her open for me. I made my way up her bed, my destination was her lips. I couldn't help myself, I had to make a small pit stop at her center, lapping up her juices and sucking on her swollen clit. Her body writhed around me; she was so close to cumming. But I wanted to be inside her when I made her come for the first time. I wanted to be selfish and feel her insides quiver around my cock.

She drew in a gasping breath when I released her sensitive flesh and crawled up her body to connect our mouths. The head of my cock pressed against her entrance, begging to be let in. That's when I had to stop: dammit. I forgot the condom.

"Don't stop," she breathed as I moved from her body toward my pants. "Please, I need you to take me."

"I just need a condom," I said against her mouth and took her bottom lip in between my teeth to nibble on it. "I couldn't leave you right now even if I wanted to."

"Let me," she said with a smile and reached to her nightstand drawer. My eyes must have flickered with question when her hand exited the drawer with a condom in clutch. "I don't sleep around, Edward. I just have them in case—"

"Don't even finish that statement," I said in a husky voice. "I think IT'S sexy for a woman to be prepared to protect herself." I rolled to my side; my cock was at full attention for this sexual prowess before me. "Care to do the honors?"

She smiled in excitement as she took the wrapper in her mouth and ripped the package open. A stifled moan escaped my throat as her delicate but firm hands slowly rolled the latex onto my cock. Not wanting to waste a moment with my lover, once fully sheathed I found my home between her legs and kissed her lips as I slid myself inside her tight warmth. We let out matching moans of pleasure while I continued to press into her, only stopping when we were pelvis to pelvis. Fully inside, her walls grasped my shaft like vices she was so tight.

Slowly, I began to pump my hips, pulling my cock out to the tip then pushing back inside. I kept my mouth to hers, the kissing becoming sloppy and desperate as we centered our energy on where we were one. Connected in the most primal of ways, I felt myself build towards my climax. But it was too soon, I didn't want this to end. Her pussy was so tight and felt perfectly matched to my erection. I rolled us over and helped her move her thighs to straddle my hips. I licked my lips as I watched her reach below her and guide my cock back inside her, her swollen pussy eagerly eating up every pulsing inch of my length.

I was amazed with her grace as she began rocking her hips while she rode me. Her pace was slow at first, but in minutes she began to grind her core against me, keeping my cock buried deep in her.

"Oh god," she groaned, throwing her head back. "Fuck, you feel so good!" she said breathlessly. Her face showed nothing but the pleasure I was giving her.

The feel of her gorging on my hard length was becoming too hard for me to hold back my own orgasm. "Bella, baby, I'm going to come soon." I gasped as my fingers grasped the flesh of her thighs, silently begging her to cum with me.

That's when it happened. Her pussy quivered around my cock and she stifled a scream by leaning forward and desperately attacked my mouth with her own. The feel of her orgasm, her walls flexing against my dick, the quickening of her movements above me, caused me to experience the most intense pleasure of my life. I gasped in a breath against her mouth and urgently placed my hands on her waist and pressed her harder on me, driving me to depths I had yet to reach inside her.

Both satiated, and breathing like we had run a 10k marathon, Bella collapsed on my chest. Lovingly, I caressed her back and held her close to me, dropping kisses to any part of her I could reach. Not ready for our connection to be broken, but wanting to hold her after our intense love making, I pulled out of her and snuggled her next to me.

Kissing my chest, she giggled as her eyes found mine. "Let me take care of that," she said softly and reached down to remove the condom. She tied it closed, and dropped it on the floor. "I'll take care of it later; I don't want to leave your side yet."

"I don't want you to leave my side either," I replied with sincerity. She reached down and pulled the long forgotten covers over our still-recovering bodies. She wrapped her arm around me and nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck. I was exhausted, but reveled in her closeness. I couldn't be sure if the tiredness was from the sex or from something else. Something else that I was happy to ignore for the moment. Warm and content next to the naked body of my lover, I fell into a deep sleep with a small smile on my face, something that hasn't happened, in a long time.

**AN: So, like it, love it? Please review. I'm happy to report that I've received more than 15 reviews!! So thank you all, who have reviewed!!! Try for 20 this time? :) Can you believe that we're reached over 100 reviews?? I can't!**

**Thanks to Rote-Kirsche, Madcowre, Ayame2004, ***, Mallory83, Twilightcrazd, Chels926, Bliitz, LexyW, Juliamine, SassyMcDreamy, Gaby47, Anonymous, UnaRJ, KBacon, Ideblade, Angel-Miyu, TwiMomof2Monkeys, Wafflies, lo-Emilia-ve, 5ctBauble, Anonymous (No.2) and Mcc101180 for reviewing.**

**And all those people who have put my fic on alerts and favorites, thank you. I am honored that so many of you are interested in it! :) **

**Here's the rec'c I haven't been doing for a while,**

_**She Speaks of Fear and Truth by Ericastwilight = **_**a well written story, sooo unique in its' plot. Bella can see the ghosts, while Edward has a dark past concerning his daughter, Hayley. Check it out ladies, and you won't be disappointed! **

**I apologize for the lateness once again.**


	11. Chapter 10: Why the heck does

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I am now a proud owner of Vanity Fair UK, the Robert Pattinson issue!**

**A big thank you to Xx Bri xX my editor, Mcc****101180 the amazing/genius beta and Flyaway Dove, the great beta! :)**

**A big shout out to Becky for making up the twilighted forum thread for me! I will post teasers and so on over there! http: //www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=7697**

**Also, if I have offended anyone on the last chapter, I dearly apologize. I did warn that the chapter was M rated, and if you are underage or doesn't like lemon, you can skip it and will still be able to understand the story! I hope you will continue to read this story even though you didn't like the last chapter.**

**THIS CHAPTER IS NO M RATED! NO LEMON (sorry ladies)**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Why the heck does this happens to me?**

**EPOV**

It was like a dream. The whole thing—making love with Bella, being so connected. It was like a permanent high.

As I lay in bed, I could not help but think I was in heaven. Bella lay in a deep slumber in the crook of my arm.

I had known that after such activity it was completely normal to be exhausted. However, with Tanya, it was different. It wasn't making love, it was just sex. Mindless and meaningless sex that had always been about her getting the pleasure she wanted. Wasn't it not normally the guy who does that—the deplorable act of the wham-bam-thank you-ma'am?

I tasted blood in my mouth after a few minutes of contemplating in silence. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door quietly; the small click of the door closing into its frame echoed faintly around the bathroom. I walked over to the mirror and saw that my nose was bleeding. Bleeding, like other things, was normal; or at least as normal as anything could be in this fucked up situation.

I knew that this nose bleed was a direct result of sex. I cursed as I grabbed some toilet paper to stop the blood. I continued to curse in silence as I dabbed the surface of my nose and mouth.

_Fuck, this cannot be happening to me._

Of course this had to happen now, of all times. Leukemia can be erratic and it is different in every case. A nose bleed is one of the more common symptoms for Leukemia sufferers. Sometimes a nose bleed will stop by itself. But other times hospital visits were a must. At times when these bleeds presented themselves they seemed to last for hours upon hours.

Yet, despite the fact that these nose bleeds had come only a few times in the past few months, it had to happen as I stood in front of the mirror, butt naked, in my _girl's _bathroom no less.

As I slumped against the side of the vanity, silently screaming at the fucking wonderful timing at which this particular side effect had come, I couldn't help but be bitter.

I have never believed in God. If God existed, he would hear my prayers, would he not? He would save me.

I didn't know if God existed, but I just don't believe. I have stop believe since…. I was diagnosed with this disease. But what I do know is this—this disease I have kills. It is long and drawn out. It takes the life, the hopes, the dreams, the meaning of life, out of the sufferer before the disease itself take the life. This disease… it robs people. It robbed me too; it had taken the chance of being able to complete the things in life I had always wanted accomplish, to do. I had dreamed of being a famous composer, a pianist. Yet those dreams are a part of a past that is long forgotten and impossible.

I just wanted to be normal, even if only for a little while. Try as I may, I knew that it was the bitterness that forbade me from seeing the point in believing in God. I could not avoid my fate; there was no point in praying to a God who may or may not exist to change my life. I have been given a sentence, a death sentence.

I looked into the mirror on the back of the door and saw a huge bruise on my back. It had been where Bella dug her nails into my skin; yet another beautiful factor of cancer to be thankful for. It would have never happened to a _normal_ person. But then again, I wasn't normal; nothing about my situation was.

"Baby, are you alright?" I jumped in surprise as I heard Bella's voice ask the question quietly.

Bella came into the bathroom and slid down beside me. She was clad in only her sexy lingerie with her hair twisted in a messy bun. Though her face seemed to be in a sleepy state, she was glowing; she looked stunning.

"Edward, you're bleeding…" Bella gasped as she saw the blood trickle down from my nose and the wad of bloodied toilet paper in my hands. Her eyes went wide with fear as she looked from the toilet paper then back to me. She swallowed nervously and grimaced a little. "That's a lot of blood."

"Nah, I'm good. It will stop eventually." I smiled the best crooked smile I could muster, trying to alleviate the darkened atmosphere.

"You're a shit liar," Bella muttered as she rolled her eyes. She grabbed me by the shoulder and looked straight into my eyes. "How long have you been sitting here?"

"Since, I don't know, about three…"

Bella gaped at me in shock as her eyes widened again. "So you've been bleeding for forty-five minutes?"

I hadn't thought that nearly an hour had passed. But apparently time had gone on, even though I longed to stay forever in the now.

"We're going to the hospital," Bella said suddenly and shot up to her feet. She held her arms out to me and swiftly pulled me off the ground. But, like I feared, things started to spin manically. Bella included. As I muttered low obscenities and tried to reach out for the vanity's countertop to stabilize myself, a smooth soft hand caught me and set me straight. It was warm and welcoming and fuck it if I didn't feel like home.

"We better get going," Bella said quietly as she supported half my weight.

"We should take my car." Bella nodded and walked the both of us into the room. She ran to the bedside table and grabbed my pants off the lamp. How they got there was a mystery to me.

There was nothing more embarrassing than needing Bella to help dress me. Sure I was ill, but I couldn't help but feeling less of a man for needing help with things that others did not. Once I was dressed, and feeling like a three-year-old, Bella slipped into the first thing she found in her closet.

I knew this wasn't the time to ogle; the pounding in my head reminded me of that. But damn if I wasn't the luckiest guy to walk the earth, because there was no doubt that she was hot and totally fucking doable and she was mine.

I know it sounded vain and part of me felt bad about that. What attracted me wasn't only her exterior, even though she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. It was also that she understood that sick people, me for instant, doesn't like people to feel pathetic or sorry for them. They're not really sorry, they're glad that it was me who has the disease, not them. I hate when people put on the fake smiles, saying 'it's going to be alright'. How the fuck is it going to be alright if I'm dying, if I'm suffering through this pain, both mentally and physically? With Bella, she doesn't feel look at me like I have an 'I have cancer' tag on my neck. She looks at me like an equal, a friend, a human being and most of all, a lover.

When I talked to Bella, words couldn't describe the feeling. It was almost like coming home after a bad day, finally finding solace despite the madness of the world. It helped greatly, of course, that we had similar interests, such as music and reading classics, and our mutual hate of hip-hop only bonded us further.

"Edward, let's go!" Bella said quickly, snapping me out of my daze. After getting into the Mercedes, with Bella's help of course, I fell into a deep slumber as the sounds of the car starting and speeding down the drive echoed in my head.

I awoke to Bella trying to pull me out of the car. After countless blood tests and a stern lecture from a doctor that I was not to overdo myself, I was cleared and more than ready to go home. The nose bleed was nothing but a strong wake up call. It was just another sign that I'm going to die; and soon at that.

I tried to convince Bella that we had to get to class, fully aware that the likelihood of Jasper killing me before the cancer did was at an all time high. It was seven a.m., and Bella put me to bed like a seven year old and told me to 'stay'. I did so, grudgingly, because I was a pussy whipped fool and would do anything for her.

-------

I woke sometime later in the day. I was feeling a tad better than I had in the early hours of the morning. I looked over to the bedside table and saw a single note sitting on it.

_E__**dward,**_

_**Going into the university to get the work we've missed and then stopping to get some groceries. Stay where you are and rest! **_

_**Love Bella xx**_

My heart swelled on the word 'love'. I had no idea that a simple word could make me feel a thousand things at once.

Looking at my Blackberry, I had 28 missed calls, all from Alice. No shock there. But there was no way in hell I would call her now. Certainly not alone, I would wait for Bella to come back and call her. She could save the pixie if I had the desire to kill her, which I probably would.

I decided to just lie in bed for a while. I lay in silence, trying to process what had happened in the last 24 hours.

The sound of the security alarm going off followed by footsteps sidetracked me as I waited patiently for Bella. After a few minutes, Bella's head popped in the doorway. The shyness had reappeared slightly on her face.

"Hey, sorry… I thought I could do something useful while you caught up on your beauty sleep," she joked, sending a wink my way.

"So are you going to come over here?" I asked, patting the spot on the bed beside where I lay. Somehow, my invitation seemed to excite her greatly as she quickly jumped onto the bed.

"Wow. You're pretty energetic, my darling," I said kissing her temple and slinging my arm around her waist.

"So… I have something I want to tell you," Bella mumbled bowing her head. I wasn't sure if it was from the embarrassment or something else. My curiosity was peaked regardless.

"I'm all ears."

"You know how I never tell anyone why I moved from New Zealand to the States? Well, I want to tell you." Bella took a deep breath before looking me in the eyes.

"You don't have to, Bella."

Yes I had wanted to know, but I would hate for her to think that she had to share her past with me simply because I did so with her.

"But I want to, Edward," Bella said sincerely as she placed her hand on top of mine. She then began to tell me about her life before she moved here.

"I lived in Wellington since I was eight, in a condo. My mother, Renee, was a free spirit artist. But she's not famous or anything. My father, Charlie, he was a cop. We had a pretty perfect life," Bella said slightly wistfully and shook her head a moment later.

"I lived in Phoenix for about four years before moving to New Zealand. I had seen your performance; you looked so happy, so peaceful. I wanted that. But Charlie and Renee were very career focused people and they would work day and night- keeping the business they inherited from my grandmother, Marie, afloat and in perfect working condition. Of course they would try and spend time with me on the weekends. But normally it was just the nanny and I."

I nodded and moved my hand to resume the pattern of rubbing circles along her skin.

"My parents decided to branch out their business to a new country, and that was why we had to move. But not too soon after, cracks were starting to show. The business wasn't doing well, and my parents were fighting more often. After a year of things being thrown around the house, Charlie decided to leave and Renee then decided that she no longer wanted to work. I don't know where the hell she went to; all I know is that they left me there all alone. They didn't care that I was their daughter. Yes the trust funds were left for me, but I never heard from them again and it made me realize that they didn't want me from the very start."

I nodded once again, letting Bella resume talking without interruption. "Jasper's parents found out about me a year later and they tried to persuade me to move back to the States and live with them. I refused because I honestly thought that Renee was going to come back. After years passed, I finally hired a private investigator to look for them. But nothing came up. So here I am."

Not a single tear fell from the ones pooling in her eyes. Bella tired to smile, but a smile didn't form. It was, in that moment, painfully obvious. We both had pasts; pasts that hurt to think of and relive. We held onto each other and I kissed her softly on both sides of her temples as we drifted into a surpassingly comfortable sleep.

_The past didn't matter in that moment. No, what mattered was the present, the here and now, and I thoroughly planned to enjoy it. _

* * *

**AN: So that's the chapter. I hope you liked it. Please review... We didn't make it to 20 last time.. so 20 reviews this time please? Thanks**

**Big thanks to 5ctBauble, Mcc****101180****, Anonymous, Roses4Cullen, Juliamine, Ideblade, Mad4hugh, Madcowre, ZooeyD, Katherinef7, Angel-Miya, Gaby47, Kbacon, UnaRJ, Tinaababy, LexyW, Anonymous (no.2), TwiMomof2Monkeys, Mallory83, Alala, Xx Bri xX and Karalian70.**

**Thanks to those who has put this fic on alerts and favorites! **

**Rec'c of the week goes to: **

**Chance Encounter by TwiMomof2Monkeys = A musico Bella with an Actorward. How will their relationship progress as more pressure is put into it?? It's a great fic and I know you'll enjoy it! So go check it out.**

**More to come!**


	12. Chapter 11: Real Life, Is A Bitch

**Here's the newest chapter.  
Happy Holidays everyone.**

**Please read and review.**

**Thanks to ****Mcc101180 for doing a great job betaing this piece. I suck at grammar, and she actually made it readable! :)**

**Thanks to Xx Bri xX for making this even better! ILY! **

**Another thanks to Becky for setting up a Twilighted Forum ****thread. So go check it out! http : //www. Twilighted . net/ forum/ ?f=44&t=7697 Plus, she's the one keeping me sane lol! :P ILY BB! :)**

**Enjoy! XD**

**NOTE: This chapter has been altered on the 24/11/09 so if you read it before that, there are changes and I would advise you to re-read. It's better than before, I promise! :)**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Real Life, is a bitch**

**EPOV**

I woke to the sound of the alarm. This time, however, it wasn't so bad, after all, a moment like the one I was having was to perfect to not take in fully, and it certainly was not something that would be ruined by getting up. I turned the annoying, blaring alarm off and tucked Bella further into my body, sighing contently and falling back to sleep. Unfortunately though, the real world, outside my sleeping state, waited for me to wake, not very patiently I may add.

"Edward?" asked Bella, nudging me. "Wake up," she said, ripping the duvet off me and away from my now freezing body. I lay in bed, shuddering from the cold chill wracking my bones and making my choice of attire, a seriously wrong move. I was not ready to get up, I was not ready to open my eyes and I certainly was not ready to go home and face Esme, but most importantly, though Bella and I had worked relentlessly on it, I did not want to turn our composition in. I had wanted to re-do the entire piece, especially since Bella and I had, um, worked through our...issues. However, when I mentioned this to Bella, she strongly objected by saying that every time she listened to it, it made her think of me. Personally, I thought her song was much better. The lyrics fit better, the meaning deeper and filled with more, well, I wasn't sure, but I truly believed her pieced was the greater of the two. Bella, however, stood strong. So I conceded, willing to submit to her wish, because to be honest, I was willing to do whatever made her happy.

Time was limited, even if I weren't dying prematurely, I knew that death was imminent for everyone, and I wanted to bring all the joy, laughter and love to her before I was unable to do so. It wouldn't be long, I knew it for certain, and it seemed, with every passing day, I grew to accept it just a tiny bit more, it was of course, out of my hands, and I wanted to treasure all the good memories I had, and the memories Bella and I had, and continue to make until there is no time left. It had only been, as of the past few months that I felt undeniably free, making me feel like I could do anything. It was easy, and I didn't have to hide what I really felt, what I really thought and not once did anything Bella did, feel patronizing. It was simply, in a complicate manner. I was free, and though unhappy with my life, or more specifically, where it was taking me, but I couldn't deny it regardless, free was free, and freedom feels pretty damn good.

This morning, however, freedom to sleep was not mine. Bella nudged me again, huffing lightly.

"Edward," said Bella, her voice a warning. "If you don't get up in five seconds, I'm going to be taking a shower...alone." There was no chance, not in a million years would I ever miss the opportunity to shower with Bella, screw freedom to sleep, option two was much better. With this keenly in my mind, I popped my eyes open and bolted up out of bed, nearly knocking into Bella. She raised her eyebrow as she slapped my chest.

"You're such a horny asshole," said Bella, laughing as she shook her head at me.

"At least I'm your horny asshole, babe," I said, smirking at her.

"Who said I'm yours?" asked Bella, looking at me while cocking her head to the side. "You never asked," she said simply, shrugging her shoulders.

I hadn't realized that in the entire time I had been at Bella's, which was the past two days, I never once asked her, officially, to be exclusive. Ready to rectify that mistake, I gently took her hand in my and kissed all of her fingers, asking her the question, I should have asked days ago. "Bella, love, will you please doing me the honor of being my girlfriend?"

I had imagined many answers, many reactions, but none could have prepared me for what Bella did. She laughed at me, not with me, not a something I did. No, she laughed _at_ me. I stood there, watching Bella laughing, with tears streaming down her face, while I looked on in bewilderment. I had no idea what she found so funny. Did I fucking drool when I asked?

Bella continued to laugh at me, stopping briefly as she looked back up, only to laugh harder as she did so. I thought carefully, wondering what had been so funny, or better yet, why she found me funny when I was being serious. I grabbed her by the waist quickly, cutting off her laughter as she squealed, yelling at me to put her down.

"No," I said, my voice a growl. "Tell me why you were laughing."

Bella laughed again, her stomach moving on my shoulder as she cackled. "Because, Edward," she said, her voice shaking with laughter. "You were so serious!" she continued, and laughed out as I flushed in embarrassment. Thank God she couldn't see me.

"So," I said, clearing my throat and trying to calm the flush that had taken over my face. "That's a yes, right?"

"Yes," said Bella, her laughter finally dying out. "Now we really have to go, Edward," she said in a stern voice and walked out the door. The whipped version of me followed her out the door. I barely resisted giving him a treat as I followed a step behind, cursing at how whipped I was. This sucked.

Bella, like we had silently agreed upon, shared her shower with me, and by the time we were finished and ready to head off, it was ten am. We walked out of the door, Bella hoping into the passenger seat and me, of course, in the driver's seat. The drive was stressful, or maybe it was Bella's stress, stressing me out. Her nervous habits started to rise as she picked at her nails and played with the hem of her skirt. I thanked whoever was listening that she didn't smoke. I was sure that if she did, she would have gone through an entire pack by the time we got there. Once home, and almost happy to be pulling into the front drive, I parked the car and hopped out. With each step I took, however, the nervous feeling grew. It was stupid, but that feeling of the shit about to hit the fan would not leave my body, but how fucking right I was, I would have never known.

I walked around to Bella as soon as she was clear of the car and grabbed her hand, lacing ours together. Once again, it seemed stupid, that I thought that being presented as a united front would have helped. Like I said though, it was stupid. Right before I opened the front door, I swiftly gave her a kiss on the lips, squeezing her hand tightly and vowing to myself to never let go.

I opened the door and lead Bella in, wanting to run into my room because I knew it was safe, but I knew that running away from my problems would be hurting, not helping, and I wanted them fixed before it was too late. Thanking my lucky stars, I had noticed that the foyer was empty, meaning I had more time to prepare myself for Esme, or more specifically, what had happened between Esme and I the last time I was here.

"Who's there?" asked Esme, her voice echoing from the kitchen as she moved throughout the house.

"Umm," I said, clearing my throat. "It's me, Edward."

Okay, so I was nervous, but could you really blame me? I had never brought a girl home, well Tanya I did, but I don't classify her as a girl anymore. Tanya is more like a thing, an annoying pain in the ass thing. However, not even that meeting had gone well. Esme had slapped her across the face and called her a whore. Like everything about Esme, her attitude towards Tanya had changed dramatically over a few short months, and it seemed that, suddenly, Tanya was more than welcome and any other woman I brought home would be just another thing for Esme to think she controls. Thus, making her think she can treat that person however she wants, usually being mean or offending, sometimes, both.

"Edward," said Esme, walking into the foyer with a beaming, motherly smile on her face, but it had disappeared as soon as she saw Bella next to me. "And you are?" asked Esme, her voice rude as she looked at Bella like she was gum on her shoe.

"This is my Bella," I said, already knowing what she had planned to do, it should have been fairly similar to the way she acted with Tanya. Esme forced a smile, her eyes narrowing in anger as she looked from Bella to I.

"_Your_ Bella?" she asked me, her voice snide and vindictive.

"Yes," I answered calmly. "Bella is my girlfriend, I just came to get some stuff I need for class." I started turning to walk up the stairs when Esme's cold voice made my steps falter. I hated it when she treated me like a child, and while I knew that this was getting weirder and more annoying by the second, I made no move to leave.

"So, you're not going to explain where you had been lately?" asked Esme, her eyes warning me. I didn't heed the warning though. I'm an adult, and as such, allowed to make my own choices, and I most definitely didn't need to explain to Esme of all people, where I was as of late.

"That's not really any of your business is it?" I asked her, my own eyes narrowing as she glared at me. "I'm an adult, and where I chose to be and what I choose to do is exactly that, my own choice. I do not need, nor do I want, your permission or approval."

Esme scoffed and turned her hateful expression to Bella before snapping her head back to me. "You have been with this one," she said, pointing her finger at Bella. "Have you?" she asked, her face showing her disgust for Bella's presence.

"Her name is Bella," I snapped back, my anger flaring. Maybe she didn't like Bella and didn't have to, but for all that is Holy, could the woman not show everyone some basic fucking respect.

"Am I supposed to care?" asked Esme, scoffing as she shook her hair back. "I can't know all the names of your whores' can I Edward?"

"Beside's," she said, her eyes glossing over and turning dreamy. "We both know that it is Tanya you belong with."

"What?" I asked, looking at her like she was insane, which at this point, I didn't doubt. "Esme, were you high when I told you that the possibility of Tanya and I was the same as man living on the moon tomorrow?" I asked, Esme gaped at me, but I made no move to shut my mouth, the words just slipped out as I stood in the foyer, madder than I had ever been. "I don't like Tanya," I said, glaring at her. "I cannot stand her. She was, and still is, a bitch, and I have not forgiven her, no matter what I lead you to believe, which I only ended up doing because you wouldn't stop hounding me about it!"

"You shouldn't lie to me, Edward. Tanya is no bitch, she is, without a doubt, one hundred times better than your, Bella," said Esme, her voice dripping with distain as she spat Bella's name. I ignored Esme and turned away from her, she was wrong and clearly delusional.

"Come on," I said, tugging Bella's hand and leading her up the stairs.

"Edward," Esme screamed, throwing something against the wall. "Don't you dare walk away from me!" she screamed again as I tried to get Bella to move faster, wanting to be out of the room and the hell away from Esme before she started throwing something at one, or both, of us. Bella, however, stopped and turned around, her eyes narrowing as she looked at Esme with disgust. She marched up to Esme, not stopping until she was right in front of her, her eyes ablaze with anger.

"Mrs. Cullen," she said, her teeth gritted together. "You cannot keep doing this. Edward is twenty years old, an adult, and fully capable of making his own decisions. He doesn't need to check in with you, give you a schedule of where he will be or tell you where he was simply because you want to control _every_ aspect of his life. If Edward doesn't want to be with his ex-girlfriend who broke his heart, he doesn't have to be. You, however, should start listening before you make a greater fool of yourself."

"Who do you think you are?!" asked Esme, her voice raising an octave. "Who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn't do?!" Bella smirked angrily, her face merely a foot away from Esme's.

"Thanks for proving my point," she said angrily. "How can you expect to be listened to, when you won't listen back?" she questioned, her eyebrow raised as she looked at Esme. "Everybody loves their freedom, who are you to impend on his? I'm trying to make him happy, what the hell are you doing?"

"What am I doing?" she asked. "I am looking after him, when he leaves you, and comes back to Tanya and I, that's what will make him happy. I am protecting him, like I promised Elizabeth, my best friend, I would do," she said, her shoulders squaring as she, literally, raised her nose in the air. "Beside, child, you're just a toy to him, I wouldn't get too content." Esme smiled wickedly, looking at Bella in challenge when she said nothing back.

"You're wrong," I said to Esme, sick of the way she was behaving. "She's not a damn toy to me, I love her." I looked around and froze; I couldn't believe I had just said that. Esme's eyes had popped open while Bella's face was set in shock, though after a few seconds, it transformed into a dazzling smile.

"I love you too," she mouthed, smiling radiantly.

"Edward," Esme screamed, her face turning red. "You don't love her, you love Tanya, you will make a life with her and everything will be perfect, just like I planned it to be. What are you doing?!" she asked, her voice still loud and high pitched. "I won't let you ruin this; you have to fix this mistake I have made."

"Your mistake?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing as my anger rose to boiling point. "Since when am I responsible for fixing your mistakes and what kind of mistake did you exactly, apart from everything else you have done, make?!"

"You know for someone who is smart," she said, shaking her head and clapping her hands together once, loudly, as she glared at me. "You're incredibly stupid," she spat, still glaring at me. "Can you honestly not see it by now, Edward?" she asked, her eyes dancing in some sort of sick enjoyment. "Tanya is my child. Fortunately, she turned out to be more like her father than me. It's not Carlisle before you ask; he was barely in our lives. And Tanya deserved what happened to her when she showed up here, she should have known better. She really did deserve what I did to her and I had to make sure she knew her place."

"You think you can call Bella the whore?!" I yelled at her, my body shaking in anger. "What the fuck is going on in that twisted head of yours Esme?!"

"Don't you dare yell at me!" she screamed, her voice shrill, like nails on a chalk board. "If you're imply I'm crazy, Edward, you are horribly mistaken. I'm just glad that you will come to understand it, you already know it's the right thing." Esme smiled tightly at me, glared at Bella and stomped her way out of the room. Bella and I stood in silence, utterly shocked for about a minute before we finally snapped out of it.

"She fucking crazy!" said Bella, looking at me and grimacing with a shrug. "Sorry," she said, shrugging once again. "But it's true."

"No I know," I said, waving her apology away. I really didn't want one, Esme is fucking crazy. "Let's just go, I don't want to be here anymore. Can you drive please?" I asked, throwing her my keys and opened the door.

Everything has gone fucking crazy. I mean, really, what kind of fucking Twilight zone did I enter?

* * *

**I hope you all like it! :) I know it's a bit confusing, but more will be explained in the next chapter. Reviews went down.. Pretty bad last time so review this time? If there's enough review, I'll be sure to post an outtake that Becky, (juliamine) is likely to write about Bella and Edward's smutty time in the shower. :P so REVIEW PLEASE!  
Thanks to those who has review, fav and alert this! It means so much to me! ILY all.**

**For the rec'c of the week:**

_**The Man Who Can't Be Moved by Jenny0719 – Actorward and Assistant Bella. Sounds normal? Well, it's not. Edward is a Jaguar while Bella is scared of commitment. An awesome fic so go now and check it out!**_

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. The updates from now on might be slow, but please bare with me. RL is about to get a hell lot tougher, but I'll get there. **


	13. Chapter 12: Let It Be

Hi guys! :) Sorry for the lateness, but RL has been a big bitch lately as my health issue has been a bit of a problem.

I want to say a BIG thanks to **Mcc101180** for her SUPER beta power, **FlyawayDove** for her quick beta skill and **Xx Bri xX **for her awesome editing! :) Without you girlies, this chapter wouldn't exist!

To **Becky **would always greet me in the morning! ILY bb!

I know the last chapter was confusing and a tad rushed. So I hope this explains a lot more and I'm sorry if you felt that the last chapter wasn't up to scratch. I did try.

This chapter is dedicated to all of you who's facing a tough time. Remember, there's always af way out to everything.

_Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT AND I WILL NEVER EVER WILL.. ;) THE CHARACTERS ETC ALL BELONGED TO SM!! :)_

* * *

**Chapter 12: Let It Be**

**EPOV**

We were on the road for exactly twenty-seven minutes, yes, I really did count, and we did not speak one word the entire time. The drive seemed inexplicably long. The anticipation nearly killed me; I wanted so desperately to say something, to ask _any_ question, but I couldn't. It was like my mouth and mind weren't in sync. No words would come out. But beyond the inability to speak, the whole situation was just too confusing, too fucked up, to really comprehend the magnitude of what just happened. To say the awkwardness in the car was heavy would be a major understatement.

"She seems like an intriguing woman." My head snapped to Bella on its own accord, leaving me dumbfounded by her comment.

"You are joking," I said, shocked by her bluntness. "Right?" Bella rolled her eyes at me; the look she portrayed gave me the sense that 'duh' was implied. What a sweet girl.

"So, where do you want me to drive to Edward?" she asked, huffing as we headed up another long street. "It feels like I'm just circling L.A."

"UCLA Medical Center," I sighed, closing my eyes, feeling too tired to keep them open.

"Okay and where is that, Edward?" I opened my left eye, looking at her skeptically. How could she not know where UCLA is?

"Don't give me that look," she snapped, taking a sharp breath and letting it out slowly. "I'm not a local. New Zealand, Kiwi, remember?"

"Santa Monica," I snapped at her, immediately regretting it when the flash of pain crossed her face. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired." Bella gave me a curt nod and followed the directions I gave her. The air grew tense as we sat in an uncomfortable silence. In that moment, the only thing I was happy about was that there was barely any traffic. Therefore, the awkward, tense drive would only take an hour.

I ended up falling asleep, and woke to a hard tap on my shoulder. "Edward, get up." I opened my eyes groggily and swallowed repetitively, my throat closing in dryness. "We're here, where do I park?" Too afraid to park just anywhere, I made Bella circle the parking lot a few times to find the parking space that was the closest to the building. We might need to make a quick escape like we did earlier. Bella continued taking deep breaths while I denied every spot she pointed out as I _knew_ there was a better space, somewhere. It made me feel like I was about to be hit at any moment. The thought made me cringe, but not fold.

"Bella," I said, grabbing her arm and spinning her in her seat to face me, once we finally found a spot. "I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry. It's just a lot to take in. I'm trying to process it all," I told her.

"I know, Edward," she said, rubbing her hands over her face in agitation. "But so I am. It's not my family, but I'm still dealing with it too. So please, can we just not fight and not be tense around each other? I really hate it."

"Yeah, let's try to do that." Bella smiled slightly, reaching over and tracing the outline of my jaw. I leaned into her touch, my eyes closing as the feeling of home hit me. Bella slowly pulled her hand away, my eyes opening as I felt her breath wafting across my face. She bit her lip shyly, and leant into me and placed a small, chaste kiss on my lips.

"Should we go in?" she asked, grabbing her bag and opening her door. I got out of the car and half-jogged, half-limped to catch up to her, clutching her hand in mine. Bella turned to me and smiled again, bigger and brighter this time around. We walked into the reception area and made straight for the help desk. "Is Carlisle Cullen available?"

"Who are you?" the elderly woman asked, peering at us from above her glasses.

"Edward, I'm his son."

"Oh," she said, clearly flustered. "Let me page him." A few minutes passed before the lady turned back to me. "He just got out of a surgery; you can wait for him in his office."

Bella quickly thanked the woman before I hauled her towards the elevator. The small gesture of kindness did not go unnoticed by me, and it was just another way for me to see how truly amazing she is.

_I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good night  
That tonight's gonna be a good good night  
Tonight's the night night  
Let's live it up  
I got my money  
Let's spend it up_

I answered my phone without looking at it, merely knowing by the song that it was Rosalie calling. "Hey Rose," I answered distractedly. Sometimes, it really did shock me how people wondered about mine and Rose's relationship. I guess it really was weird, but it was great.

The song that was her ringtone reminded me of what a great friend she is. The song represented what Rosalie had done for me, or rather, what she had said to me. It had been Rosalie who told me to live my life, to do whatever I wanted before the end. It was her exact words, and the determination behind her voice that made me smile for the first time in what seemed like forever. Rosalie had, of course, caused some drama with her sharp words and advice. It went over so badly that she and Emmett separated for a brief weekend after she had convinced me to go skiing with her. Once their brief intermission passed, I told her thank-you, but no more. I could handle it myself, go places myself. I was determined to do it myself. Even thought I wouldn't say that we were always _nice and friendly_ to each other, it was impossible for me to deny that she meant a lot to me. I would even go as far as to say that she was some sort of unofficial bodyguard. Albeit one I didn't need, but the sweetness of the intention, led me to not care about the fact that she looked after me so closely.

Rosalie had been the first person to treat me as an equal. Even though that being said, I could still see her hesitance to treat me like one due to my health condition. It wasn't like that with Bella, through fights and time apart, through bitterness and awkward tension, through heartache and pain, I had found my reason to live. It had taken my best friend, my lover, my heart and my soul, my world to teach me the beauty of life, the beauty of love.

"Where are you, Edward?" Rosalie asked urgently, bringing me back to reality as I stepped into the elevator with Bella in tow.

"I'm at UCLA Medical Center."

"I know about Esme and your recent incident," Rosalie said immediately, her tone anxious.

"It was nothing," I lied easily. Rosalie sighed. She sounded frustrated as she told me that she was ten minutes away and ordered me to wait for her, before she snapped the phone close without so much as a goodbye.

"Bella?" I asked, looking at her in concern as she chewed her nails feverishly. "Are you okay?"

"No, Edward, I'm not. Why are we here, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just need to talk to Carlisle," I spat, not being able to keep the anger from my voice. I was pissed, but at who, I didn't know. It was just easier to pin it on one person.

"Do you want me to wait outside for you?" asked Bella, her voice gentle as she rubbed my arm soothingly. I squeezed her hand instantly, not wanting to part from her.

"No, Bella. I really need you in there with me."

She gave me a heartwarming smile before squeezing my hand. "Should we sit while we wait for Rosalie?"

I nodded and led her over to a couple of uncomfortable chairs. I guess Bella have overheard Rose and my conversation on the phone, not that I cared. We waited for about ten minutes, Bella's hand clutching mine as she traced patterns along my arms. Rosalie walked, or more like stomped, inside and passed us. She tossed a command of, "I'm here, let's go," over her shoulder as she walked the wide corridors.

"Rosalie," I called out loudly, immediately being shushed by a passing nurse. Ignoring her, I walked faster, tugging Bella along, just catching Rosalie's arm before she barged in through the door. "Why are you here?"

"You need me here," she said simply, like it answered all my questions. "I'm sorry Edward, really. It's been an honor knowing you, and Bella," Rosalie said, her tone low as she cleared her throat and turned her head away slightly. "I'm glad he found someone as good as you, Bella," Rosalie said, smiling slightly, looking back to us, her expression sad as she pushed the door open. Was that a God damned goodbye speech? Because heaven help me, it sure as hell sounded like one.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head to the right. I looked over, seeing Carlisle in his chair. His eyes were focused on me, filled with pain, sadness, regret, things that I couldn't even begin to comprehend, or grasp the meaning of.

"Hi," Bella said quietly, stepping into the room that seemed more like a coffin with me.

"Take a seat. Please," he added after a second, his voice ominous.

"Carlisle," I said quietly, my anger long gone as I took in his ragged appearance. "What's going on?" He knew I meant more than right now, he knew I meant in general, and I saw it in his eyes. They confirmed that he really did know, and beyond that, he understood.

"It's a long story, Edward, but you deserve to know." The words started to cause a nervous sweat to break out across my skin. But it was the gentle squeezing of my hand that let me know it would be okay. Somehow, someday, it would be just fine.

"Did you know that I can't have children, Edward?" I shook my head no, slowly taking in that particular piece of information. "Esme loves children, always wanted one of her own. Don't misunderstand me, she does love you, in her own way, but a child that is hers, biologically, not even the greatest gift on earth could fill that void."

"So, you went with adoption?"

"Yes, and it was a good day when we found you children, each special and perfect in your own way." He smiled, somewhat wistfully, before clearing his throat. "Esme seemed happy, alive. She loved you all so immensely, so passionately. But Edward, all love can be lost, or misplaced at the very least."

"Misplaced?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," he said, his voice reflecting exactly that, sorrow. "You shouldn't have to hear this, it isn't fair to you."

"Tell me, Carlisle. I have a right to know."

"You do, which is why I am telling you," Carlisle said, glancing over to Bella and Rosalie before looking back to me. "As I said, it seemed like Esme was misplaced in her life, and for that period of time, she found herself in other ways. She found herself in another man, another life, one full of possibilities."

"How do you know that?" I asked, my hand grasping tightly at Bella's. She squeezed back and took a breath along side of me.

"I followed her. My private investigator did, at least. Adultery is hard to deal with; it makes people do crazy things. Of this I am no exception."

"I became possessive, I can admit to that. My family was breaking apart. I was losing, or had already lost, Esme and it was taking its toll. You remember how things were at that time, the partying, the staying out to all hours that Esme had been doing, you kids being left at home alone?"

"My work pulled me away. As much of a reason as that is, it is still terrible, and it doesn't excuse me."

"What did you do?"

"It got worse. I found out that not only was the affair ongoing, it had been from when we first met. We didn't know each other long, and the sudden marriage surprised everyone we knew. No one came because no one believed it to be anything other than a mistake, a fling of sorts."

"Who was he, the man?"

"His name is Aro; he is one of my colleagues."

"What else?" I asked without delay. My head felt light and my stomach queasy, all the things I had taken in had just begun to digest, and they weren't sitting well.

"The correct thing for me to do would have been to hire a divorce attorney and file for separation."

"You didn't," I finished for him. Carlisle nodded and ran a hand over his face. "I knew about Aro, Tanya, the life she had going on the side. I couldn't stand the thought of losing her, the thought of not having her as my wife, in our lives and in our house every day."

"I made her stay," he said tiredly. "I made her stay by using things against her, putting pressure on her. Telling her that I would make sure she, Aro, and their daughter, would lose everything, that they would have nothing."

"It was a different time, and we were different people. It was a mistake, but I stuck to it for years. I realize that it was me, not by myself, but definitely me, that majorly contributed to the mess of the families and lives involved." Carlisle sat in his chair and tossed me a balled up piece of paper. I slowly unraveled in to find a day ripped out of a calendar.

"On that day," he said, nodding towards the paper I held in my hand. "Esme started changing, subtly at first, but as time progressed, so did the changes."

"I made her choose between our family and her other family, but I never _really _gave her a choice to begin with. So it was obvious why she became angrier and unhappier in the house."

"She was bitter."

"Yes, I think so, and I understand it, too. Things changed slowly but surely. Esme went out more, partying away, acting as if she was happy, but when she was alone with me, the disdain and the anger was obvious."

"She blamed you?"

"Yes, she blamed me for ruining her life, and I accepted that with ease. She blamed me from keeping her from her daughter, and it's true."

"Esme loved to flaunt you Edward, she was so proud. I never knew that, and I'm sorry to say this, it was all for attention." He sat back against his seat and sighed heavily. "She loved it, Edward, because it put the spotlight onto you and her at the same time. Her misery could be kept a secret. No one, not even I, in those moments, could ever tell otherwise."

"Is that why you are never around? Why are you always working?"

"Yes, it was easier that way. I didn't have to see what I had caused, the pain that my rash and misled actions caused. Whether I did it for the right or wrong reason, I still made a very wrong choice. It will be one that I regret for the rest of my life."

"Where does the arrival of Tanya fit into all of this?"

"A couple of years ago, Esme got into contact with her, and I made no move to stop it. But as time went on, Esme became, even to me, more unrecognizable. I found her rocking a doll in her arms one night. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen, and she refused, kicking and screaming, to get help. I couldn't force her, Edward. Not after all I had forced on her already." I nodded slowly, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I love Esme, Edward. With all my heart, I love her. I just couldn't accept the fact that she stopped loving me back a long time ago." Carlisle stood, clearing his throat as he muttered "excuse me," the bathroom door shutting behind him.

"Should I go in there?" I asked Bella, turning to face her for the first time since we sat down. She shook her head and brushed some hair back from my face.

"Just give him a little time," she said, smiling softly at me. A few minutes later he walked out, his eyes red and his breathing labored.

"Carlisle, it's not your fault, not all of it," I said, shrugging as Bella looked at me in shock. "I don't know where to go from here, Carlisle. But what's done is done, you know that. Even wishing upon the biggest shooting star cannot undo it, and that is something we have to accept. It isn't going to change."

"You're a smart man, Edward," Carlisle said, sitting forward in his chair, his arms resting on the desk.

"I need to clear my head," I sighed, rubbing my free hand over my face, trying to alleviate the stress. "Bella and I should go."

"Nope," said Rosalie, pulling me back down. "You'll need to suck it up for a little longer, Cullen." Rosalie looked between Bella and I, smiling sadly as her gaze fixed on me. "There's something I need to tell you."

-----

_Let It Be, The Beatles. _

_Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be._

_And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,  
there will be an answer, let it be.  
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,  
there will be an answer. let it be._

_Let it be, let it be, ....._

_And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,  
shine until tomorrow, let it be._

_

* * *

_

_AN: What do you think? Like it/hate it? **Please review**. (as on 7/1/10 I've only received 5)..I'm feeling pretty sad right now.. so can we at least get like 10?? _

_A big thanks to people who have fav/alert me or this fic! It means a lot!_

_Another HUGE thank you to Juliamine, Mallory83, Teambellaedward, LexyW, Karalian70, Mad4hugh, Mrscullenxo5, Angel-Miyu, Maiken m, Ideblade, Ayame2004, Frankfart101, dustlandfairytale14, HookaShewz, Gaby47 for **reviewing! **_

_Rec'c of the week goes to… *drum rolls*_

_**Rescue Me** by **Sparagus** – an amazing story where Bella is struggle with her life due to an accident occurred a year earlier. She moved into the city, and found a new life for herself. The problem is, is she ready to move on? Go and check it out! It's a wonderful fic!!!_

_Don't forget to come and check out the thread on twilighted http: //www. /forum ?f=44&t=7697_

_Also, made a new Formspring account so if you want to ask a question, feel free. ;) http:// www. /gossipbangkok_

_I'm gossip_bangkok on twitter also, so ADD me! :)_

_Hope you have enjoyed it! Till the next time! Thanks for reading._


	14. Chapter 13: The Glass Comes Off

**So hi, umm, yeah, I apologise for the lateness. RL has been kicking me in the butt, too many exams, etc. Anyway, it finally is here. I hope you'll enjoy it and please remember to review :)**

**Thanks to Xx Bri xX for being a BRILLIANT editor and Mcc101180 for her dedication to betaing!! I love you both! To Becky (Juliamine) and Laura (LZTZ) for being there for me all the time on bbm! :P To those who added and talk to me on twitter, it's great getting to know you! **

**Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for those who have reviews! You totally deserve a kiss from Rob! (I assume you all like Rob, right?) **

**I also have a new blog, gossipb-abroad (dot) blogspot (dot) com for my Europe trip that is going to happen on the 30th of March, so go check it out if you're interested!**

**Thanks for reading and PLEASE don't forget to REVIEW!! I love hearing from you!! :)**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 13: The Glass Comes Off**

**EPOV**

Why is it that everything kept changing much too fast for me to comprehend? Why was it when I thought I had everything pegged, someone always managed to pull the rug out from under me?

More importantly though, why was I just now understanding what had happened in _my_ life?

Regardless of the things I had learnt, I was pissed. I felt furious, nothing would have pleased me more than throwing my fist into something or someone, just so they could experience the anger, the resentment, and the annoyance I felt.

Was I the only one who didn't know about this? Why was I, one of the major players involved, the last one to know? And now, I had no idea what the fuck I was to do or how to get passed this.

_*One hour ago* _

"_My turn," Rose said. "I guess I should get this over and done with," she muttered, seemingly more to herself than to us._

"_You've heard the story of how I met Emmett, of course. It was at his club, blah, blah, you know it, right?" she asked, turning her head slightly so she could look at me. _

_I nodded. "Yes."_

"_It's not entirely true," Rose whispered. She shook her head, muttering something before expelling a gust of air. "In fact, most of it isn't true. Most of it is lies."_

"_What are you…?"_

"_Please," she begged with a quiet voice. "Just let me talk." _

_I nodded, waiting for her to continue. "The modeling, that's all true. But I got into some financial troubles, and I needed money, so I got it. I made…" she hesitated, her eyes tight. "I made some, bad decisions and got into debt with loan sharks." _

"_What?"_

"_I couldn't get out of it. They kept coming for their money, and it was money I never had, Edward. They gave me one last chance, but left me beaten and bloodied as a reminder of what would happen if I didn't get it to them in time."_

"_It was a huge thing. They bruised my face, my body, the thing I used to earn money, and I had to go to the hospital, I had no choice. I met Carlisle there; he was my doctor."_

_They shared a glance, her features softening. "He got the whole story out of me. I was high on Morphine, though. I couldn't be blamed."_

"_I offered her a job," Carlisle said, taking Rose's silence in stride. But the tremble in his voice made me curious, in a bad way. _

_Rose smiled at him, a small smile of sadness, or perhaps it was apprehension. "It was to become… a sitter of sorts." She smiled gently when I frowned. "For Esme," she clarified. "Sort of a weird, but necessary thing, I guess. It was to stop her from…acting the way she did." _

_I frowned, looking to Carlisle whose gaze was firmly fixed on Rose. "It was to make sure she didn't hurt herself, or you," she whispered._

"_I needed money, and fast. And Carlisle offered to pay off my debts; he saved my life." Rosalie looked to Carlisle and all I could see was the adoration in her eyes. _

_Now I was getting frustrated. "You said to watch Esme….but why did you have to make sure Esme wouldn't hurt me?"_

"_Not you, specifically, you were just the most vulnerable." _

"_Excuse me?" I asked, truly offended. _

_Rose shook her head sadly, smiling in the same manner. For the first time, I didn't take it as sweet, it was condescending. "Edward, Esme manipulated you into lots of situation. So you, and your ego, will have to take that fact in stride. Esme was, is, ill. In some way, I guess she thought she could piggyback your fame." _

"_Esme may be a lot of things," I growled, completely pissed off that, yet again, I was the last to know these things. "And yes she is ill, but she is my mother, so if this was true, why wasn't I told?" I shouted._

"_To protect you," she whispered quietly, still seemingly shocked. _

_I seethed. "I'm not a child!" I yelled, furiously. "I don't need anyone to protect me. What I need are people who don't lie to me, don't keep things from me- people who are fucking honest with me!" _

"_Edward," Carlisle warned._

_I shot him the angriest glare I could muster. How dare he, the man that claimed to be my father, keep such things from me?_

"_Defend yourself," I snapped. "Fucking defend yourself!" _

_Carlisle sat back against his seat, his eyes cold but understanding. "I can't."_

"_I didn't think so." _

"_We did try, Edward. Your best intentions were always what we kept in mind," Rose interjected, her voice trembling slightly. _

"_I was afraid, we all were. Of losing the both of you…"_

"_Wait," I interrupted, shooting him a dubious glare. "What do you mean 'we all were'?" _

_Carlisle blanched, and shrunk back in his seat a little while Rose looked away from me, fidgeting nervously. _

"_What do you mean 'we all were'?" I shouted, angrily. _

"_Everyone else…" Carlisle whispered. _

"_You all knew, except for me?" Carlisle and Rose shared a glance, and both nodded softly, hesitantly. _

_I stood abruptly, sending the chair careening back against the wall. Bella stood quickly, so her arm wouldn't get yanked off as I walked towards the door. _

"_I'm done being made a fool of," I snapped. They both stared at me with the shocking expression on their faces. Not wanting to look at them, I led Bella out of the door, ignoring their calls for me. _

The entire drive to Bella's condo was tense. She must have sensed that I needed to think because the entire trip was made in silence. But the moment my feet made it across the threshold, I felt light. It felt like the weight of the world was suddenly taken off my shoulders. It felt like I could relax again, and forget everything else going on in my life. It felt like a constant state of bliss.

As always though, reality eventually checked back in. Now here I was, dealing with all this bullshit, knowing that time, which already seemed so short, was closing in all too fast. All this crap reminds me of the things I wanted to doin life, before I die. I don't want to live the last two years of my life, in misery, finding out truth after truth that my family had kept a secret from me. It was, in that moment, more so than any other, that I realized that _now_ was the time to be living, not dying. I don't want to die, knowing that I'm alone in this world. Even though Carlisle, Alice and Emmett constantly tell me that I'm their family, I don't feel like an equal member. Family doesn't keep secrets from each other. Well, not one this big anyway.

When you are a child, your view is marred by rose colored glasses, where the simple miracle of a rainbow is cherished. But then one day, the glasses come off. They start to see the world for what it is- vindictive, evil, sadistic, filled with hatred and anger, and it's sad.

Nothing is real, or true. It is, like everything else, a cover to protect the fucked up world we occupied. Nothing was easy, but maybe it was never meant to be easy.

"Hey," Bella whispered. "It's going to be alright."

I nodded, not entirely sure why though. I didn't believe it. Bella smiled slightly, her eyes kind. "Stay with me tonight?"

I nodded, and slowly rose from the couch, Bella's hands holding me steady. We walked into the bedroom quietly, stripped off our clothing and climbed into bed.

Even though my head was buried in the crook of her neck, for the first time in a long time, I cried as she held me fast.

"I love you," she continued to whisper. "I love you so much, Edward."

I let out a happy sigh. No, things weren't perfect, but at that moment, they were as good as they could get.

"I love you, Bella, you have no idea." I gasped, trying to hide my cries.

_I'm going to miss you so much, Bella. You have no idea. You complete me, make me feel loved and comfort since the day I met you. What's going to happen, when I'm gone? Are you going to be alright? What's going to happen to us? _

"We'll be okay," she whispered, tears filling her eyes. It was almost like she could read my mind.

For the first time, possible a little too late, I truly thought about life after death… just not mine.

* * *

**Come on ladies.. Push the green button, and NAKED Rob might jump into your bed, TONIGHT! :P Thanks for reading xx**


	15. Chapter 14: Fantastic Morning, Yea Right

Hi! Here's the new chapter

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Thanks to **Mel **(_mcc101180) for her awesome editing power, without you there wouldn't be all of this bb!_

_To **Xx Bri xX**, I'm sorry to see you go. Thank you for all your editing. Best of luck with uni! So this is her last chapter editing for me!_

* * *

**Chapter 14: Fantastic Morning, Yeah Right**

**EPOV**

You know that feeling? The feeling when you wake up on top of the world, feeling like you can take on whatever life throws your way? That moment was now, and that moment was mine.

There was no other way to describe my morning than complete unadulterated bliss. Bella, at some point during the night, had wrapped herself around me. Her head rested on my chest, over my heart.

It wasn't a big gesture of love, or something that took days of planning. It was just Bella, just me, just us. And it was everything.

It seemed so irrational to think of yesterday in a bad light. In a way, no matter how fucked up it had been, it was the most truth I had gotten in a very long time.

Sighing quietly, I tried to move Bella, but instead she hit me, growling lowly. "Go back to sleep. It's too early."

A smirk settled on my face before I could stop it. This was a moment I would cherish. Laughing as quietly as I could, I slipped out of bed and as I put my weight on my left foot, my whole leg was aching with pain.

Gritting my teeth, I slowly walked to the medicine cabinet and searched for pain killers.

"Fuck," I shouted, immediately regretting it, as the noise was loud enough to wake the whole floor. Thankfully, my outburst over the pain hadn't awakened Bella. This time I calmly searched the cabinets again, not wanting, or needing, a hospital visit and finally came across some Tylenol.

I took three with a sip of water and took the pressure off my leg. It did little to alleviate the pain. In fact, it made it worse. So I did the only thing I could think of, I sat my ass down on the freezing tile and waited for the spasms to die down.

Finally, after many minutes of agony, I stood on unsteady feet, and grasped the vanity firmly. As soon as I was able to put pressure on my leg, I limped to the door and pulled it open. When I opened it, however, I stopped and smiled at the sight that lay before me.

Bella was sprawled out on the bed. The sheets were in a tangled mess between her legs, her arms splayed wide as she snored quietly. I couldn't help but be in awe of her.

Smiling once more, I carefully walked out the door and towards the kitchen, taking in its clean counters and the cold air with a content sigh. Bella had done so much for me during the past week, so I wanted to show her that while she could take care of me, I, too, wanted to be able to take care of her. Breakfast this morning would be one of those ways.

In next to no time, the pan was filled with pancake mix and cooking perfectly. It smelled great, if I was allowed to toot my own horn, and pancakes were one of the things I never messed up.

As the mixture cooked in the pan, I thought of a few things I had yet to really consider. I am certain that I am not ready to go back to that place. I don't even think it is my home any longer. It was a place I used to live with people I _used_ to care about.

Now, home is wherever Bella is.

I thought about it, and the alternative was fairly simple. I only hoped that Bella wouldn't think I was clingy or moving too fast. God knows I had never been the clinger in a relationship, but little by little, Bella had, unknowingly, changed me into that kind of person.

"Hey," Bella said, slipping her arms around my waist.

"Hey," I said, turning around to pull her into a hug. Bella mumbled something and placed a kiss on my chest.

"What was that?" I asked, grinning. Bella's eyes narrowed, her heading cocking to one side as she glared defiantly.

"Nothing," she said, giving me an angelical smile. "Go lie down."

"What?"

She sighed. "Go lie down. Don't think I don't know what happened in the bathroom this morning. Go lie down."

I sighed, resigned to my fate, and dragged myself to the couch. After promptly sitting down, I sighed in content, my eyes closing as I rested my head on the back of the couch.

Bella walked over about ten minutes later, with a plate filled with a small stack of pancakes and a health juice packed full of vitamins.

"Eat," she said, thrusting the plate at me. I happily obliged as I made room for Bella. She, too, ate her pancakes until the dishes were lying on the table.

"That was so good," she moaned, rubbing her stomach. "But I'm full now."

I nodded. "Me too."

Bella looked over at me, her eyebrows furrowing. "I think we should quit," she said.

I frowned. "Quit what?" I asked. I paused and looked to her in shock. "You mean quit Berkeley?"

She nodded. "After yesterday, after all of this, I just… I don't waste the time we have left."

I shook my head. "School isn't a waste, Bella. You love school."

Bella nodded, and wiped her eyes. "Yeah," she agreed. "I love school, but I love_ you_ more."

She peered up at me, her teeth biting that damn lip again. "What do you think?"

I thought carefully for a moment. I knew in a matter of months, I would no longer be able to attend school. With the rate that this _disease _is going, I don't even think I have a year and a half left. I would do whatever it takes to be with Bella, but still, for Bella to give up her education for me, it's wrong, too selfish.

"No, Bella," I shook my head, disgusted with how conflicted I was inside.

"No, Edward. You don't understand. I want to spend every day with you, without having to worry about schoolwork or exams." She frowned.

"No. That's the final answer, Bella. You're not going to quit, hundreds if not thousands, of people would die to be in your position so I'm not going to let you give it up."

"Edward, it's _my _decision. You can't make me do something I don't want." She threw her cutleries down and walked out of the room. I saw tears flowing freely onto her cheeks as she walked out.

I sighed. One side of me, my heart, wanted to give Bella everything she wanted, but the other side of me, my brain, wanted Bella to do what she was destined to do, to become an artist like she had dreamed. I would never want to take that away from her. What happened when I die? I wanted her to move on as easily as she could. Would that even be possible? Would she be miserable if I forced her to go to college?

I wanted to give Bella everything I had. I wanted to bring her all the happiness I could, before I could no longer do so.

Coming to this conclusion was not easy, maybe I could talk to the deans about dropping classes just for now. I really hated that I was going to take one of the few things she has left from her, but this was what she wanted, right?

I looked around the house, but there was no sign of Bella. I started to panic, but as soon as I saw the bathroom door closed, I knew she was in there. Probably crying.

I knocked on the door twice, before opening it. Bella was lying on the floor, sobbing away.

I picked her up and hugged her for dear life. I pushed her hair back to meet her swollen eyes. Even with swollen eyes, Bella still was the most beautiful person I've ever seen. No one could compare to her, no one.

"Bella, I'm sorry for making you cry. I don't want to take away one of the few things you love. Berkeley is your dream, Bella. It is the road to a successful career. It's everything that you could have wanted," I explained.

"It's true, Edward. It _was_ everything I wanted, until you came along. Everything disappeared when you showed up at that lunch table. You see, I could pick the courses up anytime, even if I had to re-apply. I know myself, Edward. Berkeley will be there for me, when I'm ready, it won't go anywhere. But you, you're…" She looked down at her lap.

"I know baby. I know. Time passes by too quickly doesn't it?" I kissed her forehead.

"Wait, is that a yes?" Bella squealed. I nodded and she peppered my face in kisses. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she hugged me tightly.

"How can I deny you anything when you treat me like that every time I agree to your ideas?" I teased.

Bella giggled like a little girl before giving me a full kiss on the mouth.

"Well, you'll just have to keep saying 'yes' then," she laughed freely.

The sound made me smile. She made me feel less nervous than before. Knowing it's now or never, I knew I had to tell her about my other plan. I spit out, "So, I'm moving out."

Bella's kisses paused. She pulled back, looking at me with wide eyes. "Are you serious?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I know they're family, but I just can't live there anymore. I just can't live like _that_ anymore, you know?"

Bella huffed, "But they are your family, Edward. They love you. I know you feel that what they've done to you is wrong, and trust me when I say I agree with you, but baby, you will regret it someday. You don't know how lonely it gets. Your family is one thing you can count on." She placed her right hand on my cheek.

Taking in all the things Bella had told me, I continued, "I don't want all the negative thoughts in my life. I need to cut them out. I don't want to live the rest of my time, dwelling on the past. I want to focus on the now, with you."

"Ok. How about this, if you agree that you'll keep in touch with your family, including Esme, I'll let you move here, permanently. How's that?" Bella said in a business tone.

"I didn't know my girlfriend is a business woman as well as a musician," I joked.

"Girlfriend?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Fuck, I never asked you did I?" I paused. "Isabella Marie Swan, would you do the honor of being my girlfriend?" I asked in a serious tone.

She nodded, and gave me a quiet "yes".

I grinned and pinned her to the couch, my hand trailing under her shirt. I muffled my gasp, or maybe moan, when my hand found her bare breast, her nipple already pebbled in my palm. "No bra," I grinned.

Bella nodded, moaning gently and arching further into my hand. "Like it?" she panted.

I smirked, nodding my head even though she couldn't see. "I love it."

"I love you," I looked at her straight in the eyes, hoping for her to really see my sincerity.

"I love you too, so much," she answered back.

Just as I was about to kiss her, there was a series of loud knocks on the door. My lips paused over Bella's and we waited in silence. The knocking stopped and I grinned, continuing my attack on her body. Then the knocking started again, louder this time.

"I guess whoever it is, isn't leaving," Bella sighed, pushing me off her and standing up. I groaned, and adjusted myself before following her to the door.

Bella opened it and I whined instantly. By the door, Carlisle, Emmett, Alice and Jasper were standing, acting as if nothing has happened. "For fuck's sake," I muttered.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Edward," Carlisle said sympathetically as he raised his hands in the air. What, did he think I was going to hit him? Actually, that was pretty probable.

"What are you doing here? We have nothing to talk about," I said, trying to cut off any further conversation.

Carlisle sighed. "We do."

Bella laid a gentle hand on my arm, her eyes flickering over their shoulders to see her nosy neighbors watching closely. "Perhaps this conversation would be better in private," she said, opening the door and gesturing for them to walk in.

They did, avoiding eye contact. I waited for them to pass, staring incredulously at Bella.

"What the hell?"

Bella sighed and shut the door. "They wouldn't leave if we asked them to, Edward. And I prefer our life to stay private… Miss what's-her-face is the biggest gossip in the building. Besides, now we have home court advantage."

I smiled, leave it to Bella to make me feel better, but quickly let it fall as we walked into the living room where everyone had gathered. I pulled Bella to a small seat, not wanting to have to sit with anyone else but her.

"Edward," Alice said, walking closer to me, her eyes full of hope.

By instinct, I cringed back away from her. "Don't touch me," I snapped. A hurt look filtered across her face before she nodded, slowly sitting back down.

"What do you want?" I asked in a cold voice.

Jasper scoffed and shook his head. "What do you think we want?" he asked, snidely. "We know we made a mistake, but we apologized for that. What more do you want?"

Resisting the urge to smash his face into the table, I sighed, sitting back against the couch with my fists curled tightly. "Not to be lied to in the first place, and what the fuck are you doing here? This was supposed to stay between me, Bella, Rose and Carlisle," I answered, just as snidely.

Everyone sat in an awkward, tense silence for several long minutes. Alice was the first to break it. "We're sorry, Edward. We all knew. We know now that it was the wrong thing to do, keeping the truth away from you. Please come home, Esme misses you, we miss you," she begged.

Emmett nodded. "Come on, Edward, everyone makes mistakes. Are you really going to turn your back on us, just like that?"

I contemplated it. "Yeah," I answered, honestly. "I really think I am."

Shocked wouldn't even begin to explain the looks on their faces. Bella's hand curled around mine and she gave me a questioning, meaningful glance.

"What the fuck?" Emmett shouted, smashing his fist against the table. "Who are you?"

I scoffed, laughed and stood. "The person that was lied to for years, actually, almost my whole life. So you said you're sorry. Am I supposed to forgive and forget?"

"Yeah," Alice answered, staring at me with the same hurt expression. "Edward, what are you going to do? Ignore us for the rest of our lives?"

"No," I answered, honestly," just the rest of mine."

No one said anything, though I could feel a lot of glares burning into my skin. Bella cleared her throat. "Um, I'm sorry, but I think it's time for you leave."

Carlisle's gaze snapped to hers, and they held a stare for several minutes. Carlisle looked away first. "Okay," he said, nodding.

Everyone stood and followed him out the door, but Emmett stopped, as did everyone else, and turned back to me. "When will this tantrum end?" he asked, glaring at me.

I scoffed, pissed off and insulted. "When you bury me."

I slammed the door shut on his shocked face and leant against it for several seconds. Bella had barely laid her hand on my back when I ran to the bathroom and heaved mercilessly.

_What a fantastic morning. _

* * *

Don't forget to **REVIEW **my angels.. Or else Rob from Details photoshoot won't come knocking on your bedroom room! ;P


	16. Chapter 15: The Reason

**Hi it's me again. I guess we've been real excited for the past two days with Rob overload huh? :) Sorry for the lateness, been extremely busy! :) Thanks to those who have favorite and alert! Especially to those who have reviewed! :) Hope you have enjoyed it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I wish I do own non-allergic to vagina Rob though. J/S! :P**

**Thanks to Mel for BETAING WHILE SICK!! I LOVE YOU! :) And I hope you'll feel better soon**

**Chapter 15: The Reason**

**I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with every day  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear**

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

*-*-*-*-*-*

EPOV

After the morning incident, the rest of our day was uneventful, thank god for that! I decided to take Bella out on a dinner date at a Japanese restaurant near her condo.

I love the feeling, the security, when I'm with her. Bella gives me strength, and I knew I had to talk to her about why I was not receiving any treatment for the cancer soon. I knew she'd been wondering about it, well, that's what she told me during the night. Yes, she sleep talks, fucking adorable if you asked me.

As we placed our orders, I chose the Tsukemen while Bella chose the Kitakita Ramen. While waiting for the food, I knew it was now or never to tell Bella why.

"Bella, can I talk to you about something?" I asked, unsure if this was a suitable place.

"Sure, go ahead," she smiled, encouraging me to speak up.

"I need to tell you why I…. am deciding not to treat the leukemia," I finally spoke up.

Bella looked up swiftly, shocked, before reaching out to hold my hand.

"Edward, you don't have to explain, baby," she began. I instantly placed my finger on her mouth. I knew what she was going to say, how she'd say it didn't matter, but I knew it did, and if the situation was reversed, I would want to know why.

"Let me explain, I want to Bella," I concluded. Taking a deep breath, Bella sat up properly, putting on a serious face.

"About four months before I met you, I did try to do biological therapy. They use a drug that mimics proteins in your immune system to help fight the cancer cells. At the start, things were looking great, but after three months or so, it stopped, Bella. Carlisle and I," I paused, trying to find my voice again. I knew I could do this, I could tell her that I'm going to die no matter what.

Bella realized why I stopped, and she repositioned her chair so that it was the closest to me as possible. She gave my hand a little squeeze, while running her hand up and down my arm.

I breathed in her scent and gained my strength.

"We could have done the chemotherapy, but it was too much, Bella. I saw these people at the radiation department, fighting for their lives. I wanted to follow my parents, Edward and Elizabeth. At that time, I didn't want to be them; I wanted to live happily and die peacefully. That was before you, I had nothing to live for. But then, you came into my life, and brightened up my whole world, Bella. I'm not shitting you. You make me feel so happy, the happiest I've ever been since the death of my biological parents. Sure, the Cullens are my family, but there's always a gap you know, the one that only my parents can fill. If I knew you would come along, I would've done the radiation, and anything there was, just to survive that, believe me Bella, but because the type of leukemia I have, it's progressing too fast, there's no way Bella," I shook my head. I wasn't strong enough, I knew it. I went through a numbers of tests and by looking at Carlisle's face; I knew there was no hope. I knew, if I took the medication, did the radiation, then, maybe. But because I thought that I had nothing to give up, I've let myself go, but in fact, I was just lost, and Bella guided me back to where I belong.

I looked up, seeing Bella in tears, and my chest felt empty. I made her cry again. "No, Edward, we'll find a way. We can go see your doctor tomorrow, and talk to him. We won't give up," she denied.

I pulled her close, hugging her for dear life. I knew it wouldn't help a thing, but that was all I could give her.

We broke apart after the waiter rudely interrupted us. We ate quietly. I wanted to know what in the world Bella was thinking. This was the time when I wished I could read minds.

"Bella, what are you thinking about darling?"

"So, you want to spend the rest of your time happy right?" Bella asked as her voice sounded uncertain.

"Why, love?" I knitted my brows together.

"Well, Edward, if you want to live happily, then I wants you to make amends with your family," she pleaded.

"No," I said firmly. What the fuck? Why is Bella doing this? I thought she was on my side.

"Edward, stop thinking, period! Listen to me. You don't know how it feels to have no one in the world. Yes, your biological parents are gone, but there are still people in this world that love you. When you're alone Edward, it's unbearable. I don't want you die… as a bitter man. This morning I supported you because you had the right to be angry, but after now, that you've just explained to me, I want you to be happy. You should spend time with them because there's not a lot of time left." She looked at me in tears, sincerity growing from her.

"Does that mean I have to go back and live with them?" I asked in a small voice.

Bella burst out laughing, "No, you silly boy. I still want to see you every night and morning, in my bed." She winked. Leave it up to Bella to try and lift the mood but I could see through her mask. She was scared, sad, but most of all, shattered. I'm not sure if it was all because of me, but I would fix it, I know I would.

I smiled brightly at her, "So I guess we have a place to get to, before we can go _home_?"

Bella's eyes once again were in tears. "Yes, _home_," she added quietly.

With that in mind, I told the waiter to give us the bill.

* * *

The trip back home had never been this frightening. What if they don't want me back after what I did this morning? What if…

"Edward! Stop thinking! I know what you are doing! You're freaking yourself out!" Bella screamed out. I was glad that the R8's glass windows didn't shatter, because I'm sure if she shouted any louder, they would have.

"Fine," I pouted.

"Don't you dare pout at me Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." She smacked my head, a little bit too harsh I may add, but that was the last thing on my mind. Bella using authority on me was, hot.

"Baby, you better not call me my full name again, or we'll never get there," I threatened.

Bella leaned over the console and whispered, "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," as she licked her lips as she trailed her fingers up my thigh.

I growled before pulling the car to a stop, and pushed the emergency button.

"You really shouldn't have done that." I shook my head, before climbing into the back.

Without a complaint, Bella followed behind me.

That little devil! It was all planned!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

We finally made it to the house with a thirty minutes delay. Let's just say that I'm sure that the animals nearby heard what we were up to, but guess I can't help it if I'm good, can I?

I tried to tame my hair as much as I could anyway, and I'm sure Bella has tried to do the same, but we still had the 'sex hair'.

"Edward, I can't go in like this!" she said as I tried to _pull _her out of the seat.

"Bella, I will carry you if that's what I've got to do," I warned.

Finally, we made it to the front door. My hands were trembling as I rang the bell. Bella instantly grabbed my hand and started rubbing circles around my palm.

What this woman does to me, incredible. Why didn't I know her before all of this happened?

The door finally opened, and there he stood, shocked.

"Carlisle," I greeted.

"Edward. What can I do for you?" Leave it to Carlisle to cut to the chase.

"I'm here to apologize for my actions earlier today." I lowered my head, in regret. Seeing Carlisle, I finally realized how wrong I was, even though I still was angry about what he did, he was a father to me. He loved me, but he was the one who never flaunted it around, not even around his own children.

Stunned, he blurted out, "Come on in."

With that, I guided Bella into the house.

* * *

**I hope it's not too bad. I hope that you have enjoyed it. Sorry, I know it is short, but that's all I can write for now. **

**I know as my beta have mentioned, some of you might wonder if there is NOTHING the doctor could do to save Edward. In real life, yes, if he decides to do chemotherapy, he will probably survive, BUT let's just stick with me and the plot**

**AS IN: There's NOTHING the doctor can do to stop the cancer cells spreading. Plus, Edward has convinced himself for sooo long that he isn't going to get better and he's going to die. I hope that make sense. PM me if you want more explanation! :) Is that confusing? If it is, I'm sorry! :( I just realized how much I suck at AN LOL! :P**

**Thanks for reading.**

**come find me on twitter.. I'm gossip_bangkok there as well! **


	17. Chapter 16: All Good

Hi! :) So, here's the next chapter! I want to thank Mel (mcc101180) for betaing. Without you, this wouldn't be readable. I hope you'll feel better soon bb!

Thanks to everyone who had reviewed, favorite, alert and read this fic.

Thanks to RoseArcadia for making me a BEAUTIFUL blinkie! The link can be found on my profile page. Also, thanks to Becky for making a thread on Twilighted. Do come over and say hi!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight-verse. If I did, I would have made all the guys topless and the girls.. disappear.. A girl can dream right? :P**

**

* * *

Chapter 16: All Good**

**EPOV**

When you have been somewhere different for a while, you see the place where you were once familiar with in a new perspective. Walking into the living room, I instantly realized that the house was somewhat cold. The whole room was perfectly arranged, in other words, not a single hair was out of place. I knew that Esme liked to keep things neat and tidy, but the atmosphere was never this cold before. Carlisle looked like he hadn't slept in a thousand years. His eyes were hollowed and dark rings had formed under his eyes. Being at Bella's, I came to the generalization that it was filled with positive thoughts, and although it wasn't _as organized_ as Carlisle's house, it looked much better than this place. There was no sign of personal touch to the house. Everything looked as if it had appeared in a catalogue.

Carlisle gestured for us to sit on the love seat. I held my hand out to Bella, guiding her to the seat. He quickly ran upstairs to ask Alice and Emmett to join us.

As we sat down, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close. I need her as close as possible. I was going to need all the strength I had, at that very moment.

After a few moments, Carlisle came down with not only Alice and Emmett, but also with Rose and Jasper. Everyone piled up in the living room, taking up the various seats available to them.

"Everyone," I cleared my throat. "Firstly, I want to apologize to you all for my behavior earlier. I wasn't thinking clearly." I looked down, scared to look at them in the eyes.

After Bella talked to me, I came to realization that _maybe_ I have overreacted and was very disrespectful towards Carlisle, which hit me hard. Carlisle is my father, and I knew I have hurt him, deeply, even though I would never do so intentionally.

"It's alright, Edward. We forgive you. I know things are pretty tough at the moment." Alice reached her hand out and placed it over mine.

I gave her a tight smile. I knew for a fact that the others, apart from Carlisle, were still angry at me, and they deserved to be.

"Emmett," I began," I'm sorry for treating you the way I did. You were nothing but a great brother to me since… ever."

"And you, Jasper. You are a great lad who has always looked out for me. Thank you." I felt my throat tightening and my eyes started to watered. God! I feel like an emotional pussy.

"Rose, I'm not mad at you for what you did anymore. I'm not going to say it was right, but what's done is done. Thank you for everything you've done for my family. You were always on my side whenever Esme decided to go on a 'rampage'."

"Alice, my dear sister, thank you for being the best sister a brother could have." I squeezed her hand.

"Most of all, Carlisle, Dad, thank you for everything. I could never thank you enough. Yes, there are times when things weren't so smooth sailing, but hey, we all made it in one piece," I joked. "You are the reason why I am who I am," I said sincerely. Even though Carlisle didn't seem like a big part of my life because of all the time he spent hiding away from Esme, he was still my father. He gave me opportunities, he sent me to a great school, and he influenced the way I am. I could _never_ hate him, no matter what.

Looking up, I could have sworn that we were in a soap opera show. Each pairs of eyes were clouded with tears, staring intensely at me.

"Finally, I want to tell you how much I love every single one of you, so much. You will always hold a special place in my heart," I paused, taking in a deep breath.

"This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, but I have to, for me. I'm moving out," I finally said after all my rambling. I couldn't help it. I didn't know if I'd ever get to say it again. My days were numbered. Bella had made me realize that there's no use keeping things that you want to tell others till the day you know you were going to die.

"What?" Emmett choked out. The rest just looked shocked, staggered maybe.

"I'm moving in with Bella," I said in a matter-of-fact tone. Nothing could affect my decision. It had already been made. For god's sake, Bella said yes!

"Edward, this is your home," Carlisle spoke up, clearly upset by my revelation.

"I know, Dad. But I just want to spend the rest of my time in a happy place. I'm not saying that you all make me miserable, but I just need to get out. I hope you understand what I mean," I said in a firm voice. I could not explain to them how much this place was hurting me. As I'd said, I had forgiven them, but it still hurt nevertheless.

"Ok. Shall we get packing then?" Alice clasped her hands together, smiling at me. She gave me a tiny nod, acknowledging that she understood what I meant. Have I mentioned how much I love my sister?

"Let's go!" Emmett was the second one to jump up. I think he was still confused by the whole ordeal, but was following Alice's lead because he would do anything for his little sister, even though he may disagree.

And so, it began. No one questioned my decision after that. We just packed, packed and PACKED! We ended up sleeping in my room for the night. And when I mean 'we', it meant all of us! I think Carlisle took the bed because he was the first one to fell asleep _and _because he's an old man, even though he would hate to accept the fact.

*-*-*-*-*-*

By the end of the week, I have officially moved in to Bella's condo, thanks to the help from my family. Surprisingly, they were really supportive. Tonight, Alice was hosting a goodbye party for me, at the Cullens' house.

"Bella," I called out. Bella had been in the damn bathroom for nearly an hour. If she didn't come out in the next ten minutes, I was breaking in.

I had been worried about Bella all freakin' week. She had been acting all secretive, and avoiding my questions. I really wonder what the fuck is up!

I was ready to break the damn door down when it creaked open. There she was, in a stunning navy dress. I know it sounds cliché, but god, she took my breath away.

"That good huh?" Bella said as she came closer.

All I could do was nod, and so I did, nod that is.

Suddenly, Bella pulled me by the shirt and her mouth was instantly latched onto mine.

Damn! Feisty Bella!

"So this is what you've been keeping from me all week?" I mumbled between kisses.

"Mmmm. Surprise?" Bella giggled.

She sure knew how to surprise me. I thought it was something big, something like a surprise pregnancy.

God knows how long we were making out in the hallway for, but Bella slowly ended the kiss. I was ready to carry her to _our_ bedroom and ravish her all night long, but my fantasy came to a brutal end when Bella said, "I know what you're thinking, and if you do that, you'll ruin all of this," she gestured her hand up and down her body. "Which took hours of making, so no. And if you don't listen to me, boyfriend," she narrowed her eyes, "you're not getting _any_ tonight." She gave me an evil grin, before she walked to the door, grabbed her coat and walked out of the place.

I was gob smacked. Who know Bossy Bella would make my boys so excited. I would be silly not to run after her, as if it's impossible to do so in the first place. So, I quickly grabbed my belongings, locked up the condo, and ran after Bella.

_You have no idea, Bella. If I could, I would follow you anywhere, even into the dark._

_

* * *

_

So, I hope you did enjoy the chapter! Please don't forget to **review**. :) More to come, stay tune.

For good rec'c, go to http: // picffcorner . blogspot . com

Also, found this good fic called Exes and Ohs by **Brain in the Gutter. **If you like DILFward, this is for you. Last but not least, Dear John soundtrack is awesome!!!


	18. Chapter 17: Fun House

Hi. Thank you for all of your reviews, favorite and alerts. It means a lot to me that there are a tiny group of people who enjoys my story.

**Thank you to Mel (mcc101180) for her SuperBeta, I'm sorry you have to put up with my crappy gramma Mel. To Coldplaywhore, for giving me lots of pointers (especially the DETAILS) and was willing to read the chapter again and again till it was readable. Without both of you ladies, this chapter would have been a scrap. *group hugs***

**So, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Please, don't forget to review. Would love to hear from you all.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did, I would make Kellan appear in every scene. JS.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 17: Fun House**

On our way down to the underground garage, Bella and I got into a childish fight about cars. I know; it was stupid, right? I wanted to take _my_ Aston Martin for a spin while Bella wanted to take _her _Mazda. I figured since it was mygoodbye party, so I should be the one who's allowed to choose, but in Bella's opinion, she hadn't driven the Mazda since the dinosaurs vanished from the Earth. Her words, not mine. I even rolled my eyes when she said it because Bella seemed to have a tendency to be overdramatic when she really wanted something.

We were still in the midst of our disagreement as we reached _our _parking spaces, yes, I paid extra to have _our _own spaces because there was no way in hell would I let my babies near other cheapos! Neither of us was willing to give in, so we played a game: 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' and this time, Bella won. I swore she chose rock, but then she saw that I was choosing the paper, so she swiftly changed to scissors!

Bella was acting all perky and very Alice-like, as we got into the car. I knew she was very excited to be driving tonight as it has been awhile since she had done so. The peace left me wondering about the fact that Bella and I hadn't done anything fun together in a long time. It made me feel guilty. Bella deserves better than what I'm currently giving her.

Realizing that I'd never taken Bella on a date, nothing even close to a date in fact, which is odd because I was usually a grand gesture type of person, I smacked my forehead with my hand without thinking. The force was a bit harder than I intended, and Bella immediately turned to me and gave me a strange look, I simply shrugged. I had no idea how to explain the idea to her without offending her in some way. I knew exactly how Bella would react. She would go on and on about how she doesn't need me to do anything for her, and that my presence was enough for her. Then, if I rolled my eyes because of her answer, she'd be pissed at me for the rest of the night. Therefore, I'm keeping my mouth shut, thank you very much.

Our drive to the house was made in relative silent. Bella's iPod was plugged into the Bose stereo system, and Coldplay's _The Scientist_ was playing softly in the background. My left hand was on Bella's inner thigh and we were humming contently to the tune. All in all, life was good.

*-*-*-*

"Edward." I heard a faint voice as I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I slowly lift my head up, seeing that we had arrived at the house. Bella had a worried expression on her face as she hovered over me from the driver's seat.

"What's wrong, baby?" I yawned, and knitted my eyebrows together. Why did she looked so, frantic? She definitely was freaking out.

"I've been trying to wake you up for five minutes, but you just wouldn't stir at all. Are you alright, Edward? You look pale. We can go home if you're tired." She brushed her hand across my forehead, feeling my temperature.

"I'm fine Bella," I gave her a reassuring smile. Honestly, I was tired. The whole packing, moving and unpacking thing was getting the better of me. However, I could never tell Bella that. She was very excited about the party, so was the whole family. I didn't want to let them down. I unfastened my seatbelt and ran over to Bella's side to open her door, but felt as if my legs were like jelly. I had to support myself against the car when I finally reached my destination and pulled open the door.

"Always a gentleman," she said as she cupped my face with her left hand when she got out of the car. "I love you," she whispered before standing on her tip toes to give me a kiss. After a few moments, she pulled back. I looked her in the eyes, waiting for an explanation. Why did she stop? Did I do something wrong? "Sorry, my feet were getting tired," she giggled.

I winked at her, before lifting her up to my level to close the gap between us. I captured her mouth between mine and I nibbled on her bottom lip, while she wrapped her legs around me. Before I could make up my mind about driving Bella home and making love to her all night long, Alice walked through the garage door, standing by her precious _new_ Lamborghini.

"Couldn't you just keep your hands to yourselves for one evening?" She tried to sound serious, but a giggle came though, reminding us that Alice could never remain serious for too long. Bella snuggled her face into my chest and I could feel that her cheeks were warmer than usual. This did not help the awkward and very hard, if I may add, situation that was forming in my pants.

"Emmett is getting really agitated. He's hungry." She rolled her eyes. Before I could stop her, Alice grabbed Bella's arm and dragged her past me and into the house. Alice was never the one with any sense of patience, was she?

"Don't forget to umm… fix your pants, Edward." She winked before walking into the house. Ah, the comfort my sister brings me.

I sighed, while adjusting myself. Tonight was going to be a memorable night, I knew it. Locking the car doors, I looked up at the interior of the room in the dark, trying to memorize every detail. Who knows, this may be the last time I get to look at it.

Shaking my head, trying to get rid of the negative thoughts, I walked towards the lighted door that led me into the hallway. _Time to put on your party face, Cullen!_

As soon as I walked into the living room, Emmett yelled out, "At last, the prince has arrived! Now, we can all eat," while he pumped his fist into the air. Emmett will always be… Emmett. With a rather _loud_ announcement of my presence, everyone greeted me, some with hugs while others with kisses. While everyone else was piling food onto their plates, I walked over to the sofa where Bella was seated, and plopped down next to her.

"You're not hungry?" I whispered to her.

"We better let Emmett eat first. He has been moping since I came into the room. Apparently, Rosalie wouldn't let him taste any of the food before we arrived." She faked a cough, trying to disguise her laugh. Thank god Rosalie didn't fall for Emmett's 'super pout power' this time. Every time she cooks, Emmett follows her around like a lost puppy, begging for food, and every time, she would give in because of those sad goofy eyes and the dimples. Rosalie is amazing in the kitchen, and I used to think _no one_ can bake better pies or made homemade spaghetti bolognese than she can, but now that I've tasted Bella's masterpieces, my opinion has changed.

"You two, stop whispering God knows what to each other! Come and eat before Emmett gobbles everything up!" Rose called out to us, earning a laugh from everyone as I rolled my eyes. This was what a family was supposed to be like. This may make me sound like a coldhearted bastard, but I don't miss Esme one bit. Speaking of Esme, where the hell is she? Usually, she'd be seated in the corner, overseeing everything, trying to make everyone uncomfortable. You know the usual.

"Let's get you some food," Bella commented, breaking me out of my thoughts, and she rose from the sofa, taking me with her. Walking to the table that was brought in for the occasion, I grabbed two slices of pizza, some salad and a bottle of beer, but as I turned to Bella, she already had a martini glass in her hand, so I opted for a can of Pepsi instead. It seems like I'm driving the Mazda home tonight.

As we got back to our seats, Carlisle raised his voice, "You're only eating that for dinner, Edward?" His eyes were filled with concern. It wasn't too hard to recognize his expression as I'd seen it a shitload of times since I'd gotten sick.

"I'm not hungry tonight," I shrugged, trying to keep my tone even, despite the irritation that was slowly building inside of me. It wasn't a big deal in my opinion that I wasn't hungry; however I could sense that Carlisle felt differently. I wish people would lay off me and worry about their own lives for once.

"Hey, he is just worried about you." Bella rubbed her hand on my thigh supportively, while trying to reason with me. If I didn't know how closely Bella was observing me, I would have thought she was a mind-reader, my mind-reader.

"I know, but it still bothers me, you know?" I whispered. Bella nodded and gave me a squeeze before turning back to talk to Alice who was seated beside her on the loveseat.

"So, how are you feeling, Edward? Enjoy living with Bella?" Emmett asked, speaking up for the first time since the food had entered his mouth.

"Yep, more freedom and peace. I can breathe now." I smiled at him. Leave it to Emmett to ease the tense atmosphere.

"Really, Edward? Maybe I should persuade Alice to do the same, huh? A place where you can do it whenever, wherever, huh?" Jasper added, probably forgetting that Alice's dad, aka Carlisle, was in the same room.

"Nice try Jasper. It's not going to happen while I'm alive. Please, don't talk about my daughter in that way when I'm in the room. It's disgusting. " Carlisle glared at him, half-amused and half-serious.

"I was joking, Carlisle." Jasper ducked his head, not meeting Carlisle's gaze.

"Yeah, shut up, man. I'm eating, don't you see?" Emmett looked up, pouting, but then went back to finishing his food, disregarding the comment Jasper made earlier.

Unable to hold the laughter in any longer, as the scene in front of me wasn't something that happened in my house often, I burst out laughing, and within thirty seconds, everyone was cracking up.

"God, we're living in a Twilight Zone," Bella commented.

Carlisle nodded, "I haven't had this much fun in a long time," as sincerity rang clear in his voice.

"We should do it more often," Alice said, clearly still recovering from her outburst as she was still out of breath.

"Ok, everyone finished with their dinner? Anyone want brownies and ice cream?" Rosalie asked. For the first time, Rosalie looked directly at me.

I smiled at her and offered, "I'll give you a hand."

"I would like that, I really would." She gave me a motherly smile. For a second, I wished Esme could have been more like Rosalie. No matter how she was, she's still my mother, but I just can't keep wishing for her to be normal.

As Rosalie was telling me to grab the bowls from one of the kitchen cupboards, my eyes flickered out the window. There, I saw a car pulling to a stop. No, not just a car_,_ it was _my_ Mercedes, which I left for her to use. The passenger door flew open and a woman stomped out of the car. Poor Alec, I can imagine her bitching to him all the way back home. I narrowed my eyes, trying to focus on the woman and within a few seconds, I realized that it was Esme.

"Fuck," I blurted out.

"What?" Rosalie turned to me, while placing the ice cream into the microwave to try and soften it.

"The Wicked Witch of the West is here," I said in a monotonous voice. My heart was beating so fast, and my palms were sweaty. I was not ready for the confrontation that was sure to occur. I tried to think of a way I could drag Bella out of the house before Esme could see us, but it was impossible. Esme always had this weird sense; she would notice if someone has been in the house. I called it the _'wacky' sense_.

"Edward, you better go announce the news to the others, so that we're at least prepared for what the crazy bitch is going to do," Rosalie instructed with a stern voice. I could tell she was just as worried as I was. She knew how uncertain Esme's mood was.

I nodded and left the kitchen before I half-ran into the living room and burst out, "Esme just came home." Emmett simply pouted and declared that the fun was over, while Alice just shook her head from side to side. Carlisle instantly picked up his phone and called someone while Bella was instantly at my side and wrapped her arms around me.

"Should we leave Edward?" Her forehead was all creased with worry.

"No, we were here first. It will be alright, baby." I kissed her temple, trying to soothe her and _myself_. You know the feeling you get when you know something horrible is about to happen? The weird vibe around you, the coolness you feel against your spine and how your hands start to tremble? Well, all those feeling were there, at that very moment. I knew that when Esme walks in, it was not going to be _pretty_.

I guided Bella to the loveseat and we sat down. All eyes were directed at the foyer that leads to the main door, and slowly the door crept open, and there she was, in her black evening grown, carrying the black Balenciaga City Bag I bought for her, staring at all of us with her blue accusing eyes.

"What are you doing in my house?" she screeched.

_The Esme has arrived_. _Let the show begin_.

* * *

**That wasn't too bad right? Now, press that _green button_ ladies.. ;) Thanks! **


	19. Esme's Outtake

***NOTE: the song for the chapter has been changed. GB made a stupid mistake. The song was actually for the next chapter! SORRY!***

**Hi ladies! :) I'm so sorry for the lateness! It has been TOO long! My trip to Europe went well! Ok, this is NOT AN ACTUAL CHAPTER. It's an outtake. **

**The actually chapter is coming! They're with my advisor! :P**

**I want to dedicate this chapter to all the Chicas on twitter, all the readers and reviewers. I love you all.**

**Special thanks to Coldplaywhore for her time and advise. :) I love you bb! **

**Special thanks to Mcc101180!! She's a superbeta! *tackled hug***

**Disclaimer: I will never ever own Twilight. SM owns it! This plot is mine. **

* * *

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind  
There was something so pleasant about that place.  
Even your emotions had an echo  
In so much space

**'Crazy' by Gnarls Barkley**

**Esme's Outtake: Crazy**

**Esme's POV**

What do you do when your world is falling apart? When all of your dreams simply just fall apart? Do you just sit on the sidewalk and watch the downfall of your plan? Would you feel hopeless, depressed or would you simply feel numb? I've spent hours after hours planning Tanya's scheme and suddenly they are thrown into the dustbin. It angers me how I'm so close to accomplish my lifelong dream.

Well, that's what I am feeling like and it's all because of Bella Swan.

I had this incredible, yet simple, plan. Sure, I had to give up a human being, a child that was half me and half someone whom I'd always love, but I did it for the money. To the outsider, I may be the unfaithful wife who cheated on her darling husband, but you would never know what really happened on the inside. I sound like a selfish bitch, don't I? Well, you're wrong. I am the most devoted person you'll ever meet. I've done nothing but goodness.

So, why did I cheat on Carlisle all those years ago? It's simple; Carlisle couldn't have given me what I wanted...A child. Something was wrong with one of us; turned out it was him because it became crystal clear that I was able to reproduce. We tried for years and years. Yes, I married Carlisle for love at first, but then I found someone better.

It was all Carlisle's fault; he was the one who made me like this. The Esme whose children hate her and who has to manipulate her own daughter for the greater good. You would never understand how it's like to live in a slum, to have to go through the smelly rubbish bin just to find something I could make money out of. Then, I met Carlisle, and he gave me everything I'd ever wanted: cars, a house, money, you name it. However, the only thing he couldn't give me, a child, anguished my soul to no end. I have always dreamed about having a big white house, a loving husband with children running around while I made dinner for us all. Then came Aro, he offered me something better; while Carlisle was at the hospital at ungodly hours, he offered me fun, entertainment with no attachment. At first Carlisle didn't notice, thinking that I was just having some fun with my girl friends, but then Aro and I found out that we were pregnant.

At first, Aro promised that he would talk to Carlisle for me, and that we could arrange some sort of agreement. Well, that never happened because Carlisle knew that Aro and I had a weakness, money. Aro would have never taken Carlisle's money if he wasn't addicted to gambling. Most of his salary was spent in the casino. Carlisle paid Aro off to never contact me again while he told me what was going to happen to me, without his support. I agreed to give my daughter up then, for the money. I needed it; I could never go back to live in slums. There just simply wasn't an alternative.

I didn't see Tanya again until she was ten. She was just perfect for my Edward and vice versa. He was rich, came from a well-known family and was considered to be high up in the social ladder. It was everything I could have asked for. Of course, Tanya was adopted by great people and they could had given her a world class education, set her in a great place in society, but I knew she had the potential for more, so I introduced myself to her. I kept telling her about all the things she'd gain if she caught Edward's eye and how she would never have to work a single day in her life. I knew the two of them were just perfect for each other, so in high school, I introduced them, but Tanya and I kept the fact that we were related disclosed.

Edward was going to die, and even though it was hard for me to accept, a part of me felt happy that my daughter would probably receive the entire fortune if her and Edward's relationship had stayed solid until he dies. At first, things were going well, and I felt that I'd repented most, if not all, the sins I'd done to my daughter by leaving her, but then they suddenly broke up.

I knew that I would have been able to reunite them together soon, if it wasn't for that Swan girl. She ruined my plan. I cannot understand how Edward could consider her to be more important than my Tanya. I have raised him like my own since Carlisle brought him into our household. Of course, I love all of my children, Tanya, Edward, Emmett and Alice, but it is never wrong to have favorites.

This evening, I came back from a party with Tanya to find Carlisle and the other children having a party for Bella and Edward. I truly do not understand. What was there to celebrate? Edward is dating a girl who is not up to standard. I have not heard of her family name before. Swan, how domestic is that?

As I made my way into the room, no one acknowledged me. Why did they simply just ignore my presence? I have never… Oh, I did lose my temper with Edward once and had revealed my plan, but I know he will come back to my Tanya one day, soon.

Now, I just have to wait for the time, to go by. The Swan girl will be gone soon. I just know it.

* * *

**Like it? Don't forget to review! :) Thanks for reading.**

**P.S. I wish VF would produce another issue of Men of Eclipse... Women of Eclipse is in line.. so why not the men lol? Plus, did you know Kellan Lutz is now on twitter? **


	20. Chapter 18: Policy of Truth

**Hi ladie! :) So, I'm back with the actually chapter! ;) **

**Thanks to Coldplaywhore.. for editing this thing and giving me advices to become a better writer.. *hugs* ILY!**

**Thanks to Mcc101108 for her awesome beta skill. I hope you're not sick of my HORRIBLE grammar.. just yet! *hugs* ILY too! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did, I would have made Bella disappeared.. and all of those Cullen girls JS! LOL**

* * *

Things could be so different now  
It used to be so civilized  
You will always wonder how  
It could have been if you'd only lied

It's too late to change events  
It's time to face the consequence  
For delivering the proof  
In the policy of truth

"**Policy of Truth" by Depeche Mode**

**Chapter 18: Policy of Truth**

**EPOV**

"_What are you doing in my house?" she screeched._

"Obviously, we're not having group sex," Emmett grumbled. In another time, another situation, I would have laughed at his words, but not today, and definitely not when Esme was here.

"Excuse me, Emmett? What did you just say? Apologize now! That made you sound like a lowlife." Esme took a step forward, staring at Emmett face-to-face. What she didn't realize was that Emmett is no longer a twelve year old boy who was scared of his mother. He is now a gigantic man with real muscles. It seemed like that woman did not have any sense of self-preservation if she was planning on starting a fight with Emmett.

"Mother, I think you should stop whatever you're trying to do," I stated. Even though Esme is one crazy bitch, and I know I would probably burn in hell for thinking of the person who raised me in this way, I really do love her. She is and always will be my mother, no matter what. It just saddened me that none of us, Alice, Carlisle, Emmett or me, realized how sick she really is.

"Oh, you do?" She turned to me, giving me the same sickly, sweet smile Tanya does. What can I say? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

"Why do I have to listen to you, Edward? You never took any of my advice, including about her!" she continued and pointed her finger at Bella.

"No, we're not having this discussion, Mother. Her name is Bella and the only reason you dislike her is because she's not your darling Tanya. Well, I'm sorry to break the news to you, but I will never _ever_ get back with Tanya. She's selfish, fake and simply disgusting! So, stop! Stop planning all that crap in your mind. If you truly love Tanya, you will do what is good for her. You don't have to love Emmett, Alice or me, because we know that deep down inside, you only care for your blood relationship. Stop putting on the façade."

I paused, looking around to see that everyone was staring at us. Emmett had an amused smirk on his face, while Rose was trying to hold her laughter in. Alice had her mouth in an "O" shape, looking pretty shocked. In this lifetime, I have never ever lost my patience with Esme. Like Dad, I am a calm person, well, I try to be. With all the insane things happening in my life at once, I would have gone crazy if I wasn't calm and collected. Carlisle was rubbing his temples while Esme was playing with her fingernails. Then my head turned to my Bella; she was my strength to carry on. I needed to have this conversation with my mother. She needed to hear it from me. I want her to get help. I want Carlisle to finally realize that she needs help. When Bella noticed I was looking at her, she gave me a nod, signaling that I should continue.

I breathed in one more time before continuing, "Mother, if you think money is so important to you, name the price. I am willing to pay if it will make you stop doing this nonsense and get you the help you need." By the time I finished speaking my mind, I was huffing. The whole argument was wearing me out. I walked over to the sofa Bella was sitting on and she reached her hand out to mine, squeezing it tightly to let me know that she was there for me.

"Esme," Carlisle finally spoke up. Esme ignored his call and continued to glare at me.

"Esme," Carlisle repeated, with more volume this time while she continued to ignore him.

"Esme, listen to me!" Carlisle finally let his anger get the better of him. There's no way to put out the fire now. Fuck, what did Emmett put in my drink? It's making me go all nutty and weird. My head was hurting and the world won't stop spinning.

"Baby, are you alright? You're wobbling." You know how in movies, when someone gets really drunk, their hearing would be all delayed and echoed? Well, they aren't shitting ya because that shit was happening to me right at that very moment.

"I just need to sit down," I mumbled as Bella led me to the sofa while Esme and Carlisle continued arguing in the background. Bella then excused herself to go off to the bathroom, probably feeling sick of Esme screaming and throwing things around. It's horrible how such a happy, enjoyable night had turned so sour.

After a while, the room became still and my headache was almost gone; I was ready to head home. However, karma had another plan for me because in walked Tanya.

"Hi Edward." She greeted me with a kiss on the cheek before I could react. Thank goodness that Bella was using the bathroom or else all hell might have broken loose.

"Tanya, don't touch me ever again. Now, I hope this is the last time I'll ever see you, so I'm going to say this once. You are nothing to me. Stop trying to trick me into a relationship. I know about your and Esme's plan. Tanya, money can't buy happiness, you know? When I was with you, at first, you were a great person, Tan. You were fun to be around, kind and genuine. Then things really started to change. My guess is that you met Esme and she was probably feeding you ridiculous ideas and get rich quick schemes." I stopped then, looking into Tanya's eyes for confirmation of my assumptions. After a few seconds, Tanya nodded her head. I sighed, not knowing what to say. I felt sick, Esme truly disgust me, but I was also disgusted with myself. What kind of a person am I if I hate my own mother, the woman who raised me?

"Edward," Tanya spoke up, her voice quivering in the process. "Did you love me then?" she asked, tears falling out of her eyes.

"I did love you once upon a time, but then you walked out when I found out I was sick. That was cold, Tanya, but the saddest thing was you coming back for my money. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You don't need a man, Tanya, you are a talented person. Make yourself proud. Don't follow Esme around. She's no good for you. Love what is good for you, Tanya." I gave her a half-hearted smile before walking off to the sofa, waiting for my Bella to come back to me.

I didn't want to give too many details of my time with Tanya. The truth was, I was miserable. I thought Tanya was 'the one', of course I had no idea that Bella existed or the fact that the feelings I had for Tanya could not be compared to my feelings for Bella.

At first, when Tanya broke up with me, I was depressed. Esme was always complaining about how the break up was my fault. Esme even convinced me to purchase Tanya a diamond bracelet as an apology. However, I was not dumb enough to go through with Esme's suggestion. I was not going to spend thousands of dollars on a gift for Tanya. Not when she was the one who broke up with me in the first place. Most of all, she broke up with me over money! It was _my _money after all.

After a minute or so, Bella walked quietly back into the living room, while Carlisle and Esme _still_ argued. She gave me a confusing look on and I raised my eyebrows, silently asking her what was wrong.

"Esme, you need to do what I ask you, please? You need help." Carlisle literally begged. His voice sounded so powerless. I know that by making Esme get help he was breaking his heart. I know he never asked Esme to do anything she didn't want to, except that time concerning Tanya. I really cannot imagine what it would be like to be in Carlisle's position. It's as if he was suffocating. The whole situation was really tearing him apart.

"Help?" Esme scoffed. "I don't need help, Carlisle Cullen. Now you listen to me, all I need is money. It's everything I need. I can buy anything with it. You can't fix me, Carlisle. I have been broken for too long." The last sentence truly did tear my heart out. I know Esme had gone through a lot and had suffered a thousand times more than I had, but I wished that she wouldn't throw all of this back in Carlisle's face. She knows that her husband loves her. However, I was not so sure when it's the other way around. Once upon a time, yes, Esme was in love with Carlisle, but so many things had gone wrong, and I know for a fact that people do fall out of love. I think that Carlisle did the wrong thing by holding on to Esme for so long, but then, if this was turned around and it was Bella and I in that situation, I wouldn't have been able to let her go either.

"Tanya walked out, crying," Bella started explaining, trying to make conversation with me to lighten the mood. When I turned to her for more explanation, she shrugged, not telling me what she was really thinking. Bella was always good at keeping her thoughts to herself, but I knew I'd get it out of her soon enough.

Before I could reply, Esme screamed out, "Fine, you're a bastard, Carlisle. Fuck you, all of you!" Then she stomped upstairs and slammed her bedroom door shut.

"That was interesting," Carlisle said as he let out a sigh while everyone was left in a shock from Esme's outbreak. "I'm sending Esme to a private psychiatric home. She needs help, as we all know," he tried to explain. I truly do feel sorry for my father. Like me, he loved Esme unconditionally, no matter what she has done to him… to us. I gave him a hug, trying to comfort him. He had no one to go to, while I had Bella, Emmett had Rosalie, and Alice had Jasper.

"It needed to be done, Dad. I'm sorry," Emmett said.

"You should say goodbye to her. The hospital I'm taking her to is in New York. I'll be back when I can; I just want to make sure Esme gets settled in first." He sighed again and glanced up, looking me in the eyes. It was almost too haunting to look at him. His eyes were filled with anguish, pain, and loss.

"Why do I have a feeling that you won't be back, Dad? Tell me that you will come back. I need you here with me." I grabbed onto his arm. I really couldn't lose him; I couldn't lose another parent. He simple shrugged and walked off to get Esme.

The departure of Esme was somewhat of a relief to us all. The peace and quiet we have longed for was finally here, but why was my heart becoming heavier and heavier as the red tail lights faded away from me?

"Dad's not going to come back. You know that right, Edward?" Emmett said while his head was hung down, and I could see tears leave his eyes. The only time I had ever saw Emmett cry in my life was when we were younger and Esme said some horrible things about his biological parents. Emmett and Esme's relationship was never the same after that. They barely talked since the incident.

"I know. He'll be wherever Esme is. He'll follow her wherever she goes, no matter what," I added.

I couldn't say I didn't see this coming. I knew Esme would have to go away at some point, and that Carlisle was going to go with her. I knew now that you could never leave your true love. No matter what, your souls are always connected. However, I cannot say that I am alright with Carlisle leaving. He is my father, and I love him dearly. I wanted to spend the time I had left with him doing the things we hadn't done, saying the things we had yet to say, but I couldn't keep him here, I never can. This was the best alternative.

I want him to be happy because I owe him so much. He was always there when I had a problem. Carlisle was at every doctor's appointment after I was diagnosed with leukemia. He spent hours researching and looking for a way to hurt the demon. I think when I told him that I no longer wanted to treat the cancer, he finally realized that there was no way of keeping me alive. Sure, Carlisle is a protective father, but not overprotective like Esme. Carlisle knew that I was going to be just fine with Bella beside me, I know it. We will be alright, in time.

"Daddy," Alice whispered, talking for the first time since Esme arrived.

* * *

That night, in the driveway of the Cullens' six people huddled in a group, crying for the loss of Carlisle Cullen.

All of them knew that he would never come back to Los Angeles, because they knew that Esme Cullen would not get better. All of them knew that no matter where Esme Cullen was, Carlisle Cullen would be behind her, in the shadow looking after her.

They did not know if they would ever see the Cullen parents again. One can only hope that they did.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please don't forget to REVIEW! :) Hope you have enjoyed it! **

**I want you all to now, go check out PIC FF Corner ;) A dear friend of mine has been reviewed! *cough* Jenny0719 *cough* this Wednesday**

**Fic rec'c: The Rules of Hollywood by Suzie55. Check that out also.**

**If you want to add me on TWITTER: I'm gossip_bangkok**

**On another news, GB is moving to Japan in September.. ;) **

**Till the next time, thanks for reading!!! *hugs***


	21. Chapter 19: Second Guessing

**Hi everyone. Sorry for being late again. I think most of you would have heard about what's going on in Thailand. Please keep your prayers for the innocent people. **

**Ally, known as AllyinPerth **(on twitter) or **ChampagneAnyone **(on FFn) has suggested that she wanted me to write an outtake for this story for FGB. It's an alternative ending. (HEA or Unhappily Ever After, it's a surprise) I will not be posting the alternative ending I'm about to write. So, for those of you who will bid for me, you'll get to know if the end will be HEA or UHEA. If you are interested, please contact Ally. I am a bit clueless about this whole thing. I'm waiting for some interest as I haven't sign up for the FGB yet.

**Thanks to Coldplaywhore **for her super advice and help with the story lines. *hugs* ILY!

**Thanks to Jenny0719 **for her help with the chapter! ILY bb! So grateful for your help! I love our daily talk!

**Thanks to Mcc101180 **for her super beta. I heart her as she tells me what is working and what is not! ILY, too!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did, I would make Bella love Louboutins and Vera Wang! :P**

Oh! Happy Rob-on-Ellen Wednesday! I'm jealous of that girl who gets to 'feel him' ;)

Thanks for all of your support, review, alerts, favorites. They all made my day! :)

**

* * *

Chapter 19: Second Guessing**

_Well I've been running from something_

_Twenty years in the cold_

_Down a road that was leading to nowhere_

'_Twenty Years' by Augustana_

**EPOV**

Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, and days turn into weeks.

I looked out our twentieth floor window, wondering what the people milling around outside were up to these days. I hadn't left the condo in a week; I couldn't bring myself to. I was lost, and I didn't know if anyone—even Bella—could find me here in the darkness.

Carlisle hadn't called since he'd left. I checked with the airlines and they assured me that the plane he and Esme was on had landed safely in New York. Why hadn't he called? He didn't have to call me, but he could have called Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, or Jasper. My fist tightened involuntarily and I suddenly wanted to punch through the window. The thought of seeing the glass shattered into a million pieces somehow soothed me, oddly enough. I was so angry at Carlisle for leaving and not calling, and at Esme for being the reason Carlisle had to leave. But most of all, I was angry at myself for allowing them to leave. I was angry at everything.

I didn't know how long I sat next to the window staring out into the world I was no longer a part of, all the while keeping my fist tight, before Bella came and sat on the floor next to my chair.

"How long are you going to sit here, Edward? Can you please tell me what's wrong?" she asked warily.

"Nothing's wrong," I replied without looking at her. I didn't know what else to say to her. It's not that I didn't want to answer Bella's question, more that I couldn't. I didn't know what's wrong. I just felt so tired and lost. I was never the one to ask this question, but, what the fuck am I doing in this world? Why does everyone I'd loved just left? First, it was my parents, and now, Carlisle and Esme were gone too.

Before Carlisle left I thought all I needed was Bella, but I was quickly finding out that wasn't true. Of course, I needed Bella in my life, but I also needed my family. You need different kinds of love in your life to survive. Love may not be able to buy you shelter or food, but it can make you feel warm on the coldest of days. I had a feeling that Alice and Emmett might've felt the same way.

"Something's wrong, Edward." Bella hissed. Bella was never one with much patience. Normally, I would have calmed her down, but not today. I couldn't. I didn't have the energy to explain to her how I wished I was dead, and I definitely did not have the energy to explain to Bella how angry I am with Carlisle. How could he just pack everything and leave? As if Emmett, Alice and I had no significant in his or Esme's life.

"Nothing's wrong," I repeated quietly, perhaps trying to convince myself while answering Bella.

However, she never answered back; instead, she stood up and left. I was thankful then that she left. I wanted the solitude, the quietness, the peace. The world seemed to be lacking those qualities these days.

I stared out the window until the sun went down. I didn't realize how long I've remained unmoving until the sun started to shine again. A new day, yet still no phone call.

I no longer knew what day or time it was. I should've cared enough to look, but I didn't. I felt empty, depressed, sad, and angry. I didn't understand why Carlisle wouldn't call. I didn't understand why I was sad that Esme was finally gone. I should've been jumping with joy and I should've been having celebration sex with Bella now that the obstacle in our lives was gone. I wanted to do that, for Bella, but I couldn't. I didn't have the energy.

I wished I could yell out for someone to save me but yet again, I couldn't, because at the end of the day, no one could save me from what I was feeling except myself.

I got up from the chair by the window sill in the living room, wanting to lie down in bed. I slowly dragged my half-dead self to the bedroom, but before I could enter I felt a soft hand on my arm.

"Edward, we need to talk," the sad voice behind me said.

"I don't want to." I ignored Bella and walked into the bedroom.

I realized Bella wasn't going to let me go to bed as I heard her footsteps following me into the room.

"Edward…" she began.

"I don't want to talk, alright? Fuck off, Bella!" I stopped her midway without facing her. I didn't want to hear what she had to say. I was too tired, too sick of this world.

To me, cancer wasn't only ravaging my physical being, but it also destroyed me on an emotional and psychological level. I feel so tired all the damn time. If I spend a day out, I would always have to come back for an afternoon nap, or else I couldn't function. My appetite, the word 'horrible' couldn't even describe it. I could barely eat these days. Sure, Bella tried to stuff food down my throat, but every time I had more than a bowl of soup, I felt sick. Every week, I seemed to be battling yet another bout of the flu. Walking to places seemed to be impossible as I'm always out of breath. Nosebleeds, which rarely occur to others, are something I have to live with every day. I don't think I own a simple white shirt that is free from blood stains. I have to take thirteen different kinds of vitamins each day, just so I am healthy enough to stay out of the hospital. This isn't how I chose to live my life. This isn't how I want Bella, the person I love the most, to live hers. It's not fair, and I wish that I didn't have to live this way any longer. I want to be… free.

"You want me to go?" she asked quietly as her voice trembled.

I didn't reply. Half of me wanted her to go and leave me alone, while the other half wanted her to hug me tightly and tell me it was going to be alright. I didn't know what to do, what to say. This whole situation was fucked up.

"I guess that silence is the answer then." Bella walked off, crying. I didn't even bother to look then.

After a few minutes, I heard the front door slam.

I wanted to run after her and tell her how sorry I was for making her cry, but I didn't. I never had the intention to make her cry. I wanted to stand up and wrap my arms around her, but I couldn't. I was too tired. It took half of my energy just to get up from a seated position. This life is draining me; it's killing me.

I plopped myself down onto the bed, facing upward. I stared at the ceiling, wondering why life couldn't be perfect for once.

'Couldn't I be happy for once before I die?' I wondered.

Tears trickled down my cheeks. Unable to hold it in any longer, I cried out loud. I cried for Carlisle, Esme, Bella, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and most of all, for me.

"How do I move on from this?" I wondered out loud as I groaned with frustration. I had no answer for that question. I rolled over and stared at the wall, letting everything around me blur, until I could no longer keep my eyes open and finally drifted into the welcome, black oblivion of sleep.

_Smack_. I swear I was dreaming. I rolled onto my side. _Smack._ I felt it again; I could have sworn I was dreaming.

I turned face down onto the pillow.

* * *

_Smack_. Nope, I wasn't dreaming. Someone was smacking me… Hard.

I opened my eyes slowly, hoping that it was just a dream, only to find that shockingly enough, Emmett was sitting beside me on the bed. I looked over to bedside table and grabbed my watch. I stared at him with all the hatred I had in me.

_Why the hell was he here? At three in the fucking morning? _

I opened my mouth to speak but before I could, Emmett grabbed my right arm firmly. I wailed out in pain. Fuck, I swear the power Emmett was using to grip my arm was enough to crush a rock into hundreds of pieces.

"What are you doing? Why did Bella drive to my place at midnight crying?" He gritted his teeth.

'_Ok, someone didn't get take their happy pills_ today,' I thought.

"Answer me, Edward," Emmett demanded as he shook me awake.

"I don't know," I muttered. My mind was blank and I just wanted to go back to bed. Emmett's breathing started to get louder and louder. I was waiting for him to punch my face or something, but the punch never came. Instead, Emmett stomped off so loudly that I wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors complained in the morning. I breathed out and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take over me, thinking that Emmett was gone. Suddenly, I felt cold water being splashed onto my face. I jumped out of bed, shocked by the temperature.

"What the fuck?" I yelled out, knowing that it was Emmett's doing. What the hell did I do to him? It was bloody freezing! And thanks to my _super_ healthy lung, I started to cough.

"Now, you're up motherfucker," he yelled back, not caring that I was coughing to death.

"What's going on? Why the hell did you do that?" I asked as smoothly as I could as I still was coughing.

"You weren't listening to me, Edward," he retorted with a blue bucket in his hand.

'_Where the fuck did he find the bucket?' _

"Edward!" Emmett screamed at the top of his lungs. I was shocked that Emmett's normal voice was loud. Emmett yelling was almost too loud for my ears.

"What?" I asked, frustrated. I did not understand why he was so angry. Thank God I'd stopped my coughing fit by then or else, I swear I would've been coughing up my lung tissue by now.

"I said that Bella came to the house, crying in the middle of the night! And you were nowhere to be found. So, here I am." Emmett raised his eyebrows, and his eyes grew serious. "What did you do, Edward?"

I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up fully, before leading him into the living room. I then told him about what I'd been like for the whole week. Even though I didn't want to, I had to or else knowing Emmett, he would torture the crap out of me until I gave in.

'_That and I wouldn't want to damage my pretty face, of course.'_ It's not like I look good these days. I have bloody cancer to thank for that.

After I told Emmett about what I've done to Bella, Emmett punched me on the arm and said, "You selfish prick. How could you ignore Bella for the entire week? Haven't you considered her feelings as well? Do you think you're the only one who's upset by what happened?"

After what Emmett said, I thought about my behavior toward Bella all week. I start thinking about my ignorance for her presence, how I wouldn't talk to her about anything, and how I was aiming my hatred at her. It wasn't on purpose, of course; I didn't even realize it until I thought about it. I was just so angry with the world. I just didn't understand why all of this crap was happening to me when I had given up since I wasn't going to fight death. Why couldn't things just go the way I wanted them to, for once?

Then, I started to think backward. What if I was Bella, and she was me. It was as if a light bulb had been switched on in my head. I suddenly understood how Bella must have been feeling. If I was Bella, I would hate me, so damn much. She doesn't deserve someone like me. She deserves someone who will never hurt her, who cherishes her, however, for some stupid reasons, she chose me, the selfish prick.

I was ridden with guilt for acting like a self-indulged asshole this week. I did not care about her or the others like I thought I did. I only cared about myself. I was so concerned with my feelings, and how I wanted to die. However, I totally disregarded my heart, my soul's feelings and well being. I needed to fix this immediately, because if I didn't, I would lose the most important thing in my life, and I would never be able to live with what I've done.

I looked up at Emmett, silently pleading with him. "Emmett," I said.

It took Emmett a few seconds to click, but once it did, he shook his head, and said, "No way in hell I'm helping you, man. Rosalie is going to cut off my Emmett Jr. if I do. She's very pissed off with you, by the way."

Fuck. Pissed off Rosalie was not good. In more than one occasion, she had been willing to sacrifice her best Louboutins. I've seen it in action with James, her photographer for one of the bikini shoots, he kept making stupid remarks about Rosalie. By the end of the shoot; you could see a shoe mark on his face.

"Well, I'm not going back there." I shook my head. No way in hell I'm going to face the pissed off glamazon.

"Do you want your Bella back in your arms?" Emmett snapped.

"Yes," I muttered, hanging my head low, ashamed by what I'd done to her in the past week.

"Then, off we go." Emmett made a gesture for me to lead him out of the house. I quietly got up from the couch, my tired body aching and betraying me as I grabbed my keys from the front table. After Emmett walked out of the front door, I locked it.

_The next time I walk through this door, please let it be with Bella, _I prayed in my head.

As we waited for the elevator, Emmett spoke up, "Edward, I knew you would do the right thing. You cannot let Bella go, man. She's good for you."

His words somehow unsettled me, because I didn't know if I would ever do the right thing. What was the right thing? Was it me choosing to die and leaving Bella behind? I began to wonder what would happen to her after that. Would she be able to live without me? If it was me, I wouldn't be able to watch my soulmate die, no matter what. I would put up a fight; I would do anything I possibly could to save her. Does Bella feel the same way? Then, was I doing the right thing? By giving in to death, without fighting because I'm afraid to have hope. I don't want to hope when it is likely to come crashing down.

I thought the right thing was just to live till my very last moments, but when Bella came into my life, all of those plans disappeared. I found happiness, love and companionship. The dark sky I lived under was no more. I was living in a sunny land where Bella was the Sun, the center of _my_ universe.

So now, what is the right thing? What do I do? Will I be able to leave her when the time comes? Am I ready for that?

* * *

**I hope you liked it! Please take a few seconds to REVIEW! It will mean the world to me. I hope all the violence in Thailand will stop soon. Can't go out... :( My hearts are with the soldiers who are out on the streets with their lives on the line. **


	22. Chapter 20: Change of Heart

**Hi there everyone. I know, I'm a month late. RL has been really HECTIC because I'm taking a Japanese class which practically is taking over my life. Anyway, it's finally here. I hope you'll enjoy it.**

**Thank you to those who has read, reviewed, favorited and alerted! :)**

**Thanks to JennyB0719 for helping me with this story. Thank you for your encouragement bb! *hugs* ILY!**

**Thanks to Coldplaywhore for reading this thing and made it into a story! You're amazing. *hugs* Love ya!**

**Thanks to the darling Mcc101180 for beta'ing this! She's uber fast and I LOVE HER! **

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight. If I did, James wouldn't be killed by Edward. *whispers* I think Cam is UBERHOT! :)

**One more thing, if you want an outtake (alternative ending) on this story, contact AllyinPerth (ChampaignAnyone) as I will be writing the outtake for Fandom Gives Back. **

* * *

_**Chapter 20: Change of Heart**_

**EPOV**

The car ride with Emmett was a quiet one. I think we both didn't know what to say to each other, as I was literally shaking from nervousness. Emmett just kept chuckling as he drove up to our house. He was probably thinking I was freaking out and that I'm a 'pussy,' which was pretty much spot on, as much as I'd hate to admit it.

I thought about all of the different outcomes that could happen with Bella and me, and I realized there were only two answers. The first one being that Bella would break up with me because she just couldn't handle my stupidity anymore and the second one being that she would listen to me apologize over and over and then agree to come home with me. I was looking at a fifty percent chance that I was going to lose Bella, but on the upside, it was still possible for me to win her back, right?

I started dozing off when I felt the car pull to a stop. I looked out the window and got a bit confused. Why was Emmett going into the twenty-four hour supermarket? Was he going grocery shopping at four in the morning? Without an explanation, he got out of the car and walked into the store while I waited patiently, even though I was still confused. After a long while, Emmett came back to the car with a bag filled of baked goodies and six cups of various kinds of coffee.

I guess after so many years with Rose, my brother knew what to do when it came to the 'make up' part of the relationship.

I got out of the car to help him and I gave him a quick nod of approval before opening the door for him. We got the goods in the back, the coffee in my hands, and off we went to la casa.

Emmett didn't bother to park the car in the garage, opting for the driveway instead. I love my brother! The faster I could get to the house, the faster I could talk to Bella.

Walking up to the house seemed to be a much more difficult task than usual. I was huffing and felt like I'd run three miles rather than walked on a less than five hundred meter driveway. I inhaled deeply to slow my breathing before opening the front door. There was no need to knock as the lights were still on in the house, so they probably already knew that Emmett and I had arrived.

"Hello," I yelled out, anxiety coursing through my veins, needing something, anything to break the silence. The house was somewhat eerie and a bit frightening; it seemed so empty without Carlisle and Esme. I tried not to think about them. I'd finally realized that it was time to move on, as Carlisle had. He sacrificed himself for all of us. None of us could ever be happy with Esme and vice versa. He no longer lived with the past, the past with Esme cheating on him. He was now moving forward, because at the end of the day we all had to live on no matter what happened last year, last month, or yesterday. It's just the way life is.

As I walked though the house looking for Bella and Rosalie, I felt as if I was ten times heavier than I was. I was ridden with guilt because I had mistreated and hurt my Bella. I was so disgusted with myself because Bella was always there for me yet I pushed her away, even though I needed her with me forever.

Climbing the stairs took more effort than it normally did, but I guess it was normal for a person who literally hadn't slept in days.

First, I checked my old room, and luck seemed to be on my side this morning because there was Bella, resting peacefully on the uncovered mattress. Her skin looked translucent against the light. Her expression was heartbreaking. She looked completely distraught, thanks to stupid Edward Cullen. Wait, that's me…

I crawled into bed next to her, placed one hand on her back as I scooted closer to her and breathed in her strawberry scent while running my fingers through her hair. I used my other hand to caress her cheek. The gesture may seem inconsequential to others, but to me, to be able to watch my angel sleep, it was a gift, something that I would do forever if I had the time.

I hadn't even realized I'd started crying until I felt my tears fall down my face. All I ever did was hurt the people who loved me. I'd hurt my family by being selfish and choosing to not fight against the disease. I was selfish because I made all of them, including Carlisle and Esme, watch me die slowly. I was selfish by falling in love and being with Bella, even though I knew I was going to leave her behind soon.

I've never done anything for my family, for Bella, and yet, they have sacrificed so much for me. I mean, Alice came back home for me. The reason she left to go to school in New York was that she couldn't stand Esme. Don't get me wrong, we all love Esme, but she was very hard to live with. As for Emmett and Rosalie, they wanted to spend time with me rather than on planning their wedding. They had even pushed back their dates a few times. I knew Rosalie has never accepted the fact that I was going to die. I mean, she hoped that I would somehow change my mind and decide to receive treatment. As for Emmett, I really don't know what's going on in his head. I think he's embraced the reality that my time on this earth is limited.

Then there was Jasper; I think he's the most supportive friend I could ever have asked for. He once told me that it's my choice. At first, Jasper did suggest that I should have given the chemo a try, but after a while, I guess he gave in. I wouldn't listen to a word he had to say when the word 'cancer' was involved.

Lastly, there was Bella. She could have just left when I told her about my illness, like Tanya, but instead, she stayed knowing that I would soon leave her. It overwhelmed me how supportive all of these people were. They really were going to watch me die, and I think that's what unconditional love is like. They give me so much, but I haven't been there for any of them in their times of trouble.

I never stuck up for Alice or Emmett when Esme yelled at them for no reason, because I was selfish. I didn't want to get involved. I could never thank Rose enough for what she has done. I still think the secret she kept from me was not the right way to go, but then, we all handle situations differently.

Maybe, just maybe, I could try and fight the cancer for them. There was nothing left to lose. I wasn't ready to die, not yet. I was lying to myself the whole time by saying that I was ready to let everything go. However, that was because I had yet to find Bella then.

I stayed in that position until the sun was in the sky. Bella had yet to wake up; I guess she hadn't had much sleep either. However, as I started to climb out of bed, her eyelids fluttered open.

When our eyes connected, both of us froze. I stilled because I didn't know what to say to her. I was waiting to assess her reaction first. Bella was all about doing the unexpected, and that's one of the things that is so great about her. For all I knew, she could throw the lamp that was on the bedside table at my head. Now that I thought about it, I remembered the time when she wanted to have jelly for breakfast. Since I could never deny her anything, that's exactly what we did. I drove for thirty minutes to get to a grocery store which opened early enough. It was one of my favorite moments with Bella because it reminded me of one of the many reasons why I love Bella, her unexpected and spontaneous nature. She does what she wants because apparently 'life is too short, and if you don't follow your heart and do whatever you want, then it's not a life.' Bella always makes me feel alive and she fills me with a joy that I never imagined I could feel.

I gave her an awkward wave and a pleading smile as the Edward Cullen's 'get Bella back' plan had commenced. She rubbed her eyes, shook her head, and looked at me in confusion.

"Ummm, I'm sorry?" Shit. That was me trying to apologize? I was failing miserably. The confused looking Bella instantly turned into a very pissed looking Bella.

"You did not just ask me if you're sorry. Seriously? Why are you here if you don't know what you're sorry for, huh?" Bella crossed her arms as I squirmed uncomfortably. This Bella is a lot scarier than the Bella I had gotten to know.

"I do know why. I... am sorry," I replied awkwardly. By the time I finished the sentence, Bella had leaned in so close to me that our noses were almost touching. I thought Bella was going to kiss me. Yeah, that was a really stupid hypothesis because not long after that, she slapped me twice. Nope, three… Nope, four times.

"Now, I'm ready to listen to you." She repositioned herself so that she was leaning back against the headboard and crossed her arms defensively.

"I've always thought about Esme leaving us, but never once, Carlisle. He has been my rock since I found out about the cancer. He was always there for me when I needed him. He was there at every doctor's appointment, he was there when I was sick, he was there for everything, and now, he's not. I just couldn't believe that he just left. It hurts even more that he didn't call any one of us to let us know that they're safe. Throughout the week, I've been thinking about the situation over and over. I was thinking about how I could have changed the past. Maybe I could have been nicer to Esme and then maybe she wouldn't have lost her mind and Carlisle wouldn't have left. Carlisle's departure didn't only affect me, but also Alice and Emmett. We just lost our father, Bella." I paused.

"Why didn't you let me in, Edward? I know what it is like to lose your family. I know. You can't change the past, Edward. No matter how much you want to. It's life and you have to be able to move on," she commented before gesturing for me to keep talking.

"This made me realize that people do change. Look at Esme. She used to love Carlisle, but then, she didn't. People fall out of love, and it made me fear that you might do the same. I would let you go Bella, if you do fall out of love with me. I love you enough to do so." I looked into her eyes, wanting her to know that I was serious. I would never want Bella to feel trapped in our relationship. I would never want Bella to feel like Esme.

"Are you crazy? Why would you think that I would leave you? Let alone cheat on you? Listen to me carefully, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." She paused as she tried to control her breathing. Her face became redder as anger surged through her. "I understand why you pushed me away, but I wish you wouldn't. I would never leave you, you know that. I know you think you're the most self-centered monster on this planet because I have to watch you die, but it's my choice. I choose to do it because I would rather have this time with you than no time at all." Bella's voice filled with sadness. She then crawled over to me and gave me a hug. It may seem too simple to others, but just like that, I was forgiven. I knew there were still many subjects that we had to discuss, but for now, I just wanted to hold Bella in my arms.

"Hellooooo. Bella? Edward?" A very familiar voice rang outside the door.

"Please, not now, Alice," Bella mumbled. I didn't know how, but Bella and I fell asleep holding each other. It was now noon and it was probably a good time to have a family talk. The entire family deserved an explanation, and I wanted to talk to everyone about my deciding to receive treatment for cancer and why I'd changed my mind.

"Come on, it's either us getting up or Alice barging in." I tried to give her a quick kiss, but Bella wouldn't have it and started nibbling on my bottom lip. My brain switched off immediately and my suddenly rock hard anatomy became my new brain. I flipped Bella onto her back, and as I unfastened the buttons of her jeans, the door was shoved open.

Fucking Alice.

"I… ewww. I counted to a hundred, you guys," she scolded as she walked toward us.

"Get up, and Bella, please button up your jeans." Yes, Alice can be very bossy… No, scratch that, she was always bossy.

"Alice, why now?" Bella pouted. I wouldn't say this to Bella, but I was somewhat happy that Alice had stopped us. The next time I made love to Bella, I wanted it to be perfect, not because it was in the heat of the moment. Yes, how chivalrous of me, but Bella deserved it. Well, she actually deserved so much more, but I had to start somewhere.

"Why now? What? It's noon. Believe me, the entire household has been very patient." She winked at Bella, before grabbing my arm, and dragging me out of bed. I couldn't help but wonder what the heck Alice ate in the morning? She definitely has a strong grip for a girl who stands only five feet two inches tall. Was Emmett making her protein shakes? I winced at her grip and predicted that a bruise would be forming.

"Oh, shit. Are you alright, Edward? Shit, I forgot…"Alice stammered nervously. She never got to finish the question as I gave her a clipped 'I'm fine.' I hated that no matter how hard everyone tried to act normal around me, they could never do that one hundred percent. Something would always happen to remind us that death wasn't so far away.

"Let's go," Bella said, oblivious to the interaction between Alice and I. Alice jumped out of her thoughts and skipped out of the room as Bella and I followed her. We walked down to the kitchen where everyone was seated perfectly. It was obvious that they were waiting for us to descend.

"Hi, everyone," I spoke up.

"Bella." Rosalie acknowledged only Bella as we sat down while the others gave us a nod. All the food in front of me was mouthwatering; the muffins, toast, bacon and eggs, all smelled heavenly.

"So, what's up, guys?" I asked, meekly. I tried to act as if nothing had happened because for one, I knew Rosalie was pissed and I didn't want to fuel her outbreak. I think I'd done enough damage for the day.

"Oh ok, Edward. You're being such a douche right now. You're going to act as if last night never happened? Ok. Well, I guess that I should forget the fact that Bella drove here in the middle of the night crying because you ignored her for the past week. Oh, should I also forget the fact that you've been ignoring your family for the past week, too? No explanation, no nothing. This isn't only about you, Edward." Rosalie got up, ready to leave, when Emmett grabbed her arm.

"Emmett, let me go," she furiously told her fiancé. I understood her sudden shift in demeanor; Rose was always the one who hated being left out of things, plus I think she knows how important Bella is to me. It would break my heart if Bella leaves and Rose knew that. That's why she wanted to know what was going on. I mean, the whole family is involved in the affair now, since Bella came over to their place in the middle of the night.

"Rose, don't go. I was going to explain everything. Can I please eat first?" I pleaded. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I saw all of the food on the kitchen counter. My stomach was grumbling lowly and I knew I needed to eat something soon or I would have no energy left for the rest of this confrontation, let alone the rest of the day.

"Fine." Rosalie huffed and sat down. The frown didn't leave her face even though I'd said that I would explain soon.

"Finally, let's eat!" Emmett yelled out. At least the old Emmett was back, that's got to count for something, right?

Brunch passed fairly well even though Rosalie was extra icy to me, and I could tell she was pissed at Bella for forgiving me so easily. I thought maybe she was jealous of Bella and my ability to make up with each other. Usually, when Rosalie fought with Emmett, they would spend a couple of days apart. However, they rarely fought these days. The whole 'getting engaged' thing seemed to have made them all soft, like marshmallows.

I suggested that we should use the living room for the discussion because the chair was hurting my back. I wanted to sit on something that was soft and comfortable before I threw myself to the wolves. I knew Rosalie was going to be beyond angry when she heard my explanation, so if she decided to launch herself at me, at least I would land on something cushioned. As everyone got seated, I told the family about everything I'd been feeling since Carlisle and Esme had left. The loneliness, the anger, the pain, everything that I'd bottled up for the past week had somehow almost vanished as my explanation came to an end. Everyone would nod when the explanation made sense to them, Emmett would crease his eyebrows when he thought I was being absurd, which had turned out to be very amusing and made me laugh out loud a couple of time. However, Rosalie did keep me going by giving me a look that said 'if you do not continue, I will strangle the truth out of you.' By the end of the speech, Rosalie had yet to slap me, which I hoped was going to remain that way until the very end.

"Also, I have decided that I want to give the cancer treatment a go. I'm going to call the specialist when I get home." I rushed the words out, afraid that if I spoke slowly I would be too nervous to say anything. Five heads snapped my way instantly, and they all started to talk at the same time, causing a cacophony of voices that I couldn't understand at all. I raised my hand up to silence everyone. "One at a time, please," I pleaded, as loud voices tended to give me headaches these days.

I lowered my hand, and Alice was the one who got, "How come?" out of her mouth faster than the others.

"I've realized how selfish I really am, Alice. I didn't consider anyone's feelings. Yes, I know, I should do it for myself and all, and I am. What I didn't realize was that I was lying to myself and others when I said that I was ready to die. In truth, I'm not ready. There are so many things I want to accomplish first. Also, now that I have Bella with me, I'm not ready to let go. I know that there is a big chance of the treatment failing, but I'm willing to take that risk. I have nothing to lose, right?" I gave Bella a meaningful look before squeezing her hand. I needed her to know that she was my reason for living.

Bella had tears in her eyes as she squeezed me into a hug. Once she started to cry, the rest of the women in the room joined her. All of us guys tried to comfort our loves, but that seemed to make them cry even harder.

"Sorry, it's just I'm so happy. I know that it might be wrong to feel this way, but I want you to fight. I'm not ready to give you up either." She then gave me a teary smile, and wiped the tears away with her fingers.

"Me, too, but in a sister kind of way," Alice said as she tried to relieve the tension in the room.

"Me, three." Rosalie started to laugh. Thank God! I made it out alive!

We all sat around for the next hour talking about the possible answers from the specialist. I knew there was a very high chance of him saying that my chance of surviving is not as high as he like it to be in his patients, as he suggested that I should start on the chemotherapy last year, and I'm sure that my health has worsened since then, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

The whole conversation was a downer so I drifted away from talking about my 'survival chances' and started to talk about silly things. It was really nice to be able to spend some quality time with my family because time was scarce these days with too much shit going on in our individual lives. However, after two hours of sitting around, I was ready to take my Bella home.

"Do you want to go home?" I whispered. Bella gave me a quick nod before ending her conversation with Rose and Alice. I gently tugged her hand, and stood up. "Anyway, Bella and I should get going because we have to call up the hospital," I announced, trying to look as convincing as possible.

"Yep, preparing for a potential appointment takes time, you know." Bella tried to help, but she started to giggle, which did not help, at all.

"Yeah, sure." Emmett gave me a suspicious look. I knew he was on to what we were planning to do if we could get out of this house.

Jasper simply snorted, while Alice was screaming out, "Ewww, no one needed that mental image! Now, I need to bleach my brain!"

"Yes, appointment, Emmett," I said innocently, although innocence was the last thing on my mind at that moment.

"I didn't know you needed to make an appointment with your sheets," Rosalie said in a motherly voice before nearly pissing herself laughing. I promised everyone that I would come straight to the house after seeing the doctor tomorrow, if I managed to get an appointment for tomorrow. I'm hoping to use Carlisle's connection with the hospital to be able to fit in an appointment, but without him here, it may be hard to do so. With everyone's approval, Bella and I walked out of the house, hand in hand.

"You ready to go home, love?" I asked as I kissed her temple.

"Definitely." Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a quick peck. Without another word, she skipped off toward the car. Guess it wasn't only me who was eager to go home.

* * *

**I hope you've enjoyed the story! Thank you for reading. Please don't forget to REVIEW. It will mean the world to me! More to come. I will try to update as soon as possible. Thanks!**

**Don't forget to check out Lethal to Virtue by TheBondGirls.. They are brilliant**

**If you read TMWCBM by JennyB0719, Claireoth recently set up a Jenny Group for FGB. Email us at 0719 (at) gmail . com**

**If you love Coldplaywhore's work, The Resolution will be on the #readalong on the 14th. So, please join us at 8PM EST.**


	23. Chapter 21: I'm Yours

**Hi. I'm sorry for another delay. RL has been SO hectic! Did all of you watched Eclipse? I thought Taylor did extremely well. Happy 4th of July! Hope you all have a great year.**

**I cannot wait for WFE! Rob looked hot in tux! :0)**

**I want to dedicate this chapter to all the friends I've made on twitter and FFn, to the girls who helped me with the chapter and to Team MLW (Ally, Suzi, Rose, Jenn, Mich, Claire and 'the ladyreads') who in total have raised $60 for MLW! I love you all!**

**Thanks to Jenny0719 **my awesome advisor *hugs*. (She was the one who introduced me to 'The Script') To **Coldplaywhore** who is my Uber-advisor *hugs*. (hope you are enjoying your vacation!) To **Mcc101180 **for her Super fast beta power *hugs*. Lastly, to **Lemonmartinis** for pre-reading this *hugs*. Love you guys!

Thank you to those who have reviewed, favorite and alert.

Please don't forget to **REVIEW**! :)

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did... I would have added a scene where Edward, Emmett and Riley are covered in chocolate sauce... :P_****  
**

**

* * *

Chapter 21: I'm Yours**

**EPOV**

You healed these scars over time  
Embraced my soul  
You loved my mind  
You're the only angel in my life  
The day news came my best friend died  
My knees went weak and you saw me cry  
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

I may not have the softest touch  
I may not say the words as such  
And though I may not look like much  
I'm yours  
And though my edges may be rough  
And never feel I'm quite enough  
It may not seem like very much  
But I'm yours

_I'm Yours by The Script_

To say that the ride back to Bella's condo was nerve-wracking was the understatement of the century. I tried to focus on the road rather than her, but failed miserably. I think both of us were still tense over what had happened tonight. This was the biggest fight we ever had. We hadn't spoken a word since we got into the car and the atmosphere was heavy and filled with lust.

_I want to lick, taste, and feel her._ I groaned as that thought crossed my mind.

"Edward, you were supposed to turn left at the last intersection." Bella squeezed my thigh, breaking my train of thought which was filled with pornographic images of Bella and me.

"Urrrggg, yeah, sorry." My face grew hot. I felt somewhat embarrassed since Bella and I still had a lot to talk about, yet, here I was, imagining pervy images of her in high heels and stockings. I quickly made a U-turn, and I drove back to the junction in the road where I should have originally turned at.

Bella's warm hand wasn't helping my now, quite noticeable hard-on. I was really glad that I was wearing track pants rather than jeans tonight, and that Bella seemed to be lost in her own thoughts. I didn't want her to think that I was a horndog trying to have my way with her after our 'first' fight as we were both emotionally exhausted. Yes, I have heard that make-up sex is pretty mind-blowing, but I needed to make sure that Bella was alright as she barely spoke to me since we got into the car.

_Dead cat, dead dogs, chemo. _Those images worked their magic as I felt a certain body part of mine relax. As I parked the car in the garage and cut the engine, I heard Bella mutter, "Finally." I raised my eyebrows, challenging her to say it louder. The normal Bella would have take on my challenge; you could say that we were one competitive couple. Today, Bella simply rolled her eyes and got out of the car.

_What the fuck? Is she still pissed at me? _

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I had some ideas of how the rest of the day would play out. For one, I didn't think I was going to get laid or even get to sleep in the same bed as her today. Bella seemed distant and that troubled me. I wanted us to be able to talk about anything, to be able to discuss our worries. I needed to learn to reach out for help when I needed it, and so did Bella. I think that both of us are still haunted by our pasts and are afraid to give our whole hearts to each other.

Sometimes I would get déjà vu moments, where Bella would say something similar to what Tanya used to say to me, and I would just freeze. I was still healing from the wounds Tanya and Esme had left me. I was afraid that the relationship Bella and I have, may turn into one like Carlisle and Esme have. I'm scared shitless that Bella will get sick of me. Maybe in time, she'll find someone else who is better than me. A small part of me, as horrible as this may sound, is terrified that Bella may turn out to be just like Tanya or Esme. I'm afraid that one day Bella is going to wake up and realize that she isn't happy in the relationship, and that she has to fake her feelings for me because she thinks that there is no way out. I know it's silly, especially when we have been through so much together, but I just can't stop myself.

As for Bella, I think she's afraid to give her whole heart to anyone because at such a young age, her heart was broken by her parents. Their disappearance had made this huge hole that I wasn't too sure if I could help fill. She was scared of getting hurt, and I wasn't sure that I could guarantee that she wouldn't be, but I would try my hardest to make sure she was as happy as possible.

For the past few months, I'd learned so much about love. Love is not about taking and receiving, but it's about sharing. I came to the realization that we all need love, and that we can't live alone in this world. All of us want to share our happiness, sadness and troubles with someone who cares enough to listen. If there's no one to share those different feelings with, then what kind of life is that? For me, that person is Bella. She's the one I want to share every moment I have left.

I started to think back to when I had first told Bella I loved her, and was having difficulty remembering exactly how I had done it. I remembered being at her condo after having come from the hospital where Carlisle and Rose had basically told me that everyone who I had loved had been lying to me. I felt so foolish, but Bella, with just a few simple words, started to put my mind at ease. She told me that things were going to be alright and although I had difficulty seeing it then, I knew she was speaking the truth. She didn't judge me as I cried, and when she told me that she loved me, my heart swelled. Through my tears, I told her that I felt the same.

The second time was not that much better. We had been arguing over Bella's decision to drop out of school and she had run off in tears. I apologized and we talked about where things were going. I knew that living with Esme and Carlisle was no longer an option. I just couldn't go back; I didn't want to go back. She asked me to move in with her and I couldn't refuse. We were playful with one another as we made our relationship "official." I poured all the sincerity I had into my words and my stare as I told her I loved her, but again, it still seemed lacking.

While Bella may not have minded my less than grand expressions of my feelings for her, it still bothered me that I hadn't truly told her just how important a part of my life she was. Given what I was, no, what _we _were about to face, I felt like such a dumbass for not telling her in a better way. My whole body went numb. How could I have not told Bella that she was my life now, my everything? I wished I could punch myself right then and there, but I would rather not go to the hospital today. There'd been enough drama already.

A knock on the car's window broke me out of my thoughts. Bella was mouthing, 'Are you going to come out soon?' while giving me a very strange look. I gave her a quick nod before pulling the key out of the ignition, and got out of the car.

"Are you alright, Edward? You've been spaced out since we left the house." She wrapped her arms around my waist and snuggled up to me.

"So, you're not mad at me?" I completely ignored her question. It's not that I didn't want to answer it, but I would rather answer it later. I don't want to confess my love for her in a parking lot.

"Mad at you? No, I'm not mad; I just didn't want to barter anymore. I'm too tired for that, however, I'm not too tired for…" She raised her eyebrows and gave me a sexy smirk before walking off to the elevator. I stared after her, dumbfounded. I pumped my fist into the air; I'm so damn lucky. Bella was certainly one of a kind.

_Make-up sex, make-up sex. Bella naked, me naked, _was all I could think about as I followed her to the elevator.

_No, Edward. Talk comes first then a happy hour… or two, _I scolded myself. Bella and I needed this. We needed to clear the air. We needed to decide what we were going to do when tomorrow comes. I needed to make sure that she's alright if the chemo treatment is a no go. I needed to prepare her for the unknown. It may seem silly now, but I've seen people from the hospital who've just shattered into millions of pieces when they found out that their chemo wasn't working. I'd been to the hospital enough of times to see what chemo can do to people. It can either make or break you. Even the toughest person may fall because of it.

_Bing_ - the elevator's doors slid open and we walked in. Bella pressed the button, while I was fumbling with my hands. My heart was pounding at a million beats per minute and my palms started to sweat; I was scared. Of course, we'd talked over at the house, but Bella remained pretty quiet, and even though she said she was happy, I wanted to talk to her in depth about it. Bella laced her fingers through mine as we ascended the building. Such a simple gesture but somehow, it made me feel that things were going to be alright. Bella was my strength.

As Bella and I walked toward our condo, the world seemed to have gone into slow motion. The nerves came back, and once again, I was on the verge of a panic attack. I'd always been bad at expressing my emotions and now I was faced with having to lay it all on the line. I needed to tell Bella everything that I had left unsaid for so long. She needed to know that this was more than just a casual thing, and that when I had said 'I love you' those two lonely times before that it was more than just three little words. I couldn't make it through what was coming without her by my side.

We walked to the door and as Bella was fetching her keys out of her pocket, I bluntly told her, "Bella, we need to talk."

"Oh, ok. I thought we had _plans_?" Bella questioned while turning the door knob. I had difficulty keeping my smirk from appearing since I found it hilarious that Bella and I were both equally frustrated, for two wholly different reasons. _'Maybe the talk can wait till the morning. No. Yes. Maybe? Fuck no.'_ It was as if there was two sides to me; on one side was the normal, horny male, while the other was the angelic, righteous Edward. I shook my head slowly. Am I going crazy from cockblocking myself?

"Yeah, it's two o'clock, love. We have the time." I purred. Bella's knees definitely gave out as I finished the sentence, and she reached out and grabbed me for support. I love it how both of us are affected by the littlest things about each other.

"Alright then, let's get this shit sorted!" As Bella regained her composure, she jumped into action and seated herself on the couch. Someone seemed eager to get the 'boring' part of the afternoon over and done with.

Once again, I followed her lead and sat myself next to her. I cupped her face, staring into her eyes, and asked her, "Are you really prepared to see me go through the chemotherapy process, Bella?"

She thought for a few seconds before telling me that there was no other place she would rather be than here with me.

"So, seeing me half-bald, as thin as a stick, practically lifeless, always tired, constantly vomiting, especially when the treatment first starts, is something you're ready for?" I asked her honestly. I wouldn't want my Bella to feel obligated to look after me. Things weren't going to be pretty.

"Yes, and I know you will probably get very moody, and angry at every little thing. I know you won't be able to eat much, and that I need to cook you soft things. I know that you'll get sick easily, and that we need to bundle you up." She gave me an encouraging smile before gently squeezing my hand as I absorbed the given information.

I needed to know whether or not she could handle it, because I really needed her support. And yet, I didn't want her to suffer more than she had to. Half of me was scared that she would be disgusted by what she would see. I would lose my hair, waste away, and be unable to do much other than stay in bed. I was considering staying at the hospital for the whole treatment, as I didn't want Bella to have to take care of me. I tried to be as honest with her as possible. She needed to know; she deserved to know.

"Edward, listen to me, I am going to say this only once, got it? I know what to expect. I'm not going to lie, I was worried at first about how I'd have to behave around you, and I've done some research about your condition. I can take it, Edward. Don't you dare choose the option of staying at the hospital for the whole treatment. I know you hate hospitals, so don't you dare lie." Bella looked at me accusingly, with a playful smirk on her face. I simply shrugged. It's funny how Bella and I had only been seeing each other for a few months, yet, we knew each other like we've been dating for a few years, at least. To Bella, I must be an open book as she always knows what I'm going to do or what my reaction to a certain situation is going to be like.

"Yeah, yeah. This is your home, Edward. I wouldn't want you to be elsewhere. I love you, everything about you. It doesn't matter if you become bald; I know that those copper locks of yours will grow back in no time. Guess I need to learn how to knit if I'm going to make a beanie. You'll definitely need a beanie." She started to laugh. I love how Bella sometimes talked to herself. She often forgets who she is talking and she doesn't leave any time for them to reply.

"I know that the whole ordeal is going to be tough and from time to time, we're going to hit our low points, but things will get better. We have to keep hoping because without hope, you can't really live." Bella pulled my head down onto her lap and started to play with my hair and I let out a sigh. I felt as if a mountain had been lifted from my chest. I could breathe now and most of my worries had been assuaged by Bella's words.

"You're going to be okay, baby. We will be okay," Bella assured me as she bent down and gave me a kiss.

"Yeah, we will." I glanced into her eyes. So many emotions were swimming around that chocolate brown pair.

We then discussed what we had to do tomorrow. Bella and I decided to drop our classes, however, we were not quitting. We both planned to re-enroll after my chemotherapy. It was selfish of me really, but she kept telling me that it was what she wanted to do. I felt like I was taking things from her, and that's something I really didn't want to do. I only wanted to cherish her, shower her with gifts, give her happiness and show her how much I truly love her.

I, no, _we_ called the hospital and asked for an appointment with an oncologist. Apparently, Carlisle had asked a colleague of his to take care of my case before he left. I tried not to pay attention when they asked about Carlisle because our evening did not deserve to be dampened by him. It's time for me to move on. I would always think of Carlisle, but I can't let him affect my life anymore. Bella and I deserve to be happy and for once, I'm going to make sure that happens.

I made a mental note that I also need to visit my travel agent tomorrow—alone. I'm planning to surprise Bella with a trip to Europe after my chemo treatments. I decided to keep the ticket dates open, and when we feel like it, we can call and set the date. Hopefully I would be back on my feet not too long after the treatment as the tickets would expire in a year's time.

By the end of the afternoon, Bella and I were still lying on the couch, kissing like teenagers.

Even though I was trying to keep myself calm as I tried to find the moment to tell her how I felt, that moment never came. As time passed by, I became more and more anxious. What if I messed this up again? Maybe I should take her out on a date to her favorite restaurant and an orchestra performance. I could play a solo concerto for her, and tell her what I've been wanting to for the past few hours in front of hundreds of people. No, Bella would be too embarrassed and probably would be pissed off at me for doing something so grand. That wasn't her. She is simple, yet elegant.

_Let's do this, Cullen. It's now or never. Be a man! Stop shaking like a dog. Fuck, who am I kidding? I'm as nervous as the day I found out I had been accepted to Berkeley, maybe even more. I seriously need to shut the fuck up. Is it healthy to talk to yourself?_

"Bella, I love you," I blurted out awkwardly. I had to spit it out or else, I would go crazy. My mind had gone into overdrive; I just needed to follow my heart.

"I know, love," she whispered into my ear. My whole body shivered with anticipation and I loved how the littlest action from Bella could make my body react in such a way.

"I know I've said this to you before, but I don't think you understand that it's not just words to me. I guess it's my fault for not doing this sooner, and I'm so sorry for that. I realized that I was falling for you when we first began working on our compositions. You were so talented, downright amazing, and that kind of pissed me off. Slowly, though, that irritation turned into something more, something wonderful. As we spent more time with each other, our challenges became less about trying to one-up each other, and more about being fun and showing that we were both stronger than how we felt on the inside. I love your playful side, your desire to be competitive and not let your past stop you from achieving your dreams. I love how beautiful you are when you smile. I love everything about you. You are my everything, Bella." As the last word left my mouth, Bella's lips began attacking me, not that I minded.

"I think I started to fall for you when I lost that 'rock, paper, scissors' game. I couldn't stop thinking about you, even in my sleep." Her eyes widen as she realizes what she has said. Her cheeks give off that beautiful pinkish colour, and I can't help myself but to brush my finger across them repeatedly.

"So, you know, we've got nothing to do now. We've been talking for quite a while. My mouth is kind of tired," she said as she shoots me a devilish grin before pushing her bottom lip out into a tiny pout.

_Ahh, my goddess wants to play! _

I couldn't wait another moment, so I started to suck on her ear lobe, and then moved down to her neck. She moaned out in pleasure as I reached for her favorite spot, right behind her right ear. She began to undo my shirt just as I lifted hers off.

"Beautiful," I muttered as I trailed my eyes from her navel up to the lacy fabric covering her breasts, and then up to her eyes. I unbuttoned her jeans, sliding them off of her. There she was, right in front of me, looking as angelic as ever. Her skin was as creamy and smooth as silk. I let out a quiet groan; I wanted to take time to savor her, but in that moment, slow and loving was the furthest thing from my mind.

"I'm almost naked and you're still fully dressed, Mr. Cullen. That's certainly unacceptable," Bella said in a sultry voice, while she slowly unbuttoned my shirt. She started working on my track pants, before she ran her tongue over my abdomen, down to my navel. She swiftly pulled the pants off, along with my boxers.

The cool air swept over my dick, causing me to hiss at the sensation. Bella must have understood my reaction because the next thing I knew she was reaching out and grabbing the base and giving it a firm squeeze. She flicked her tongue against the tip and licked the pre-cum. I weaved my hand through her hair, and she fully took my cock into that delicious mouth of hers and began sucking.

"Fuck, baby," I moaned, while thrusting my hips. _I love that wet, warm mouth of hers so fucking much. _As Bella started to suck harder, she took me deep within her throat and that nearly pushed me over the edge. "I'm so close." I panted, as Bella scratched her nails down my thighs. A mixture of pain and pleasure was what I needed and after a few more pumps, I released into her mouth.

"That was…" I couldn't finish my sentence since I was still gasping for breath. Bella started to giggle and crawled back into my arms.

"That was something, huh?" She smiled smugly.

"Now, it's your turn." I growled as I unclasped Bella's bra. I then went about ripping off her lacy thong before I spread her legs nice and wide, and turned to my side so that we were facing each other.

The sound of her thong ripping at my hands released the animalistic side of me. I ran my finger over her silt, before dipping my index finger into her. Bella continued to kiss my lips and my stubble-covered jaw.

"Fuck," she muttered as my finger entered her. I slowly pumped my finger in and out of her before I inserted a second finger, all the while lightly pinching her clit. I groaned as she started to get wetter. The knowledge that it was me making her feel so good was like an aphrodisiac to me and the louder her moans became, the harder I got.

"Urrrrggg." She panted, and I asked her whether she was close.

What she did next was completely unexpected. She pushed _her_ finger into her, which barely left any room for me to move. That was one of the most erotic things I'd ever seen, and it did a number of things to my dick. I sucked on her collar bone as I curled my index finger. Her eyes were rolling into the back of her head, and she came. She bit me, hard, as she violently shook to keep herself from screaming. As I pulled my fingers out of her, she Eskimo kissed my face.

"You didn't scream out my name, you naughty girl." I pretended to scowl, but I was sure that she could see the mischief in my eyes.

She gave me wink before whispering, "Well, then, you better come to bed and make me scream out your name then, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

With that, she ran off leaving me on the couch with a hard-on and smiling like a dork.

_Tonight is definitely going to be a good night._

_

* * *

_

_Reviewers will receive a teaser for the next chapter as soon as it is done. **Please don't forget to review! Thanks.**_


	24. Chapter 22: Happy Together

**Hi there. Sorry about the wait. RL has been... I can't even begin to explain. **

**Thanks to JennyB0719 and Coldplaywhore for advising me! :) *hugs***

**Thanks to Mcc101180 for beta'ing this. I hope you'll get better soon. *hugs***

**This chapter is dedicated to AllyinPerth. I love you, and hope you will recover quickly. Thanks to all members of Team MLW. :)**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did, I don't think Edward would be clothed, at all. JS_**

**

* * *

**

****

Chapter 22: Happy Together

**EPOV**

I wished I could have turned back time because I realized that some decisions that we make can affect us forever.

It had been a week since the night I decided that I was going to fight the cancer.

Bella called the hospital the next day and re-confirmed my appointment for today. Bella does go a bit overboard when it comes to me. Everything has to be re-confirmed or else, she would not be satisfied. I think she mentioned Carlisle's name a couple of times to make sure that the appointment is really happening. Apparently, the doctor I am about to see is one of the best in the country. I knew she tried to be discrete in doing so because every time I hear his name, it still stung. I mean, it has been about a month now, and he still hasn't called. How can you just abandon someone you said you loved?

A couple of days ago, I went into the hospital to do a blood test. Now, it was the time to see if my body was strong enough to cope with the chemotherapy.

Millions of thoughts were running through my mind all at once. I was nervous of so many things, mainly about the chemotherapy's effects. Bella kept drilling the fact that I needed to be positive into my head, but how the hell could I be positive when I knew that I was walking a fine line between life and death?

_You can wish that you would have done so many things differently, for the better, if you had known the consequences of your actions. However, at the end of the day, none of us know what the future holds for us. It is important that we try our hardest, fight with all the strength we have to live on, because we only live once. Be grateful that you're living a healthy life. Stop wishing and thinking about 'what ifs' - start doing. That is the only way you'll achieve your goal in life. Never regret for making a mistake because that's how you learn. Gandhi once said, "Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it." He's right, don't you think? What's the point of living when you aren't willing to do anything that seems small or not worthwhile? _

That speech was a part of what I said in front of the senior class at our high school graduation ceremony. I wondered if I inspired anyone with my speech, because I certainly wasn't inspired by it. I mean, I was the one who talked about fighting hard and doing your best; however, I didn't do what I had told the other to. The longer I thought about it, the clearer it became that I didn't only let my family down, but I let myself down. Giving up is easy, while living is much harder. Every day is a challenge, but that's life. Those challenges bring us happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, and other powerful emotions.

From this moment, while seated in Dr. Clarewater's office, I vowed to myself that I would live my life to the fullest, even if I'd be dead in a matter of months. I would not give up until I stopped breathing because others had never given up on me.

So why should I?

_Knock knock knock_

I turned around just in time to see Dr. Clearwater walk into the office with a green file in his hands. His facial expression looked somewhat solemn. The atmosphere in the room suddenly was intensified, and my hands started to shake. I wished Bella was here next to me to hold my hand, but it was my decision to come alone. If I couldn't progress with the chemotherapy, I would need time to process it on my own. I would probably break down, and there was no way I wanted Bella to see me during that time. I needed to be strong for the both of us, and if that was the case, I needed to prepare myself before telling to the others.

The doctor took one last look at the file before placing it onto the desk. I thought he was going to sit down and begin talking to me, but instead, he paced around the room.

I remained quiet for awhile but after five minutes, my patience had vanished, and I pleaded, "Doctor, please, tell me what the results say."

Dr. Clearwater looked up and gave me a quick reply before turning back to his desk, and sat down.

"I know you are Dr. Cullen's son, Edward. I know you've probably heard that I'm the best hematologist-oncologist in the California area. Normally, I wouldn't suggest a patient in your condition to do chemotherapy. Looking at your red blood cell count, you shouldn't be able to sit here right now. Edward, I know your previous doctor said that you had around two years left, but after looking at these results, I would estimate that your life expectancy is half of that. The cancer cells are spreading very rapidly. However, you're young and hopefully, you'll be strong enough to fight the cancer. I think you can go through with this, Edward. I'm not promising anything, but I recommend that we try. I suggest that you take one day at a time. However, that doesn't mean I don't want you to keep your hopes up. You will need to remain as positive as possible. I know you probably are thinking about doing a stem cell transplant if you do reach the remission stage, and that's a good goal to have. I need you to stay strong throughout this whole ordeal," Dr. Clearwater stated in a serious tone.

It took me a few minutes to process the information. I gave him a tight nod and cleared my throat. I knew that I was running out of time, but I didn't realize that I was _that_ out of time. When the doctor mentioned how I shouldn't be able to sit here in the room, it really freaked me out. Is my blood work that bad? Is he only treating me because I'm Carlisle's son? My chances must have not been that great. Why is he doing this? I was so scared - so bloody scared.

_Dear God, I'm not ready to die. Please let the chemo work._

It was now nearly the end of August. I wanted to start my chemotherapy after Bella's birthday had passed. At least, I would be well enough to celebrate my girlfriend's twenty-first with her without being affected by the drugs.

"Doctor, could I possibly start treatment after September the 13th?" I tensed up, hoping that Dr. Clearwater would be alright with my request.

The doctor turned to me while continuing to type into his computer. "That's only ten days away. Yes, that would be fine, Edward."

He spent a few more minutes typing furiously on his laptop. He then looked straight at me in and said a serious manner, "Now, I want to talk about the procedures you'll have to go through."

Twenty minutes later, I walked out of the room. Dr. Clearwater and I had ironed out my concerns and questions about the whole chemotherapy ordeal. I now knew that during the first month, I would receive a treatment called remission induction. I would be treated with three different types of drugs. When I asked if it would be an outpatient procedure, I was told that I would need to stay in the hospital until the induction stage had been completed.

I drove home at top speed after making a quick visit to the travel agent. As I got onto the elevator at the condo, I hummed to myself, trying to calm down as I was anxious to tell Bella the news. Today was such a good day; no, it was a fantastic day.

_This was it. I am going to get better. I would be able to live a long and happy life with Bella._

I'd bought Bella and myself round trip tickets to Europe. It would be a part of her birthday present. I still needed to talk to Alice about Bella's birthday. I knew Bella hated making a big deal of the day, especially when her parents has never celebrated it with her all of her life, it was either with the nannies or Jasper's family, but Bella said that it was never a big event. However, that was about to change. Bella deserved to have a day that was just about her. I wasn't trying to make up for her past, but everyone deserved to have a big birthday bash once in a life time.

_Maybe Bella wouldn't be opposed to celebration sex_, I pondered.

"Honey, I'm home," I said loudly. There was no answer. Instead, I heard some shuffling noises from the bedroom. "Bella?" I asked shakily, feeling that something was wrong. I quietly grabbed the baseball bat that was set beside the cabinet in the hallway. I opened the door swiftly and raised my bat.

There Bella was, asleep on the lower half of the bed. I sighed, not realizing that I had been holding my breath since I'd entered the condo. My angel looked so serene and beautiful with her brown hair all over the place and feet dangling off the bed. I silently placed the bat on the floor and undressed myself. I gently lifted her up and placed her under the duvet. Moments later, I joined Bella in bed. I sighed out of contentment as I draped my arm around her and snuggled my face in her chocolate milkshake scent. Bella's shampoo used to smell like strawberry, but apparently, the brand has stopped making Strawberry scented shampoo so she switched to something new. Call me bias, but whatever Bella uses, she would always smell good to me.

_There's nowhere I would rather be than here._

With that thought in mind, I fluttered my eyes closed and entered a peaceful nap.

**{-©©©©-}**

_I slowly opened my eyes, looking around me, and I realized that I was supposed to be in bed with Bella. Instead, I was lying in a meadow filled with wild flowers. The sky was a vivid blue; the sun was half-covered by the clouds. This place was beautiful, maybe too beautiful to be real._

_I looked around, still disoriented, unsure of what had happened._

'_Where the hell am I?' I whispered to myself._

_I stood up and started to walk around, looking for a sign of another life or for a way out._

_I jumped when I felt a feather light tap on my left shoulder. I turned around as quickly as I could, and as soon as my eyes focused on the person's face, I gasped._

"_Mom?" I asked, dumfounded. Elizabeth Masen still looked the same as the last day I saw her. She was wearing a white summery dress. Her green eyes, a replica of mine, appeared to looked straight into my soul. It was as if she had never left, that she knew what I'd been through all those times she wasn't with me. With the way she looked at me, I realized how much I'd missed her. Even though Mom and Dad passed away when I was very young, I still remembered how they looked, thanks to all the photographs Esme had brought back with her from New York._

_I opened my mouth to speak up, but Elizabeth simply shook her head._

_I creased my eyebrows in confusion._

_She gave me a similar peaceful smile, before looking over my shoulder._

_I felt another tap, this time on the right shoulder, and I turned. Once again, I was shocked by the presence of the person in front of me._

_I started to hyperventilate. "Dad, what are you doing here? You're… gone. Where am I? Am I dead?"_

_I couldn't believe my eyes. I wanted to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming, but I didn't want my dream to cease._

"_Edward, your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much. Leaving you was the hardest thing we ever had to do. We never wanted to, but sometimes, you can't fight what has already been decided. We're so proud of you, and we want you know to that. No matter what happens, live your life to the fullest, Edward." Dad reached out and gave me a pat on the shoulder. I wasn't having it and brought him into a hug._

"_I missed you. Suddenly, you were gone," I mumbled out while tears slipped from my eyes._

"_I know, son, I know." He stroked my hair like he did to me when I was young and scared of the little imaginary monster in my closet. We stayed in that position till I regained control of my breathing, and then it was my mother's turn to hug me._

_She pressed her lips to my forehead. "I love you, Anthony. I wish I could have met the woman who has stolen my son's heart. She's perfect for you, sweetheart." _

"_You know Bella?" _

"_Of course. Believe it or not, we do," she whispered._

"_We do see you from up there, Edward." My dad pointed up to the sky. _

_So heaven does exist after all?_

"_Believe, Edward. Things happen for a reason." My mother hugged me one last time before letting me go._

"_Keep that in mind, son. It's our time to leave." Dad gave me a resigned smile, before taking my mother's hand into his. Sadness swept over me as I realized that it was time to go back to reality. _

"_Don't go, please," I pleaded, even though I knew that it was in vain._

"_You don't belong here, Edward. Not now," Mom said, brushing her fingers on my cheek. _

"_Good bye, son," my dad said before turning around and walking to the opposite side of the meadow with my mother by his side._

_Mom blew me a kiss before fading away with the wind._

**{-©©©©-}**

I opened my eyes once again and blinked away a few tears. I rolled onto my side and saw that Bella was awake and staring at me intently.

"Good…" I paused, turning to see that it was just after five in the afternoon. "Evening," I finished my sentence and gave Bella a tiny peck on the lips.

"You alright, baby?" Bella creased her forehead, something she did when she was concerned.

"Yeah." I wasn't ready to tell Bella about the dream just yet. I needed to announce the good news first, so I put this into the back of my mind and put on my happy face.

"So, Dr. Clearwater said that I could start the chemotherapy after your birthday." I practically yelled out the announcement, unable to contain my excitement.

"Really?" Bella voice shook as she started to cry.

"Yeah, baby. I'm going to be alright." I brought her body closer to mine and tucked her head under my chin. I tightened my grip around her waist and used my other hand to stroke her hair, hoping that it would comfort her.

"Should we call the others to tell them the good news?" I asked. I was surprised that Alice didn't call right after my appointment. I called Emmett last night to inform him that I was going to see the doctor today. He would have probably called Alice right after he got off the phone with me.

Guess Alice wanted me to break the news to Bella first. Bella got out of bed, grabbed her cell phone and a tissue box, and then climbed back to bed and snuggled her face to my chest. I quickly dialed Alice's number and turned on the speakerphone.

"Hi, guys. I'm with the rest of the group now. So, what's the verdict?" Always count on Alice to jump straight to the point.

"So, the doctor said that…" I spoke slowly, wanting to annoy Alice.

"Edward, just tell us the damn news," Rosalie snapped. Knowing Rosalie, she was as nervous as I was. She was the best big sister a brother could have.

"I am starting the treatment after Bella's birthday!" I laughed, earning a smack on the chest from Bella.

"You were this close to giving them all a heart attack," Bella said against my chest.

"Does that mean I'll get punished later?" I whispered and stared into her eyes, thinking that the conversation wouldn't be heard by the rest of the gang.

"Ewww. Edward! You're still on the damn phone, you perv," Jasper said before making a gagging sound.

"Shut up, everyone. Okay, we need to celebrate! How about going to Emmett's place tonight? Say eight pm?" Alice asked. Sometimes, I wondered why she bothered asking because if we declined, she would still make us go.

"That's fine, Alice," Bella yelled into the phone, embarrassed by Jasper's comment.

"Bye! Be good." Thank God that annoying sister of mine hung up before the rest of our friends would try to embarrass Bella further.

Bella and I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, planning and talking about what was going to happen while I was in chemo. Bella was quite happy with me being in the hospital as she said that a doctor would always be nearby. She was planning to stay in a hotel close by the hospital every night until I was able to come home, but I wasn't having it. I don't see the point for her to stay in a hotel when she can sleep comfortable at home. I tried to explain my point and emphasize the fact that I would mostly be asleep during the day but with Bella's stubbornness, that conversation was still in 'negotiation.'

We then discussed Berkeley once again, and decided that we would go into the university's office tomorrow to do the paper work.

We took Bella's Mazda and thanks to the traffic, we were half an hour late. "Alice is going to kill us," Bella said as the bouncer ushered us inside. We walked quickly over to the VIP area. I spotted Alice bouncing on her seat energetically. I went to sit beside Alice while Bella went to get some drinks from the bar.

"Hi guys. You're thirty-eight minutes late," she said in a matter-of-a-fact tone.

"Sorry, traffic." I gave Alice my best pouty look hoping that it would work. Alice rolled her eyes at me while sipping a glass of apple martini - her favorite.

"Whatever, let's celebrate!" Emmett's voice boomed in my ear as he smacked his right arm onto my back. I gave out a few loud coughs as my lungs tightened. Bella was instantly at my side, handing me a glass of water.

"Thanks, babe," I said softly. Bella gave me a tight smile while rubbing my back.

"I'm soooooo sorry, Edward. I forgot," Emmett apologized from across the table as Rose gave him a healthy smack on the back of his head.

"Thanks, Rose. It's alright, Em. It's not your fault." I gave him a quick smile that didn't reach my eyes. I hated it when something like that happened, especially because it happened all the fucking time. I always had to make a scene because of my stupid health condition. I couldn't wait until after that treatment. No more fragile Edward.

"Everyone," Jasper called out. Bella handed me a bottle of Guinness before turning her attention to Jasper.

"I want to make a toast to Edward for the good news he received today!" Everyone yelled out 'cheers,' clinked glasses with one another, and took a sip of our drinks.

The rest of the night went beautifully. Everyone was having a great time, especially Alice. I was so happy to see my little sister so carefree. She had always worried about me until Bella came along. Before, if Alice didn't see me at the house in the morning, she would call me during the day, just to make sure I was alright.

It was bittersweet to say that each and every one of us had our own lives, and that we were all moving down different paths. Of course, we would still be close, but I knew we all had to live for what we were destined for.

We left Twilight around one in the morning. I drove back home quickly, and as we entered the elevator, I realized how sexy drunken Bella looked.

I looked her up and down while she leaned on the wall of the elevator with her eyes closed. She had pulled her hair back into a bun as we drove home.

Her ass looked so perky in that black sequin mini dress, and her legs looked miles long in a pair of red fuck me heels that I'd never seen before. The bulge in my pants grew harder the more I stared at this exquisite creature.

"Like what you see?" Bella asked without opening her eyes.

"How do you know I'm looking at you?" I challenged her, leaning back against the opposite wall.

"I can feel your eyes on me," she said as she licked her lips and crossed her legs. Guess it wasn't only me who was turned on.

"Have I told you that you look delicious tonight?" I asked, slowly walking over to her side.

"Nope. Have I told you that you look completely fuckable?" Bella opened her eyes and stared at me. Her eyes were dark with desire.

Before I was able to answer, the elevator door opened. Taking her hand in mine, we stepped out of the elevator and walked to our door. As soon as I locked the front door, I lifted Bella up and wrapped her legs around my hips. I slammed her back onto the door and captured her mouth with mine.

Our tongues clashed together as we worked in sync. Bella tried to unbutton my shirt while I was trying to unzip her dress. However, it was impossible to do so while I was supporting her against the wall.

"Baby, I have to let you down so that I can unzip your dress," I said while Bella was sucking on my neck. Bella let out a small groan before easing her grip on my hips. We discarded our clothing quickly, and within a minute, Bella's legs and arms were once again wrapped around me.

I dipped one finger inside her heated body, desperately wanting to feel all of her. I knew by the intoxicating scent of her arousal that she was as turned on as I was, but I liked to tease her. I liked seeing the reactions of her face and body as my fingers pleasured her, ghosting around her clit before I added a second finger inside her wetness.

"Urrrgggg, Edward, no more foreplay. We have plenty of time for that later. I need you now!" Bella screamed out in frustration.

_I love drunken Bella! She's so vocal!_

I briskly pulled out my finger and thrust myself into Bella.

Bella's hands instantly clutchedmy shoulders, and as I slammed into her, she let out desperate pleas for more.

Both of us ignored the crashing sound of the standing lamp as I pushed the it away from its place so that I could fuck Bella near the corner of the room.

"Holy fuck," Bella screamed out while I moaned in agreement. As Bella's heels dug deeper into my ass, I began sucking Bella's nipple while vigorously pulling in and out of her. As the heat in my stomach grew hotter, I knew I wasn't going to last long. I tried to hold it off as long as I could, but as soon as Bella bit my shoulder, I was lost.

"Shittttttt." Bella voice trembled as she came.

I came only a few seconds after her. "Holy… fucking… shit," I screamed out. As Bella's walls milked me for everything I had to give.

We stayed connected for some time to try and control our breathing. As I pulled out of her, both Bella and I groaned from losing the connection. I slipped the heels off her feet and carried her to our bedroom. Before falling into a dreamless sleep, Bella whispered, "That was some hell of celebratory sex."

With that in mind, I slept with the biggest fucking smile ever known to man.

* * *

**Like it, hate it. Review please! :)**

**A/N: I've been thinking heavily about editing the earlier chapters when this story is completed. What do you think?**

**Don't forget to check out PICffcorner (link on my profile) for good rec.**

**Thank you!**


	25. Chapter 23: Planning, planning

**I know it has been a long time, around 5 months to be exact. I don't have a good excuse rather than I started going to college, and it took up a lot of my time. I am now living in Japan, and yeah, it's wonderful. I really miss the fandom, especially talking to the girls and guys on twitter. However, sometime, RL just happens, and no matter what, it is still a priority. It may sound a bit snobby, but I really am not trying to offend anyone. I just want to let you know that I will not abandon this story, I just need to find the balance between fandom and school life. **

**I wrote this small chapter a couple of months back, and yeah, it's not complete. When I was looking through my files today, I saw this document. I don't know when I will get to write or continue this chapter again. So rather than leaving it forever, I thought I should posted anyway.**

**It hasn't been beta-ed or looked at by another person.**

**However, I want to thank ****JennyB0719, Coldplaywhore,**** Mcc101180 for looking at it and beta this story for me so far.**

**I want to thank Lemonmartinis, Allyinperth, Claire, Mich (I did receive your postcard, will email you soon and sorry that I haven't been so far), Rose, Suzie, and so many people who has supported this story. **

**All of the twitter girls, I miss you all. I love you all. It has been a pleasure to get to know you all.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own this, SM does.**

* * *

**_Chapter 23: Planning, planning_**

Sadly, this morning, I didn't get to wake up in bed with my girl. Instead, I was woken up at six in the fucking morning by a very evil sibling called Alice, and had to rush through my morning routine to get to the house by seven.

Today, we're going to be planning 'the most spectacular birthday bash anyone would have ever seen that even Paris Hilton would be jealous of.' Alice's words, not mine.

I'm just waiting for Bella to go all ape shit on her birthday. (God, that makes me sound like a bad boyfriend doesn't it? But truly, I find it quite funny when Bella tries to act all angry to cover her embarrassment. I do think that Alice knows her limit and how extravagant she could make things without freaking the fuck out of Bella), but Alice does have the tendency to overdo things. However, I'm not going to be the one who ruined my sister's fun. My only request would be that we only invite close friends. I don't think Bella would like hundreds of people attending her party. She probably doesn't know three quarter of the attendees.

As I pulled into the driveway, my cellphone rang, _again_.

"Alice, I'm in the driveway for Christ's sake!" I yelled at her, annoyingly. She has been on my neck for the past fifteen minutes. I do indeed know that I am late, but it wasn't entirely my bloody fault that there is a big ass traffic jam in L.A. today.

I half ran into the house, and as I walked into the kitchen, knowing that's where everyone will be. It's quite ridiculous really, because we do indeed have a dinner room, which is so huge, and that it can seat around twenty people, but no one has ever used it. It has a chandelier hanging from the ceiling and everything that screams 'we're bloody rich, and we have nothing else better to do with our money' kind of thing.

"You're eighteen minutes late, Edward Anthony." Alice perked her head up from her plate of toast.

"Yes, I do realize that, Mary Alice. I do have a watch," I raised my wrist and point at my watch.

A few minutes later, Alice energetically said, "Ok, I'm done!"

"Sugar, I really wish you wouldn't do that. My head is quite sensitive this morning." Jasper winced at Alice's volume.

"Sorry," Alice apologized halfheartedly, before putting her plate into the dishwasher, and hopped to my side before guiding me upstairs into her workspace.

Three and a half hours later, I was a free man. Everything from the location to the type of birthday cake has been ordered and organized; even my present for Bella has gone through Alice. I've decided to purchase Bella two bracelets, as she seems to be going through the 'bracelet phrase' where she would never leave home without one. However, mine may cost a few times more than her entire collection, and I hope to death that she won't find out their prices.

As I raced out of the house, I quickly went back into L.A. to pick up the engraved bracelets I've picked out online for Bella a couple of nights ago. I've decided to purchase a leather bracelet with trinity rings set in the middle from Cartier, and another bangle from Frank Gehry's collection. As I've done my research, I found out that Cartier's trinity rings symbolize love, friendship and fidelity. And as cliché as it may sound, that's what Bella and I are like. We're not only partners, but also we're best friends who trusts each other with one's own life. As for the Frank Gehry's bracelet, I am hoping that she'll catch on to what I am trying to tell her, tickets to Europe. Bella has always wanted to visit Prague because of Gehry's Dancing Tower, and now that we're going to Europe, Bella would kill me if we don't stop over in Prague.

While at it, I picked up some late lunch for Bella at her favorite Chinese restaurant before returning home.

(-)

"Hi," Bella greeted me as I walked into the kitchen.

I gave her a quick kiss on her cheek before walking into our bedroom to put away her presents.

"So… where have you been all day?" Bella inquired.

* * *

**sorry about the length. Really.**

**ありがとうね みなさん。ほんとに ごめんなさい。今から、ぐんばります。できる！I will be back, soon! Thank you.**


	26. Author's Note

**Hi guys...**

**I am not sure if anyone is still reading this, but...**

**First of all, I want to apologize for disappearing for 2 years without any warnings. As I've told you before, I've moved to Japan. Life there is completely different, and I had to learn a lot of new things. I deleted my twitter as my real life friends were starting to add me, and I wanted to keep them separate. I now regret my action as I've met so many amazing friends on there, and in this fandom.**

**After two years of trying to keep up with learning a new language, full time undergrads course, as well as a part time job, I final am able to keep my head above the water. I never forgot about the fanfic world, and now, I finally have the time to complete the story, I will do so.**

**For those who are still following, or want to see how this story will end, I promise a chapter will be posted within the end of September, as soon as I head back to Japan. I am currently in Thailand for a holiday.**

**Love,**

**Gossip_bangkok**


End file.
